I'm sure this thread might open up some heated debate but honestly, I've learned this after years of working with battered women.

When I hear a victim start telling me that God will take care of her/him/marriage/abuse, it is a huge warning sign to me.

I've said it before here, when did God or Jesus become our Holy Errand Boys? Why are they expected to be the Righteous Repair Men?

The women pray before marrying these men, asking for God's wisdom and guidance and jump in head first, expecting to land on their feet after receiving clear indications that he's an abuser! Hello? I'm trying to answer your prayers but you aren't listening.

Then, after the abuse is full-blown, God is expected to step in and fix everything. And, when a woman starts telling me God is in charge, I usually tune her out at that point because I've learned she doesn't really want help, she just wants me as a sounding board. Her life is no longer her responsibility, but God's.

I've heard, "Jesus is my first husband." Well, if that's true, would he abuse you and would he approve of husband # 2 abusing you? "I'm submitting as I am with God." Well, when you reach the pearly gates and stand before God and tell him how you've thrown away your life on a loser, how will you feel? You could have used your life to be an instrument of God, serving others, and instead, you used it as an instrument of repeated abuse! Where is the glory in that?

I'll step down from my platform now!

When you're right, you're right and believe me you are right on here...to me its a cop out for women too scared or weak to make a move so they thrust the responsibility on poor Gods shoulders...this way they can whine and never have to be blamed for not putting forth the effort to change things and can blame it all on God....We call it the boo hoo, poor me theory.

Dianne!!!

I would like to thank you for your bravery. It would be hard to post that here. And maybe I should add, there should be a forum for the "Abuse of God" (or Harietta). It has sadly been too many experiences of mine, that our sorry human plight has placed much too importance on what Harietta can do , rather than what WE can do.

So here I go on MY soapbox - I feel that God, Or Harietta, or George, or Whomever - is WAAAAAAAAAAAY smarter than I am. But I'm pretty smart. As smart goes anyhow.... Harietta gave me this. And genetics. (My Mother and Father were pretty smart!) So.

I have the wherewhithal to manage my own affairs. At least to a degree. And to put God or Harietta as the scapegoat for my failures, is an abomination....

I have known people who pray over what furniture they should buy. To me, this is just plain ridiculuous... In my mind, Harietta has much more important things to consider - like genocide for instance. Just for an instance.

So, yes, take responsibility over your life - Harietta gave you what you have, and I believe you are expected to use it. If you are in need of more help than you are getting - go to a professional. The church is for spirtuality, not escape.

I think I am sounding somewhat mean. But this makes me angry when I could have blamed God or Harietta or George for my Nichole's infirmities. But I did not. And still do not. She was a part of this world, and the world is not perfect.....If this world were perfect, we would already be in Heaven...or something like that. I grieve her death more than I ever thought I could grieve anything . Almost a year later, I still am just a shadow of myself, reduced to great sobs at a moment's timing. A song, a reference, a thought.....but I know I am but one. Many, many Mothers have been in such pain.... Now is the time to call upon God. Harietta. George.

Even so, it is still MY responsibility to manage my life. Harietta or God, need not spend her time "fixing" my life. I, after all, am smart, and have the ability to fix my own life. Or so I hope....

I don't intend to be intolerant on this issue, but , I beg you, take Dianne's words to heart, she knows what she's talking about....Hear her.

Searcher

It's so human nature. That some women will not
listen to God or another human being and are so in
love that they will marry the abuser anyway.
They are willing to go pretty far and learn from
their mistakes.
I thank God for his unlimited love and forgiveness
for our failures.

Harietta? I'm laughing out loud.

Praying over what furniture to buy. I've seen that and things even sillier.

We lived in a wonderful little town in AZ and people from CA would visit and want to move there. So, I saw a lot of "Christian" folk that had uprooted their family and just knew God would provide a job. No planning, research, nada. Pray instead of actively look for a job. I also saw a minister and his wife prey on these people for money so they could build what God had shown them was theirs. After getting the money, that property is now a college, not theirs. Hystericals.

One gal that I knew from there called me. She had married this guy because she knew they were meant to have a music ministry (having talent doesn't mean you belong together). He punched, kicked and slapped her and would lock her in the bedroom all night.

She ended up in a mental hospital because she couldn't face it that God didn't have to fix her mess. She had plenty of warnings. It hurt her mentally and spiritually because of her belief and not listening.

This is a sad statement but sometimes, when a woman is being abused, it can be God's voice answering her prayer....GET OUT!!!!!! YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS! THIS ISN'T WHAT I HAD PLANNED FOR YOUR LIFE!

Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker.

It said,

"God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts."

Dianne, maybe AZ should put that on a sign at the border .

smile

Perhaps it's easier for these women to put themselves in God's hands than to take their lives into their own hands and get out of the abusive situation. The God I believe in gave us freedom of choice.

Not having been an abusive marriage myself, I can't really pass judgement. But I do know that many people told me when I was in a time of crisis, "God never gives anyone more than they can handle." I know they meant to comfort, but they made me feel worse because I couldn't always handle them.

Thank you all for your intellegent and insightful comments.

Yes.
However.
I've survived a verbally and (a little) physically abusive marriage. I can't even begin to tell you the things I told myself -- the reasons I felt I needed to stay. And yes, I believed that God was punishing me for having committed adultry. It took a lot of love and soul-searching and actually experiencing what a loving life looked like to move away from it.

Keep up the good work, Dianne!

Smile
I love your sign! Exactly.

Dianne, to put some humor in here, I figure men can't run the world very well, so how can he run the universe???? Must be a Harietta!

Diamond, they think they are in love, but if they are women who read their Bible, they should read Corinthians....

NHJackie. Well said. I have often said , "I HAVE been given more than I could handle!!! - but people really didn't want to hear this, it would make THEM responsible to help out more....This is still a contention between my sister and myself. It's sad. Because I still love my sister.

Casey, Yes, people need to know what real love looks like, or they can't imagine.

Searcher

Oh yeah,

And Harietta is probably a Native American, a person of African origin, a person of Spanish origin, or maybe one of Middle Eastern descent, not to mention, perhaps one of Asia......Not a 5'8'' white woman with long flowing blonde hair....

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