I have been the subject of verbal abuse right on this site by an individual that takes different views from her own as a platform for fighting. I've been abused for mental illness, being a poor mother in her view, and several other issues.

Words do hurt. I've seen her attack others for the same reason - simply offering a different perspective.

This is not monitored and if it is, it is sadly supported. It is verbal abuse for anyone who is different.

[ February 24, 2006, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: suzieq ]

Words hurt much more, because the feelings return each time they repeat in your head. Forever.

Bruises fade. Words don't.

My first husband was a terrible verbal abuser. He would praise me in public, but in our private home, he'd tell me I was worthless.

It was a frightening yo-yo affect that lasted for nearly 10 years.

My self-esteem took a beating that probably has never fully recovered. But, I'm a better person for having left him. It's been 16 years since we divorced.

If I never had left, I wouldn't have met my current husband and I wouldn't have known what true happiness is or what a marriage is really supposed to be all about.

Verbal abuse is just as dangerous as physical abuse. And, it's sometimes a precursor to more violence.

Suzieq,

I wouldn't put up with what sounds to me like verbal abuse from both your husband and children. Putting up with peole who are mean to you can only make your feel worse. I've been there, and I'm never going back.

If someone I love says something hurtful to me, I tell them they are behaving badly and don't allow them to get away with it. This is after years of being a doormat.

My family was taken aback at first. Now that they're used to it, they say the like the new me a lot. So do I.

Why is your husband joining in the attacks? Why isn't he calling these kids down and supporting you?

Are they living at home?

Sounds to me like you need to go on strike or get away from it until they get a clue. Nobody should live like this.

Verbal abuse destroys the soul and spirit and I think this is what's happening to you. You have to do something different before there is nothing left but an empty shell. Do it for yourself.

We're behind you if you need support.

Suzie, I don't care what mental illness they have, no one should treat you like that. No excuses! And what is your husband's excuse? He should be running to your rescue, teaching your sons how to contribute rather than aggravating the situation. Can you move out and let these brutes fend for their own vicious selfish selves?

My husband would always go into the jerk mode when his oldest son was around for whatever reason. Had to prove to his son that he was still important in his life. He did it one too many times after promising not to and I packed an overnight bag and walked out of the house. I stayed with a girlfriend and didn't answer my cell phone or communicate with him for five days.

It got the message across to him. We went to counseling to figure out what his problem was.

I'm thinking you might need to take this drastic measure. It will give you some of your power back. You don't leave a note or explain, you just take a mini vacation for yourself and the benefit of that is you get away from the stress and are able to see things more clearly.

Just a thought. If I lived by you, I'd let you come take your little vacation in my guest room!

Suzie, I had second thoughts about my response to you. It was not very supportive of me. It sounds like your family is ganging up on you and using mental illness as a reason. Believe me, I've been there. My father was a paranoid schizophrenic diagnosed with sadistic tendancies as well as a psychopath and a sociopath. He was also an alcoholic and a drug addict before there were drug addicts! He was violent. And a sexual predator. None of this is excused because he was mentally ill. I understand that we are talking about your sons and your husband, and people you love. Here is a passage from my book. I'm sharing to let you know that I understand the play on the heartstrings. He committed suicide.****Whether I loved or hated him, or both, was an abstract piece of heart subject to interpretation. It depended on how I looked at it. My instinct was to love him and expect him to love me in return. That was natural. Perhaps if he had loved me it would have been easier to love him. But he did not nurture love. Instead, he provoked hatred. Love was defeated by fear until I hated him with a passion, which was what he’d asked about. I wrote one line to describe how I felt: It saddens me beyond my tears that love was lost within the fears.
To resolve the tumultuous relationship with my father meant recognizing that he could not be separated from his mental illness. It takes forever to find the scattered shards of the broken heart of a little girl. Yet I was certain that he offered an apology in spirit.****Dianne, is this your current husband you speak of? If so, I know from previous posts that there were tensions with your step sons. Also, if so, It's good to know that with counseling there is help and hope.. Love and Light, Lynn

Yes, it was my current husband. It was a bone of contention for many years. The counselor really nailed him on our first visit.

Dianne, so he changed? So he used to gang up on you with his son, and then he changed? For the most part, right? I do recall some hurts in regards to him and his son(s). But, if he no longer gets on the band wagon, then bravo to counseling. And, at least he knew you and the marriage was worth the effort to go to counseling! LL, L

His son didn't play a part in it. It was all my husband. He created the pattern and set the guide.

After years of this I told him, "Look, I can't make you grow up. I can't make you be mature and I can't make you realize that it's okay to be a father and husband at the same time. I can tell you that what you do hurts me and is damaging this marriage." Seemed to finally hit home.

He would even pretend that he wasn't with me when his son called on his cell. Now, that's the ultimate in immaturity. He stopped doing that and we've stopped arguing about it.

My problems with his sons all came about because I refused to go to a wedding of a lifelong friend's daughter. I had my reasons and they were good ones too. I told him he could go but I didn't want to go. It hit the fan.

This is the reason I've refused to move to MN to be with him over the last two years. I figured he could ignore me in MN or TN and I chose TN. Since he started saying he was with me on the phone, I decided to move to MN to be with him. That's all it took but sometimes, men just don't get it.