Oh Dear Suzie, I am so sorry for your pain. As you can see from my signature below, I too am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (including incest) and young adulthood domestic violence. There seemed to be no where I could go without being violated. In my pre-teens and adolescence, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and was hospitalized for it several times. I am grateful that I never had to under go ECT because in the 60s and 70s it appeared to be drastic measures. I understand agraphobibia because I could have slipped into that condition considering the severe panic attacks I suffered from. My family treated me, the victim, as if I was the cause of the trouble. What, if any, support systems do you have now? My take on sexual assault and domestic violence survivors, as well as mental illness, is that these conditions cannot be "cured" but they can be "managed" via treatments, including drug therapy if indicated by a physician, talk therapy, self-help, self-care, introspection (including journaling) and support systems, etc. You are not a downer or a whiner. You have a right to state the traumatic experiences of your life, because it has not been easy. You could do a search for the 1450 posts I've made in the last year, and you can see that I never really let up about the fact that I experienced trauma. Hey, you might want to search the Featured Author section for April. I was the Featured Author. Maybe you'll find some of the discussion with the forum ladies regarding my book helpful. Or you can visit my site and see many of the resources available to you. One thing I want you to always know is that you are not alone. By not discussing your trauma when you were a child, your family set you up for silence, shame, and isolation. It's time to break those chains, become free, and talk about what is bothering you without thinking that you are coming across as a whiner. Love and Light, Lynn