Dear Dee Dee,
Mother's Day is fast approaching. I have your book for my mom and my letter for her. Thanks for everything you have given me over the years.
Renee

When people ask me why I wrote "Dear Mom: Remembering, Celebrating, Healing," I tell them it was a gift I had to share. When they ask me h ow I did it, I tell them I borrowed courage from my friends. Lots of them. CatRenee is one of them.

I think every thing we tackle in life can somehow be less intimidating if we do it "together." At least that theory worked well with publishing. And with most other things in my life.

Dee Dee, I was reading thorugh an old journal for soem other work I'm doing and I came across a letter I had written to Mom. I immediately thought of you. It was fascinating to read how emotional the letter was. I had forgotten how wrapped up I was in her death at the time.

Is it difficult for you to read your book?

Re-reading the letters to turn them into a book was like going through the grieving process again. They are very emotional, and sometimes when I read them at book events, I still cry. Especially when the audience is in tears. But I also laugh a great deal..and that's the wonderful combination of emotions that readers share with me on this journey. We laugh and we cry. After all, our mothers did some crazy things....including mine, who decorated our northeastern South Dakota prairie yard with plastic pink flamingoes, when the native birds were ducks, geese and pheasants! I always wondered about that....and re-reading that letter makes me LOL.

Re-reading the letter about finally saying goodbye always makes me cry. As well as the letter about photos. A newspaper reporter who is writing a story about Mother's Day without mom asked me for a picture of Mom and me. I have vey few of those, because she didn't like being photographed. We have two family photos. I do have a photo, though, of my family standing beside her grave the day after we buried her. It was the hardest photo I've ever taken in my life.

I'm sure the tears make it more real for the poeple listening. I recall speaking at the expo and tearing up when I spoke of Mom. At first I felt foolish, then I decided it must have been okay because women approached me after the speech and thanked me (not for crying, but for my words).

When Mom died, it became important for me to have a picture of her with all five of us kids together. I found few. The one I chose to copy and give to my siblings is one of the her with all of us at Dutch Wonderland, a little amusement park that is still in Lancaster, MD. I'm looking at it as I type. It's in my office. She is grinning ear to ear as she sits with her baby on her lap and the rest of us surrounding her.

It never bothers me when people cry as they're speaking...it's one of the things I love about our President. We all cry, why should we hide it? It makes the person speaking more human and accessible.

[ May 11, 2006, 06:35 PM: Message edited by: Bluebird ]

I certainly did my fair share of crying and then some Sunday! It was the "trifecta" of emotions for me. Mother's Day (the first one with my book and my new granddaughter!), my 30th wedding anniversary, and my daughter's college graduation! The tears were good....and they're real. As I watched my daughter walk across the stage, I thought of my mom and dad, who would be so proud, and how she carries them with her in her heart, and how that makes her journey more complete.

Tears are good....they make a wonderful tribute to the one we miss!

Dee Dee,
Maybe I should get your book and that would help me heal . I lost my 94 year old mother this March5th an Mother's Day was so hard for me . I have my good days and bad and what I call my sad day . I cry sometimes and laugh at what mother said at time. Sometimes when I talk to my daughter I sound just like Mom.
Renee

[ May 17, 2006, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: Renee ]

The first Mother's Day without Mom is very difficult. I had several media interviews on that very topic because more and more of us face it every year.

Go to my web site (www.DearMomBook.com) and read the first chapter of the book. If you'd like my free e-letters, just e-mail me at DeeDee@DeeDeeRaap.com. I have six issues I can send you, and they might help you as well.

Healing is a journey, a very intimate journey. Writing letters to Mom gave me closure as I remembered so many little things about her that I missed. But it also gave me a way to find the things we have in common, and yes, as I tell my daughters, we do become our mothers! At least the good parts of them. (My recommendation is to take the best, leave the rest.)

You're right, we even sound like our mothers, which is one of the letters in my book. When I was a kid and got into trouble, which was more than once in a while, Mom would say, "Someday, your kids are going to do to you EXACTLY what you've done to me!" I said that wouldn't happen because first, I wasn't going to have kids, and second, if I did, they'd be angelic. Mom knew something I didn't know.....and I have said the same things to my daughters. It's one of my finer traditions!)

I'm not a counselor, just a woman sharing her journey, but I really believe in the power of taking the journey of remembering, celebrating and healing. Do you journal? I find it to be critical to my healing process, whatever I'm healing from.

Let me know if you'd like the Dear Mom E-Letters. And take care of you!

Dee Dee, congrats on such a big weekend. DId you have to travel for your graduation?

I was at my niece's graduation Tuesday. I couldn't hlep but hink about my MIL who would have been there with bells on if she was still with us. She just died this summer so it was tough.

My SIL was kind enough to mention her in the otast which brought tears to our eyes.

When another niece married, she hasd a special part in her ceremony to remember her grandmother.