Dear Sharon,

I just wanted to share how much I appreciate your openness and candor. I find that our experiences have led us down pretty much the same path. I'm still working on the faith part, but I do know that I am loved by God and He is with me, even if I don't go regularily to a "Church" building.

Thank you, Sherri.

It was never drilled into me that I HAD to go to church, but somewhere along the way it became one of those inner "shoulds" that would cause me great guilt and shame if I disobeyed. It wasn't until just recently that I realized that going to church is meant to be a healthy, joyful thing, not yet one more law we're supposed to follow blindly.

I think Church is supposed to be more about being part of a caring community of fellow pilgrims, nurturing and encouraging each other for the next leg of the journey. That would make it a tender tidbit of wisdom from a very loving Companion who knows us so intimately well that He sees how alone we feel, and knows how much our hearts need the uplifting care from each other...contrast that tender image against the finger-shaking church-or-hell image of God we somehow adopt along the way.

Unfortunately, church isn't always the caring community of fellow pilgrims we need it to be. It took me several years to find the church we go to now, and until we found this one, I couldn't stomach going to the other churches in the area at all...very cold, distant and uncaring. IMHO, that's not what church is supposed to be!

In fact, if we truly believe that Church is meant to be "a caring community of fellow pilgrims, nurturing and encouraging each other for the next leg of the journey", then that makes THIS site very akin to Church, doesn't it?! Who ever said it HAD to be a "building"? Church is wherever two or three of us are gathered...I'm one, you're two, and you know that there are dozens more within this community who would quickly and joyfully volunteer to be the third...

[ September 13, 2005, 12:38 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Eagle Heart, Your writings have really struck a cord with me. I believe God has been calling me my entire life. When I was a child, I rode the church bus in order to attend and if my parents didn't allow me to, I would cry. He always put people of faith in my life and so I did experience the church. When I finally made a committment to Him, I got involved in a church that was very disfunctional and I learned the hard way that a church is just a place where sinners go for many different reasons, not all are noble. When I became somewhat of a leader and taught a class or led a group, I learned that some people really hate you for stepping out. I wasn't very strong and didn't have good boundaries at the time to be able to handle it. Having good boundaries means keeping the bad out and allowing the good to come into your life. Well, now I do a good job of keeping the bad out, and I'm not so hot at allowing the good in.

I agree that a church is whenever people gather to worship, learn, pray and support each other in living God's way. But I also believe that He wants us to be in Church because it is much better to walk the path with others.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl,
I love that image of you crying if your parents wouldn't allow you to go to church...not the crying part, but the deep love that you already had for church and God.

I had such a deep love for God all through my childhood. The only time my Mom had to drag me to church was when there was a Shirley Temple movie on the TV, but that wasn't very often, especially on a Sunday morning. Most Sunday mornings, I couldn't wait to go to Sunday School and church.

Like you, I've been heavily involved in church most of my life, starting choir at the age of 6, teaching Sunday School for years, studying theology for 2 years, serving on the Parish Council and various committees, and continuing to play piano and help to lead the choir right up until I was 40. Then I just completely burned out. That's when I began to experience the dysfunctionality of church firsthand...my experience was that as long as I was giving, giving and giving until I had no more to give, I was a welcome, beloved member of the congregation. But when I became too burnt to give, and unable to bring my guitar to church functions anymore, I suddenly became invisible and discarded. It was very disillusioning.

But because of my faith history and personal relationship with God, I was able to separate that disillusionment and dysfunctionality of the human side of church from the core reason for being there...because it IS much better to walk the path with others.

But, like you, I had to learn how to create and maintain those boundaries, keeping the toxic out and letting the good (God) in, before Church could be the same joyful place it had been all my life before my breakdown. It was during that time of disillusionment (and feeling totally abandoned by the very church I had loved, served and given to for so long) that the "2-3 together" thing kept me from walking that path totally alone.

Eagle Heart, I have a feeling that God put this website in my life for a reason. I found it quite by accident, by searching for something totally unrelated on Google. I was drawn for it for a reason and I'm sure God keeps up with technology.

I have had a breakdown, years ago, but I didn't ever really have anyone I could turn to and I think God carried me for a while until I could pull myself together. I think I've been hanging on ever since, not functioning 100%, but not crashing either. I know I'm at a crossroad in my life, very disaatisfied with it, and waiting for the next chapter.

I sang in the choir for 1 year but the problem is I can't carry a tune in a bucket. But I did enjoy it so much and it is a wonderful way to worship. I miss it, but I don't miss the dirty looks from the choir director. (Really, they were very patient with me) LOL It's better if I contain my singing to the car.

I must confess that I have had a secret dream of becoming a writer and here I am exposed to a whole gaggle of wonder women writers. I would like to read everyone's books!

Daisygirl

Daisygirl,
Since stumbling in here myself a few months ago, this place and the women in here have dramatically changed my life...the difference is astounding and nothing short of miraculous.

I too stumbled in here "by mistake", but it didn't take long to see that this was the most perfect answer that God could ever have given me to so many of my anguished prayers at the time.

The one thing that I cherish above all about this website is that every single woman who is here brings within her a unique and much-needed wisdom and voice. When we connect with care, and speak our wisdom, and truly listen to one another, healing happens.

However you found your way here, trust that you're here for a reason, not only to help you find your way through that crossroad and into the next chapter of your life, but to help others along the way, both through your searching and your life experiences thus far that have brought you here.

You're already doing that, helping others here. I've seen it in other posts that you've written. There's no doubt Who was behind your stumbling in here, and there's no doubt that we need your voice and wisdom.

Nothing is impossible within these virtual halls and walls.

[ September 13, 2005, 11:49 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Maybe if we weren't so burned-out, we could pull together and teach our congregations to be more respectful and supportive of those who can't keep giving non-stop and need to pull back once in awhile...back to that whole "ebb and flow" thing that I've mentioned here, and will be talking about again.

Unfortunately, when it comes to church, by the time we're burned out, we're TOO burned out to do even that.

Speaking of church, we have our monthly 55+ Club meeting today...going for a picnic and touring an old mill on the river. It's our first meeting since May, so we're looking forward to seeing everyone again.

But it means I won't be around here until later this evening. But I'll post a new topic before I leave, just in case anyone needs some new reading material.