Hi Everyone!

Sorry I've been absent for so long. A and I are still living in the old home until July 8th still doing as fine as can be, going to the beach, riding hotwheels around the park, etc.

Still married, still using his insurance and emergency backup for finances.

My question since I am still married to him is am I wrong to know I'm getting a divorce but still continue to "use" him for insurance, financial help, to talk to occasionally, to associate with and have expectations of? I'm trying to make new friends and have a separate social agenda, but he calls and acts like there is nothing wrong at all. Is it possible that anyone could be that clueless?

Last Thursday I had to leave work in an ambulance with a kidney stone blocking one of my ureters and bladder. I was in horrible pain and lay in the er for 10 hrs. I called him as my only local contact and he didn't leave work to be with me and didn't even come to the hospital until the next morning when I was to have surgery.

He wouldn't watch A for me while I was in the hospital, (wouldn't want him to be with her anyway..), but didn't offer to make arrangements, told me "I'd better make arrangements because he wasn't going to be stuck with her and was cursing ." So, I contacted a wonderful family who watches her on Saturdays and they were more than happy to assist even tho it still cost me $70 which I really don't have.

The morning of surgery he came early drinking coffee and kept asking the doctor how long it would take, was told it would be an hour and another 30 min in recovery. He said he was going home back to Deland. The doctor said, "Aren't you even going to kiss her before you leave?"

He took the whole day off from work but didn't use it to come see me at the hospital until later that afternoon when he came to pick me up to go home. He made me pick up my car and drive!from Orlando to Deland after just having had surgery. He basically dumped me off at the house where I rested for a few more hours before driving to pu A.

I had to order pizza for us to have something to eat while he left us alone the whole rest of the afternoon and night while he went to the bar and ate out there. Then he "stopped by" to check on us just before retiring to his own home where "he feels comfortable." but before he did he attempted to eat all the rest of our pizza when he knew we would be hungry the next day and I couldn't cook.

He warned me that we are still married and I'd better not try to hide anything from him. We were discussing lottery tickets. He said if I ever came into money and tried to hide it from him, he would track me down and get what is his.

I can't wait to have him out of my life. What's the matter with him?! What's the matter with ME?!! to even care what he thinks, but I'm not ready to make the final break yet as I'm not set up financially. What would I have done without his health insurance? I'm looking into child care assistance and WIC.

People have been telling me lately that I look just like Goldie Hawn. He looks right at me and says, "I don't see it. I watched Overboard the other night and you look nothing like her besides she's what, 62 or something?" Never tells me I'm beautiful and when I tell him I need to hear it and to feel loved and attractive, he tells me, "I only tell you the truth."

He says I'm stuck with him and he's stuck with me for the rest of our lives. I couldn't stand it. I guess its this interim time where I'm waiting, interviewing for a better paying job, making new friends, broadening my social circle, exploring new interests that It's so difficult.

We never have intimacy, says his back is messed up. Not that I'm interested anyway...He goes on porno websites and ogles all the 23 yr. olds as usual yet says he'd be attracted to me if I acted my own age instead of trying to be a 23 yr. old. I'm not trying to be anything. I like what I like and know what makes me feel pretty and feminine and its NOT him.

Newleaf,
Great to have you back! Sorry to hear about your surgery. It's tough when the only person you have to rely on is someone like this. Fortunately, you have the other family who was willing to help out.

As you grow, you will find more and more people willing to help. There are lots of us out there. And we don't even charge! LOL!

Have you seen a lawyer and filed for divorce?

I do have to ask, why are you expecting this man to change? He is what he is. If you choose to associate with him you are going to keep getting what you are getting.

Don't feel guilty about using his insurance and finances. Just keep moving away.

I beg you to keep this man out of your house. Don't let him in. He is verbally threatening you. Get away from him.

There's nothing wrong with you except that you keep asking from him something that is not possible for him to give.

Take care of yourself! I'll keep you in my prayers.
Casey

Thank you Casey, as always you're right on target. I've never really been afraid of him, but considering how he treats me (like he couldn't care less) and the things he says (which indicate the same), then he tries to act like we are going to be together forever.....just doesn't make me feel comfortable at all.

I think he is afraid of losing the VA benefit he gets from being married and thinks he is on to something re my possible inheritance.

I noticed he had been trying to get into my briefcase while I was in the hospital. I set traps for anything of a private nature just to see if he's been snooping.

He's already spent the money he made from the sale of "our" house. Bought himself a late model car and paid cash for it, has been spending money like he had a fortune.

By the way, Casey, Katie told me she really enjoys hearing from you. She seems to be doing fine but its only been two months. She looks good, at least on TV.

Oh Newleaf, first off I am sorry about your surgery, not what you needed at all. I am going to make this short by agreeing with all that Casey said above. Its good advice. You know and we know from you, that this creep is a loser of the worst kind. Use him and whatever he has for as long as necessary BUT do it while backing away slowly into your new life without the likes of him. No man could ever be more obvious in his dislike of you nor his disinterest in you could he? I think you hit the nail on the head several times by saying, hes interested in the inheritance he believes you're getting, he is afraid of losing the veterans married benefit and hes spent ALL the money from the house sale. This jerk is a slimy toad and you best distance yourself from him and DO NOT allow this lying abuser into your home, he means you no good....Oh and welcome back!

I know, Chatty, someone once said "insanity is repeating the same behaviors expecting different results each time.

I'm focused for the most part and have my eyes on the future away from him. I can almost taste the freedom.

NewLeaf, darn, I am so sorry tohear about your surgery. we need the clouds to move for you. It's time some sunshine got through.

What is one thing that would make you happy? Even if it's just for one hour. decide what it is and somehow figure out a way to revel in that hour and know you are loved by all your boomer women friends.

Also know that women have been in similar situations and pulled through with flying colors.

Stay on your path to gaining independence from him, love that granddaughter, and keep making new friends who are healthy. We're here for you.

Sometimes you can get a divorce and require that the ex carry you on their insurance for a certain amount of time. I'd check into it at least. It's worth a try.

Hope you're feeling better!

Dotsie,

On a limited budget, A and I take our lawn chair,beach towels and lotion to the beach and she plays while I listen to the sound of happy people enjoying the sun and water. It is a time of peace, happy memories and laughter.

Thanks for the tip Dianne. I'm feeling better now and may start walking again today. If/when I am hired by the county and start working, excellent benefits will be available through them. I go for an interview 6/14 at 11 am.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you up to and including the interview on the 14th....