Passive agressive -- yick! Also fairly typical of a drinker/alcoholic. Have you ever read "Codependent No More?"

I guess I'm not totally clear -- are you living with your husband or in the process of separating? Sounds very entangled.

My ex- was extremely passive agressive -- also an active alcoholic. He would say sure, go ahead, and then do something which would show his displeasure. Once I took the kids on a quick vacation to friends. He couldn't go because he had to work. When I got back, there was a few days worth of garbage on the back porch. He didn't have "time" to take it the next 10 yards to the garbage cans....