Truly sorry to hear that Di.

Di has he or you checked out;

www.makethecall.com

There may be underlying health issues related to his dysfunction, but another angle may be one that my late husband brought to light before he passed away a year and half ago. He was writing a book on sexual desire and relationships.
I read what he wrote and at first was hurt by what he had to say but took it to heart and did something about it....too late, I'm afraid...
He said in his book that as women age, they start to look more and more like men many of them wearing large t-shirts over jeans and tennis shoes, no make-up, short or dowdy hair, their shape takes on a round soft appearance and according to him love isn't enough to generate sexual desire.
Granted not everyone stays young looking and desirable as they age, but it is possible to turn a guy off by looking just like him.
I had gained about 40 lbs. and wore "proper" clothing, Cabin Creek gathered pants outfits and well, just anything that would cover my burgeoning body.
He just wasn't turned on by that and our sex life was very difficult.
I'm not saying this is your problem because you may be a total fox, but it did make a big difference in our marriage. My present husband doesn't even need V even though he is 59 and I am 56. We are like two teenagers even though much of the rest of our relationship sucks...at least that part is great.

Thank you, number 5. Not sure what it is either (he says age), but I'm still tapping my fingers...biting my nails...twisting my hair...biting my lip...wringing a towel...FRUSTRATED!!!

I LOVE my husband, unconditionally.

Number5, you make some viable, valuable points. Men are very sense oriented creatures. It's the sight, scent, even sound, of a woman, that seems to trigger desire. For women, it may often be triggered by a partner's inner attributes, as opposed to their physical ones. Kindness, gentleness, warmth, caring, may be more stimulating to a woman, than the sight of her partner strutting around in a tiger-striped thong.

There is the flip-side, Number5, to what you've stated. This occurs when the woman is a looker, even as she matures, stays in shape, turns heads, out and out sexy, and her man finds he hasn't matured as nicely as he'd hoped, hasn't weathered the years as well. I know of instances where a man's wife has been mistaken for his daughter, and he, only five years his wife's senior. Far from the man finding this a compliment, as to stud-points, for him, it was a real libido killer. I've even heard of a man stating that he and his attractive, sexy wife didn't look as though they should be a couple. Men, as we're discovering more and more, may have far greater difficulties accepting their aging selves, than women. Possibly, many mature men abstain from sexual intimacy not because of how they perceive their women, but more from how they perceive themselves.

And one last comment, here...I have actually read that Viagra, and its copy-cats, are often viewed as the mature man's response to HRT, for women. I have to admit, in some ways, that line of reasoning makes sense, Ladies.

http://www.intouchwithjeannine.com

Jeannine...

Well...that was quite the visual,

"the sight of her partner strutting around in a tiger-striped thong".

Think, I'll go for the kindness, gentleness, warmth, caring.

Jeannine, you are right, I think. Maybe its the fear of performance that kills the libido. The poor guy probably already fears that his wife will be the target of other males and he won't be an adequate lover for her.
I hadn't thought about it that way. I feel like a flibberdygibbit doing it, but a lot of the time I praise my husband for his sexual prowess. He says for him, its the response he gets from me when we make love that turns him on more than my verbal praise.
Maybe if the female appears like she has to have him and desires him, he will respond in kind...?
I personally think the age old "dance" of mating as carried on in nature, will never end until both partners decide sex isn't important for them any longer.

Verbal communication about sexual intimacy at times other than when you can jump in the sack is also key. Don't you think the teasing helps? Kinda give you somethng to look forward to when the kids are all tied up (not literally).

I have a feeling Danita will jump in here. Where are you girlfriend?

I agree Dotsie to a point. Some men when feeling inadequate don't want any form of sexual chit chat and consider harmless teasing as an insult or inuendo towards there performance. After countless sessions with women and men I find that we women as a whole do not look down on our men when they go bald, or get a beer belly or look aged. We accept them as our man, our champion, our lovers and even feel them cute BUT they on the other hand, the men seem to take it as a personal assault on them when we age, get wrinklked, grey or chubby. They don't seem to honestly see themselves the way they look and thats when the problem of looking for something/someone better/younger/prettier starts....Men as a whole are not realistic at all usually. What we consider normal aging they consider tragic (to them.) Just an observation.

Allelujah!!!!!

No other message needed if ya'll know what I mean.

That's all I have to say about THAT!!
~Forest Gump

[ January 15, 2006, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: Di ]