Sue, have you maintained freindships with your childhood friends? If so, are they aware of what you went through as a child?

I loved the part in your book when you spoke of your friend's pajama party. I so badly wanted more of those experiences for you as a child. Even if you did steal the pajamas. I thought it was precious the way you returned them!

Oh, and I loved Christopher. Ever see, or hear about him?

I just ran into my very first boyfriend at a high school basketball game the other night. I hadn't laid eyes on him in 30 years. My heart went a flutter, my face turned red, and I was immediately taken back to the ice rink where we met. I think I was stumbling over my words. What a doofus. Me, not him.

[ February 09, 2006, 11:17 AM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Hi, Dotsie, ironically, just this past November, I attended my high school reunion. Previous to that, I’d lost all contact with everyone. But with the reunion (and all the flurry of emails leading up to it), yes, now my high school friends know about the incest. And they’ve all been truly supportive of me. So telling them has been a very positive experience. Of course, as one would have guessed, I’m NOT the only one who had a difficult childhood. It’s just no one talked about things back then, so we’re all only discussing it now.

However, Christopher, my boyfriend, did not attend the reunion. I do have his email address and have been trying to work up the courage to contact him. I’m just not sure what to say. What’s so very sad is that Lynn (his “other” girlfriend whom I write about in my book) committed suicide a few years after we graduated high school. Isn’t that strange, that he was torn between the two of us who were equally struggling—though neither of us showed it at the time. I always thought she was “fine” in high school.

That’s fascinating that you just ran into your first boyfriend! I can understand your reaction! I know if I saw Christopher, I would be tongue-tied, confused, etc. Those early relationships are amazingly powerful!

I’m so pleased you like the pajama party scene in my book. Whenever I give a reading, I always read it! Sue

Sue,
Hello again ! I have question for you . I purchased a magazine called "Writer's Digest " they have so many wonderful ideas about how to get started in writing . As you know I have started my book and had to stop for now . I am Chairman of my high class reunion committee. .

In the Writer's Digest there is an article called Gaining Perspective . In this she explains the exercies of trying to recature a sceen from your childhood , for example a summer day at the pool and the color of your bike, etc.

Did you first keep a journal of the abuse by your father ? I have notes that I took and court hearing paper and picture that I have to go one to write , but I think I will start putting this down in a journal , What do you suggest !

I am going to sign up for a writing course at our local college here in town and have it audited .


One more thing I wanted to tell you . I have membership to the American Thyroid Foundation and in there news letter "The Bridge" they were asking for your expercies with thyroid surgery . I emailed them my story and they liked it so much that they emailed me back and said several months ago that they were thinking of pubishing my story and would get back to me. I just received an email that they had edited my story and to look it over . My rely was just as good as my excitment about helping someone out that will have upcoming surgery and very scared .

This is a start and will send you the link when the editor sends me and email soon.

Just had to share with you,
Renee

[ February 10, 2006, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: Renee ]

Hi, Renee, A big congratulations about your story being published by the American Thyroid Foundation! I know it will help many people. Yes, please send the link when it's up.

I actually didn’t keep a journal, but I STILL think it’s a very good idea to keep one! The only reason why I didn’t keep one is because I’d never really planned to write about my own life. I wrote fiction for years before I began to write the memoir. So, when I did start to write the memoir, it was rather suddenly—at the suggestion of my therapist—and shortly after my parents died. In other words, had I planned it in advance, I probably would have begun by making notes and journaling.

The suggestion of the Writer’s Digest, in terms of an exercise, is excellent. In case you’re interested, here are a few other suggestions for exercises, what you might try including in a journal:

Recall a photograph from childhood. Write a paragraph about it using the voice of who you were (the young girl) when the photo was taken. Next, write a paragraph about it through the voice of who you are now.

Do the same with a room from your childhood. Write two paragraphs, one describing the room using the voice of who you were when a child. Then, through the voice of who you are now.

With both of these exercises, be sure to use all five senses in the description: taste, touch, smell, sound, sight.

In your journal, write a letter to someone who hurt you as a child, telling him or her your feelings toward what they did to you. (Note: this letter is only for your journal, not to be mailed.)

In your journal, write a letter to your inner child, telling her how you feel about her.

Decribe a dream as if it were in black and white. Describe the dream in color. Describe the dream using the five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. How does the dream make you feel? Which elements of the dream remind you of childhood? Which images remind you of sensory moments from childhood? What are they?

Sue,
Thank you so much this is a big help to me . I plan on buying a journel at the book store . There are lots of pictures that mother gave me that my brother didn't want them.
I am very happy that mother let me have the family pictures before she went into the nursing home . In fact the pictures are in a box at my computer . I have written some on the computer in my word files , but had to stop .

Asways a pleasure talking with you Sue,

Renee

Hi, Renee, always a pleasure to talk to you, too! That's great that you have so many family photographs. It amazes me how much can be learned by studying them...and then writing about them, too. For example, in almost all of my family photos, when I am a little girl, I am standing or sitting close to my father--almost as if he's claming me--while my sister stands just slightly separate from the rest of us, as if she wished she didn't belong to us (which is probably, on some level, true). These photos just reveal so much! So I'm thinking you have a wealth of material in your photo box! Basically, I think that all of these mementos can be important prompts in our writing! Sue

Sue,
Our photos can almost tell our story of our lives from the past . That is interesting about you sister standing so far away . I will check my family pictures out now . That brings to my attention of a picture of a young cousin who was so unhappy about her life that when you took he picture she would fold her arms in front of her .

I sign of unhappiness,
Renee

[ February 12, 2006, 01:50 PM: Message edited by: Renee ]

Hi, Renee, yes, these photographs really ARE "snapshots" of our lives. It's amazing what can be learned by this body language. Plus, to be able to actually SEE ourselves when we were young, helps awaken memories. Descriptions of these photos work so well in writing, too, of course. Sue

Dear Sue,

This is the first time I have ventured into the discussion here. I think I was afraid of old memories being triggered and making this winter seem even worse. I've only told one other person about the incident remember the most, even though it went on for quite a long time. I was afraid of facing my feelings again after finally putting the issue to rest (I thought). It hurts me but makes me feel not so alone to know that others have their own horror stories.

I have one question for you. When you were growing up, were there other men that tried to take advantage of you? While I was growing up, I felt like I had this huge mark on my forehead that said "Hey, I'm already unclean, molest me!"

Thanks for your insight on this issue that has been kept in the dark far too long.

Sherri - A Survivor