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#73891 - 09/27/05 09:56 PM
Re: Eagle Born To Fly, Sharon Matthies
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Member
Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
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So, glad you shared this. So important for everyone to recognize.
I've had bouts of depression off & on for many years. At one point my dad came to live with us, he was very sick...but, wouldn't go to a doctor. He made me promise to never call a ambulance, even if he passed out. Needless to say, therapy was needed. Stayed on anti-depressant for couple of years.
One of my son's has ADHD and ODD, he's better now... thank the Lord. But, when he was a teenager it was absolutly unbelievable. Building bombs, sucidal, constant trouble at school. He spent a year away in a hospital setting. Yet another time for therapy.
Yet again I'm depressed. Mainly due to my heart med's Lopressor & Nifedipine Causes an array of side effects...depression being one. Have tried several anti-deppressants, just can't seem to get past the first week on any of them. Worst part of my day is after waking up in the morning, the not wanting to move, helplessness, sadness. Crying, but I see that as a good thing...release.
Made an appointment last month & went to a woman psychiatrist. Thinking, being a woman she will understand the heart, menopause, blood pressure thing. She actually laughed out loud at one point. Snickering behind her notebook. Was I amused... NO. Felt so hurt and shamed, not sure if that shame & hurt was for me or her. She charged $200.00 an hour for the embarrassment.
My medicines serve two purposes, one to control variant angina the other high blood pressure. Maybe, she should have been in the cardio ward with me. Frightened and scared... would I ever see my family again. Wondering if every breath was your last. Geez, do people really not care any more. Think I read a post here the other day here about morals and values. Are they still alive in the world? Anyways, therapy is not at the top of my list right now.
You are right....winter months & dreary days are the worst.
Truth is, I have found a lot of peace & light right here.
Thanks --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.
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#73892 - 09/27/05 10:51 PM
Re: Eagle Born To Fly, Sharon Matthies
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Smile, you were right about the napping. LOL. Thanks for filling in.
This is where I still falter...exercise. I was in excellent physical condition while working...running up and down several flights of stairs many times a day (cardio)...carrying heavy computers and monitors everywhere (weight-bearing), long brisk walks every lunch and got off the bus 2-3 busstops early so as to get in another long walk home (not in the icy winter though).
When I crashed, I crashed big-time. The combination of burnout, chronic fatigue, depression and grief all had me bed-ridden for about 3 months. Then it was a very long road back, involving intense mental work. Exercise took a back seat for too long, making it very difficult to come back physically. Add to that panic attacks, paranoia and severe anxiety, which made it almost impossible for me to step outside my front door without hubby by my side. That's where I was when I stumbled into BWS.
Now, because of being here and the healing that's been happening in me through all of you on this site, I've worked my way back to doing two flights of stairs about 10-15 times a day, a good brisk walk outside most days, knee exercises and stretching exercises most mornings. It's still not enough. But it's a start.
One ongoing problem I have is that sometimes the high energy output DRAINS me and puts me in bed for several hours. That's dangerous for me.
Sometimes it energizes me and gives me a delightful boost that lasts for hours. That's good for me. Unfortunately, I never know which way it's going to go before I start outputting the energy. But I always know when the energy drain is the dangerous one, so have to stop immediately and revert back to simple stretching exercises for a few days to replenish that lost energy.
The one thing I know now that I have to do is INPUT enough fuel (food and liquids) to allow for the energy output and still have some energy in reserve.
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#73894 - 09/28/05 12:27 AM
Re: Eagle Born To Fly, Sharon Matthies
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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Just took the color test. I was mostly blue, yellow came in second. This doesn't surprise me as my favorite colors are blue and yellow! I believe blue represents spirituality and yellow is for intellect.
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#73895 - 09/28/05 12:34 AM
Re: Eagle Born To Fly, Sharon Matthies
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Member
Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
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Most days, I feel most comforatble right here at home. Not sure I have the extra energy to search for the right therapist right now.
Another reason for the appointment was medication. Clinic doctor had prescribed the anti-depressants one after the other. My thinking was a psychiatrist would be able to match the medicine that worked best, for my needs.
At the time I made the appointment with this lady, it seemed like I was dancing the edge. Stayed in the house where I felt secure. Even two days prior to the appointment I didn't even know if I would be able to get behind the wheel of the car. So, I have moved beyond the point of not leaving the house. See alot more improvements since June, but I take baby steps.
What really frightens me, is having a son that threatened sucide and a father who succeeded.
Brenda
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#73896 - 09/28/05 12:45 AM
Re: Eagle Born To Fly, Sharon Matthies
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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Eagle, Sounds like you're doing great with the exercise. I have been inactive for much longer so about anything looks good to me at this point. After only 3 weeks, I'm up to almost an hour of semi difficult working out. And boy am I glad. The first day I couldn't do much of anything. In addition to making sure you have enough calories and liquids for exercising, maybe you should make sure you get enough rest between exercise days. My trainer says in the begninning you need as many rest days as exercise days. The rest days are when you really get strong as your muscles scar over. I did every other day at first and now I'm taking Wed. Sat. and Sun off so I don't over do it. As to the therapist thing, you would be astounded at the things therapists share about their patients with nurses and other doctors. Possibly worse is the ones who counsel patients for years and know absolutely nothing about them or their condition. They wind up in the hospital from an overdose and the psychiatrist comes in and sometimes doesn't even recognize the patient's name. Of course there are also those who are truly concerned professionals, but it seems as if one could grow old just trying to find the right one. Hopefully you have some hints. Thanks for letting me fill in. It was fun. smile P.S. Actually psychiatry is my hobby. I am forever amazed at the things perfect strangers tell me in the checkout line. My husband says, "How on earth did you find all that out?" and I say, "Well, they just told me." He says he's known people all his life who have never revealed that much about themselves. Amateur psychiatry is a nice hobby for a writer, but don't try it at home. [ September 27, 2005, 11:52 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]
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#73898 - 09/28/05 03:02 AM
Re: Eagle Born To Fly, Sharon Matthies
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Brenda, I don't have official stats to back myself up here, but I am CONVINCED that when a parent commits suicide, at least one of the children in the family will follow (or try to follow) suit. I've heard and seen the connection too many times. So much so that there have been two separate instances in my recent past when a mother has shared with me about struggling with suicidal thoughts. I asked each one point blank, "do you know that if you do this, take your own life, that one of your children WILL do the same thing, if not right away, then probably when they reach the same age that you are when you kill yourself?" They were both shocked at that, and after talking about it at length, the fear of one of their children doing the same thing was enough to make them NOT DO IT, and seek help.
How old was your father when he committed suicide? And how old were you when you first started thinking about it? And how old was your son when he first started? Is there an age connection? Maybe not, but I'm willing to bet that you're all struggling against that family history. We already know that there is definitely a genetic predisposition to depression. I believe that there's also a predisposition to suicide, perhaps not so much genetic, but through some strange medically-indiscernable linkage.
I also believe that this generational chain of suicide can be broken...but only when one of you deliberately STOPS the chain reaction of suicide and wholeheartedly commits to choosing life once and for all.
Again, I'm no expert, I have no stats or medical background to support my opinion, and you know that I know it's not easy. But I am convinced that knowing about the "generational chain reaction connection" is a vital clue and key to conquering these suicidal tendencies. You're not only fighting the disease itself, you're also fighting family history and generations worth of the disease...but once you realize that, half the battle is already won.
Addendum: Brenda, if I recall correctly (and forgive me if I'm not), you have expressed some measure of spirituality, so I'm going to add this little note: I also believe that this is exactly the kind of situation where we can ask God to heal our family history...to heal the damage done by generations past, to heal the wounds that their suicides have left behind in their children and children's children. We ask God to come into OUR lives, and into all the lives impacted by these ancestral actions, and heal and RE-CREATE our hearts and minds for LIFE, because we've been so focused on death for so long (perhaps generations).
This doesn't mean instant healing. But I firmly believe God answers that prayer with great joy and creativity. [ September 28, 2005, 12:16 AM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]
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