The story by Betti Bernardi, "Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death," touched me deeply. Made me cry in fact, as this is pretty much what I'm facing now, the slow loss of my father. I don't have the strength to face it. I don't know how anyone ever does. The story captures the situation so perfectly, it's clear the author knows what she's talking about.

http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com/stories/parents-through.html

That is the link for those of you who might be interested in reading the story.

I am so glad people are reading those stories. I think there's something for everyone in there.

Flo, sorry to hear about what you are going through. You may want to post about it in the Parents, or Loss forums. There are several women who have gone through similar circumstances within our neighborhood.

Do you live in the same town as your dad. Is your mom still living? I hope you don't mind the questions.

My Dad lives with us, so I'm right here where I need to be to take care of him, and that's good. Thank you for asking.

My mother passed away 12 years ago after a long illness. I took care of her too, and my grandmother, who had Alzheimer's, at the same time.

Thank you again for replying and for caring.

This is a wonderful site. I'm so glad I found it.

Flo, I've had friends whose parents have lived with them. I know it can be stressful. Are you doing anything to care for yourself during this time?

Well, talking to people (crying in shoulders and whining a bit, I'm afraid), but also looking toward pulling myself together, making a list of what needs to get done, and working my way through it. Organization compensates for complication, someone once told me. I need to get organized. And I'm forcing myself to get back to eating better, putting away the chocolates and choosing a salad, and trying to get some rest. I know I need to do these things. It's just hard when you're in survival mode, going hour by hour. But Dad is better today. So I'm getting a little breather to use to tackle paperwork.

Flo, being organized is so important. If you have lists, at least you can check things off and feel the sense of accomplishment. I hope you and Dad are having a great day.

Dear Flo: I'm sorry for the loss of your mom and the situation you are currently facing. Please know that you are not alone. God cares for you deeply. You're doing the best you can to care for your dad. It's admirable.

Please know that you'll be in my prayers too, that you may recieve strength and wisdom to carry on, and find rest for your weary heart. God bless you!

Flo,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. My Dad died the day after Mothers Day a year from the last one. He stopped eating and drinking, and it took him 3 mos to die. I was there for that part of it. My 2 sisters took care of him for 9 yrs. I live 1200 miles away, and my guilt for not being able to help and be there is great. My mom died 6 yrs ago, and they took care of her too.

I hope you do not take this the wrong way, but at least you get to have their last days with them. This is something I would have loved to have, even with the stress. It is also very stressful to not be able to be with them.

You are and have done a great thing, and you and your husband will be blessed! God loves you, and so do we! You, your dad and family are on my prayer list. May your hearts be at peace through God!

Junebug, I appreciate your comment about being with them. We were with Mom until the very end. It was a gift. We knew she was dying so we were able to affirm her life during the last few months. My MIL died suddenly this summer and we weren't given that chance.

There is a great book, The Fianl Gift that I highly recommend to everyone living through the death of a loved one.

Flo Voy, tell us about your dad and one of the most special memories you have of him when you were a child.

My dad never bought me gifts but once he had to go out of town on a painting job and when he returned he had brought me a beautiful blonde-haired doll I named Priscilla. He didn't even bring my two brothers a gift, just me! He was never demonstrative vocally or visibly with his love but I knew and still do, that it's there.

It's got to be so hard seeing your dad slowly slip away. We're still daddy's little girl.

God bless you and know that we here, are all praying for you and a sunny day to make you smile!

Flo,
Have you been to the Leeza's Place website? Leeza Gibbons is an Alzheimer's advocate and her mother is in the late stages. The website is full of helpful tools and information. She was on Larry King Live last evening and it was an inspiring interview.

Flo,

Take time to hug yourself today.

I want to take the time to hug you Flo...

((((HUG))))

Hello. Sorry I haven't been around. Life has been a whirlwind lately. I feel like that little hamster in the cage, running in that wheel, sometimes... only somebody else is turning the wheel.

Things are better. Dad's feeling pretty good right now. I changed his doctors to more proactive, modern, up-to-date people, and it's made a hugh difference. And he's more cooprateive now, about things like taking his meds and eating his veggies, which helps.

Something I remember about my Dad... *thinks* When I was a kid in the 60's, he taught me how to fish and he taught me how to make simple repairs to plumbing (leaky faucets and such), and allowed me to use his tools, something men didn't typically do with their daughters in those days. And he took me on a long drive across the country once. Just me and him. That's when I learned to tie my shoelaces and almost learned to swim.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and hugs. They're much appreciated.

Flo

When your dad's disease is driving you nuts, and you don't think you can handle one more thing, what do you do?

Vi, I just looked into your website and liked what I saw!

As all the ladies always say, it's nice to see the face that goes with the name Vi.

Vi, I have a good cry and then get back to "work."

I put "work" in quotes because it is a labor of love.

One nice thing about getting older, I guess, is that I've lived long enough to appreciate the good moments and know that the bad ones will pass. "This too shall pass," as Grandma used to say.

Update, for anyone who's interested: Dad is doing quite a bit better. Eating better, getting more rest, and getting out a little more. Just got new glasses for him, and that's helped too. And he loved the little Christmas tree I put up, and the Christmas carols I've been (trying to) play on the piano. *whispers* I'm really not very good, you know.

Anything I can do that makes him smile warms my heart and makes me feel better. I take it one day at a time, remembering the Lord's promises, and trying to keep a positive outlook. I don't always manage it, but I try.

Thanks to you all for your encouragement.

Flo, it's wonderful to hear both you and your father are doing so well right now. It's truly the little things in life that matter the most. Nobody can maintain a positive outlook every minute of every day. Trying is what matters

Flo, I can see the Lord working in your life.
Glad to hear your dad is doing better...that would mean your doing better also.
What love...

Flo, may the magic of Christmas continue to lighten your hearts.

You may be interested in posting with our January Featured Author. She wrote the book, Taking Care of Mom: What I Learned That May Help You Take Care of Your Aging Parent.

Thank you. And Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays to all of you too.

Merry Christmas Flo Voy!