i've been marriage for 7 yrs.now and have 2 kids my relationship with my husband is getting colder and colder. we had sex atleast once every two months and i still need to beg him to do it with me. he's not cheating with other girls but he's addicted in watching porn and masterbating. he knows that im aware of what his doing coz i always need to remind him to clean his mess after he finish. i want give up my marriage but im still considering my kids.

Summer,
This discussion has been elaborated on in great depth in another section. You might want to go and read all of the post. It may help you with perspective. It's under the MARRIAGE section. Here's a link to get your started:

http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=7;t=000087

Hope this helps, JJ

summer, welcome! I hope we can be of some hlep to you. I recommend what JJ mentioned. I'm wondering if you have sought professional help...

HEllo Summer, warm welcome. I am so sorry to hear of your heartache. I must warn you that my life is not all a bed of roses and so as they say be careful of advise from people who may be equally struggling or even worse then you!! Having said that, I would appeal to you to really talk to your husband now. If I could do anything differently after 24 years of marriage it would be to never avoid the necessary conversations. However my husband does not physically abuse me, and I do not know your situation so you need to do what is right and safe for you. And chatting through things with caring women who have truly lived this is a wonderful way to unravel how you do feel.
If it is possible please take your husband away for a weekend, practise saying what you need to say, and work out what you need to hear, and remember to use a 'please pass the butter voice' to retain caring and loving conversation. Also practise those open ended questions, you know, not questions that require a yes or no answer, but questions that require an explanation answer. And don't forget the 'I feel.....when you.....' phrase. Good luck.

I went for a walk with the dog and while out thought about this subject. I remembered what helped me, 1) if nothing changes, nothing changes and 2) visualise what you want the future to be and work towards that.

May I take #2 above and expand on it?

Thoughts lead to feelings. Feelings lead to actions. Actions lead to results....T. Harv Eker

JJ

Also remember patience IS GOLDEN, it really is, so take time to think, ponder, then decide what you want the future to hold and do whatever it takes to make that happen....I always say, BABY STEPS can take you a million miles.

hi! ITS SUMMER I just cant log in using the name, guess i miswrite my password. Anyway I want to thank you all for your advise. I have talked to my husband regarding how I feel. I told him Iam bothered by what is happening to our relationship.I try to be very calm but he got so mad. He said theres nothing wrong in what he doing. He said its just normal for man to look on porn. Its really had because I cant open up to my friends and family because I dont know how. They think he is perfect and I am very lucky to have him. KAY5 and i have exactly the same story. The only difference is I'm only 30 yrs oldand my husband is 31. Right now I feel emptiness inside, I really don't know what to do. I love him and I love this family so much. For all I know I did everything to be a good wife and a good mother.Sometimes I asked my self do I deserve all these.

Honey, I think you're being way too hard on yourself. Porn is a mass problem today because of the Internet and it's destroying families. It's highly addictive.

All you can do is tell him how you feel, from the heart, and hope he hears what you are saying. Men can be so stubborn sometimes and sadly, many of them don't consider viewing porn that big of a deal.

Do you have any way of seeing a therapist so he/she can give you some helpful ways of living with this, if that's what you decide to do? It would help you to talk to someone outside of the family that doesn't think he's perfect and that you are lucky to have him.

Hi Summer honey, maybe if these people who care about you knew hubby was using porn and satisfying himself, without you being involved, well maybe he wouldn't look so perfect to them anymore. You might ask him, would he like his perents, sibblings and friends to know what he is doing, would he say it was alright to them????

[ June 19, 2006, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]