I've been sitting on your forgiveness advice for a while, Dianne. You wrote that the smartest thing a victim can do is forgive....You know I write about forgiveness too. I bypassed forgiveness in regards to the DV of the man I was married to in young adulthood. I'm neutral toward him now. I could care less. I don't think about him, or remember him, or obsess about him anymore, or anything. If he's dead or alive, I just don't care. My father, the molester, he's dead, and I forgave him in my own personal way. My brother, the other molester, he's alive, and we rebuild our relationship the best we can based on forgiveness. As for myself, that is the hardest to forgive. I don't think I would advise victims to forgive abusers so readily. Hold abusers accountable, first. Forgive, only if and when ready. I would advise victims to forgive themselves. And I think that forgiveness does not look the same to each one of us. I suppose my neutrality to my ex husband may be perceived as forgiveness to some, others may think that I should throw in a dose of compassion for him in order for it to really be forgiveness. I have no compassion for that menace to society who was married at least 8 times! 4 kids that I know of and never paid child support. So I wonder is it okay to say that it is the smartest thing to forgive? Does that mean a victim is stupid if she does not forgive? Or cannot forgive? Aren't there some crimes that are just so heinous as to be unforgiveable? Is neutrality a form of forgiveness? Is saying, "Father forgive them" enough? I mean, I've said that: "Father, forgive them, "when I haven't yet been able to. I leave it up to God to forgive my ex because I just don't care. After all, who am I to judge how, who, and in what form forgiveness should be. Am I too literal?