Thanks Chatty,

I wish I had some of your moxy. Any way you could mail it to me??

NewLeaf, I suggest asking for prayers for that interview. I know I'll be praying for you. Perhaps this is the break you need right now.

NewLeaf,
I add my prayers. I enjoy corresponding with Katie, too. She's a love and seems to be doing o.k. I owe her a letter and will write soon.

A thought came into my head (along with the slew of them that are always there)! When you finally ditch this bozo, you will have space in your life for something wonderful to enter. As long as you keep hanging on to him, in whatever way, you aren't allowing the space for something new, because he's taking it all up!

Another great al-anon saying: You are allowing him to take up space in your head rent-free!

Have a good one.

Newleaf if I could believe me I would but I bet if you dig down deep within yourself, you'll discover you too have moxy! Just let it out, let it surface and before you know it people will be asking you for some of your moxy too...

I may have found an apartment downtown for only $500 per month and if I can get WIC and daycare assistance, we can make it. I deeply need and appreciate all your prayers. I'm going to let Aaliyah have the bedroom and I'm going to sleep on the couch for a while. Its a 1 bedroom, 1 bath, but big and downtown so we can go for walks and go into all the little shops.

There is a Boston coffee shop down there and the whole downtown Deland area is actively used.

We'ce found a nice church and a better and cheaper daycare for Aaliyan. God will take care of us and it will be OK.

My emotions are healing regarding my husband, I'm caring less and less about what he does or thinks or who he is with.

Once again, thanks to all of you for being there. I'm feeling better and strongsr.

You go, girl!

For two years now I've worried and fretted and had knots in my stomach, been jealous of other women my husband seemed more suited to than me and my self esteem has taken a nose dive. I've put on 20 lbs. out of depression and lost interest in so many things I once enjoyed like fishing and photography (and exercise...)

He won't even sleep with me now claiming his back hurts too much yet he lives on his computer in his free time and has put a lock on his email ogling porno pics of girls in their 20's and keeps a constant supply of viagra...

I've cried and aged about 5 yrs., gone ballistic a few times, drank heavily, lost track of time and couldn't remember the events of the night before, now I barely drink at all, all because I've been so doubtful that I was loved or loveable or intelligent or desirable. I had lost respect for myself because I "let" him abuse me verbally, emotionally and physically.

Now, I'm over it. I just want peace of mind and a future.

Katie has been in jail now for two months and has gone through the initial spiritual awakening and renewal. She spoke of God all the time and how we should trust Him for the future and not worry about anything. She's been through the denial stage, and now she is getting irritated and tired of being there. She wants her freedom and told me the other night that she wants her own life when she gets out.

I've had Aaliyah now since before Christmas and for the past two months have been her sole support. Basically I'm feeling angry toward Katie right now because she indicated that I could stay with my husband and go my merry way when she gets out and she and Aaliyah might move in with one of her buddies from the Wing House who is a bartender and has a baby son by an abusive boyfriend. I told her she's mixing apples and oranges. My decision to leave Warren has nothing to do with her. It's a destructive relationship.

My grandson's dad, who has sent Katie books, magazines, letters and photos while she's been in jail basically got the same brush off as me. She wants him to move himself and his son (her son) back to Florida where the father has no family and few friends and not many job prospects so she can have the convenience of having him (her son)back in her life.

The dad is willing to do it just so his son can have one last chance to be with his mother and experience what life is like with a mom. I'm not so sure Katie will be what we all hope she will be when she gets out.

I really don't want to be hurt again by anyone, especially my own daughter. I don't want her to go back to prison the next time. Her boyfriend, Malik, is a huge black man who is nearly 30 yrs. older than she is, whose occupation is going to all the hip hop concerts and taking photos of the artists for a magazine called Ozone. He promotes Crunk Juice and is constantly photographed with young girls. He is a muslim and they fight physically over stupid stuff. One night they got in a huge fight in our driveway and I had to go out there and threaten to call the police. I don't want her devoting her time and energy to this man any more than she wants me devoting one more minute to my husband.

The future frightens me somewhat. I wonder how long I can wrap my life around others, especiallly when they are so selfish and thoughtless. Especially when I have such a strong desire for peace and order and happiness for myself and Aaliyah and her brother. It seems that if one person doesn't put me in a trap, another does. Am I wrong to feel this way?

NewLeaf, because of your faith I would like to suggest that you keep wrapping your life around God. Be true to yourself. I know from your posts that you know right from wrong. You know what hurts and what builds you up. Stick with what you need to improve your life. Remain faithful, pray, read inspirational books, listen to inspirational music, spend time with positive people, think positive thoughts, keep coming here to share and you will feel so much better. Keep making good choices and you will feel lighter.

You deserve so much credit for taking care of your granddaughter. That is a huge responsibility. I'm sure there are many boomer women who wouldn't embrace that the way you have. Pat yourself ont he back for that. You have a job interview in a couple weeks. Credit yourself for that. You've gotten away from an abusive situation. Kudos. Feel good for all the good choices you've been making. You are on your way to a healthier life. Stay on track. I'm cheering for you and so are other boomer women.

Newleaf, Katie's going through normal stuff. Jail is a roller coaster ride for our kids and us. In all probability she is lashing out at everyone because she is angry with herself. Your job is to let it go and concentrate on yourself. Her life is, her life.

You have your granddaughter and she is a great comfort to you and you are so wonderful to take care of her!

Concentrate on the job interview coming up, eating healthily as you can afford, stop drinking at all if you can (alcohol is a depressent) for the time being, and walk a lot. Find a support group. Find a church you like. Pray. Meditate. Keep a gratitude journal. Stay out of other people's "stuff." It's theirs. The only person who puts you in a trap -- is YOU. Stop "wrapping your life around others" and wrap it around yourself, and, as Dotsie suggests, God.

We love you, just as God does.