i agree Dianne... violence or even threats of violence can never be justified, no matter what happens as the result. We may try to make changes because of our experiences, but that doesn't mean our experiences were part of an over arching plan.(

She's reading a little each night and will suddenly ask me questions about things that happened. We have great talks every night and I'm really enjoying her. She's at such a confusing age right now. Her and her father aren't getting along. I'm trying to remain nuetral and just listen.

Well, well, well, when people try to be polite and tell me that "you wouldn't be who you are today if you hadn't experienced what you experienced" I say "I'd like to see who I might have become if I had NOT experienced what I experienced. It's not easy being me." Dianne, it is great that your granddaughter has you to talk to! Today when I was driving I was thinking about how stupid I was to have married an abusive man was I was 19. Then I passed a broke down car. You know what? I was a broke down girl trying to get to adulthood. How could I get to my destination of adulthood with my parts all broken down? Norma, of course what you wrote is relevant. My brother, who molested me, was sexually abused, only he does not remember it. He lives a joy less life. My memory is a blessing and a curse. At least by remembering I can know what I need to heal from, and thus eventually find joy.

Oh Lynnie, you are so honest about what is in your heart. and never ever, ever should any one know such hurts.

If it's okay,i want to say something about the person you mentioned who sexually abused you, although i could be right off base here ...
but if the person, was also sexually abused, he may well remember, but deny it ever happened with a very straight face.

We know one's body can be manipulated into certain sexual reactions whether the victim wanted that to happen or not. But when that happens to a boy, what prevents him, from naively believing not only..'because of my reactions i must have been part to blame' 'something is really wrong with me', or 'i didn't refuse so i must also be guilty' but also 'maybe i am really deep inside homosexual'. A terrifying thought to a male who doesn't want to be considered homosexual.

Their guard is up forever, until they begin to realize .... they were not to blame, it didn't mean they are secret homosexuals, they will not be rejected when others find out, in fact others, who are special to them, will begin to understand why the nightmares which could never be remembered, why the drinking, the distrust, the anger always below the surface and etc. and etc.
and etc. Others too will finally have a chance to heal.

You were not 'stupid' Lynn when you married an abusive man. If anything a deep goodness more often then not gets people into bad relationships. The goodness, that wants to believe the best of others.

Trying to remain nuetral is becoming increasingly difficult. My son kicked my granddaughter out of the house. Sure, she's made some mistakes but not anything a kid at that age doesn't do. It seems like he's set her up for failure. He called and I didn't mention anything but he has to know that I know and of course, I'm only hearing one side of the story.

But...my son has told me he treats her differently than his two younger sons. Like his father, I don't think he necessarily likes females. The things he says to her are the very things his father said to him. It's like reliving history.

So, she's staying with a couple who has a young child. But, the woman called yesterday and said they are moving to CO in three months and does she want to move with them? She's in a tailspin over this. So, I'm trying to help her weigh the pros and cons of it.

Any advice ladies?

Dianne, you said 'he kicked her out' . How is a kid suppose to make it out on her/his own at 17, or whatever? Where was she suppose to go ? If i have no where to go, no sense of security, and those most important to me have 'kicked me out'i'll turn to the first persons who seems friendly.. if she hasn't been lured into an even worse situation by now thank god eh! What better prey for the g d coke dealer than a hurting, naive young person,

There are differences between being 'kicked out',
'given the choice to live under certain rules or leave' and being 'driven out' because one can no longer cope with an unreasonable situation.

Can she not live with her grandma? Her grandma who obviously loves her and who she apparently loves to?

And who among any of us haven't made 'mistakes'?
Particularly those so demanding of others?
I've come to the conclusion that those who are the meanest, have generally made more bad decsions caused more trouble for themselves and others, than any of those they end up berating, belittling, bullying, etc. etc. etc. etc. would ever dream of doing.

I'm going to call my son and talk to him. Norma, she doesn't want to leave AZ. Her friends are there, that's where she grew up, etc.

Wow, Dianne, I can't believe he dared to kick her out. How unfair, and how dangerous to her well being.

Dianne, i just read the amber alert on web page you have..... oh god, that is terrible, and if this girl is found safely --- how does she survive---?? How does she continue to want to live? If God exists, may she be given a thousand angels to protect her right now, if God does not exist, may all those who have ever gone before us and still live elsewhere, come to her rescue, and help her in all ways possible.