I too agree Sue that honesty is so needed for a person to heal. In the forum here I fear too many only hear what others think they want to hear and not the real cold hard facts they need to help them heal. I was lucky enough to have people who loved me enough to give me those hard facts and it made me see I was killing myself with self pity and in my case that was all wrong. I try to speak honestly, helpfully when asked for advice and get rejection and mud slinging in return. Has that ever happened to you?

Hi, Dianne, actually, I’m not sure I’d exactly use the word “forgiveness.” I mean, since my parents didn’t ask to be forgiven, I can’t say that I have done so in this specific way. (Too, I’m not sure I think that a crime against a child should be forgiven.) However, having said this, more importantly, I HAVE worked through the anger to a large extent. I mean it took many years of therapy, but I have reached a place of relative peace about my life. So the anger that once pretty much ruled my life, isn’t with me in the same way any more. I mean, sure, there are times when I’m angry, but not nearly as often, or as strongly. So this, to me, is the most important thing. In other words, even though of course I have bad days, like anyone, I really have moved on with my life for the most part. But this is a tricky subject, that of forgiveness. And I think each of us has to find her own way through it! Sue

HI, Chatty Lady, I think, most important to me, is to focus on my own emotional honesty. I mean, all I can share with friends is how I feel about something, speak in those terms, and hope that what I say is heard. If, however, someone chooses not to hear my feelings, then I know I can’t force the issue. So I think that’s very positive that you have had many supportive people who hear you! Sue

Sue, I would think it's hard for you to speak to audiences about your trials and tribulations. Do you allow them to ask questions? And if they do, isn't it hard to be reminded of what you've been through? I know I want to aks you things, but fear bringing them up and having you relive them.

Does this make sense?

I might add that I am in awe of what you do for other women. It is selfless because I'm sure it isn't always easy. I sense you do it all for the good of others. But what about yourself. Is it good for you too?

HI, Dotsie, yes, I always do a lengthy question-and-answer session after a speech or reading. In fact, almost always, the Q&A period lasts longer than the speech! To me, this is a very important part of what I do. Mainly, it’s important to me to hear what concerns the members of the audience—what kind of journey they’re on. I can address specific uncertainties and fears. I actually find speaking to others more healing and empowering than scary. So, truly, no need at all to be uncertain about asking me any specific question. Not at all. I am comfortable. I’m very appreciative that you asked, though! Thank you. Sue

Sue,
When people come to your speech and hear your readings do you feel that maybe one person in the room that this is a healing time for them . What I mean by this maybe this has brought closure to there life .When I look for closure and I know that not all the doors in my life will be closed , but sometimes we have to except that and move on . I not sure who told me that , but it has helped the healing .

Sometimes , for some people it can take your whole life time to heal and some people never heal the pain of abuse .

[ February 07, 2006, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: Renee ]

Hi, Renee, so good to hear from you. Yes, I do think that, for some people who attend my readings, it is part of their healing journey. After the reading—and the question period—I always stay around to talk individually with people. Frequently, some will share a bit of their own story with me, let me know about a difficult childhood, or some other struggle. Yes, I think you’re right that for some, healing or closure can be a lifetime journey; I also think, though, that there are different stages one goes through. Oh, you know, we learn different things about ourselves, or our feelings, etc. as we move forward. So in that sense, it’s maybe a matter of always growing. Though I think you’re also right that, sadly, maybe some never heal from childhood pain, or feel as if they can’t move forward. That is the sad part. Sue

Sue, I appreciate you answering my questions about Janie. Janie is a beautiful, kind, fun loving person. She continues to work in the hospital and is a very caring nurse. When I visit her again, I'd like to tell her about you and your book and our conversations, yet I am a little weary about opening up old wounds. I am going to play it by air. I commend you for writing your story and sharing it with the world. It takes a mighty fine, strong caring individual to be so unselfish.
chick

Sue, your book is the most descriptive I've ever read about child abuse.

How you described what you went through often made me c r i n g e and gave me goose bumps. The scene with your father in the back bedroom with the bottle and glass made me want to vomit. I felt sick to my stomach.

Your writing style is out of this world. YOur honesty is admirable.

I honestly don't understand how your mom could be in the other room and not come to your defense.

Was dealing with your mother's lack of defense a huge part of recovery?

To my knowledge, you never spoke with her about this. If not, why not?

I hope I'm not being too nosey. It is not my intention. I ask so others who are holding secrets might learn how to deal with the ignorance of family members.