Congratulations on the interview...I'm sure it went well.

Brenda

Thanks Brenda. A few wobbles here and there.

It's already available for anyone's listening pleasure (all 30 minutes of it!! She didn't cut even one single wobble!) at www.byforandaboutwomen.com

I agree with your thoughts. This doctor made me feel like I wasn't a good enough Christian or I wouldn't be depressed. He said it showed I hadn't given everything over to God. Very self-righteous. I was struggling so hard and he made me feel worse.

I've never felt it was a choice. Had I been given a choice, I wouldn't have been depressed.

Dianne, these kinds of statements and attitudes make me so angry...how dare people, especially Christians, make such outlandish unloving declarations about God. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is what God is...people just don't understand the concept of that word "unconditional". We put all kinds of conditions and parameters around what's acceptable in God's eyes, but it really says more about our own limitations and imperfections than about God...we project our own incapability to love unconditionally onto God and declare that imperfect image of perfection to BE God. But it ain't so. Those projected limited images of God are very toxic, dangerous and UNloving.

IMO, if it doesn't uplift, edify, bring light, healing and make you feel MORE loved than before, it isn't the Truth about God. Unconditional love builds us up, accepts and loves us for who we are and at the same time shows us that there's infinitely more possibility, not to make us feel worse about ourselves, but to bring hope and encouragement.

If other people's images and words about God don't do that - make us feel loved and hopeful about ourselves and life - if those words push our noses into the muck and make us feel less than loved - then we need to question those words and images.

Dianne,

Just a thought...

Wonder if your therapist would have asked Job, if he had given everything over to God?

Everyday I pray for my depression to be lifted.
God has many paths, I need to keep my heart open to the path, he wants me to take.
It is not always the easy road, no matter how much we would like.
My hope, faith and trust is ...in his time he will.

Many thanks Eagle...you are filled with much truth and light. May you continure to shine.

Brenda

He wasn't my therapist. He was my physician. I should add that he and his wife divorced and she reported him for molesting their daughter. He fled and we believe, ran to Canada. So much for his Christianity. I think he had his own demons to deal with and tried to push them on other people, meaning..his patients.

I'm going to segue right into that much-anticipated ( ) discussion on therapists. Note that this will be a general discussion: horror stories, success stories and general ranting about how hard it is to find the good ones. I'm not going to be able to provide adequate help in terms of actual contacts or even links to go to.

I frequently get asked about the medication versus therapy debate. My answer depends on the circumstances. For chronic depression, meds would normally be enough...most of us know our depression well enough to know when it's time to go for more therapy. But for children, first time sufferers and serious clinical depression, I think one-on-one (and possibly group) therapy is essential. I don't think children should be prescribed anti-depressants, but if/when AD's are prescribed, regular weekly therapy should be mandatory.

That's often easier said than done. Finding a good therapist can be another one of those "needle in a haystack" situations.

When I was (voluntarily) hospitalized with severe depression in 1984, I went through two psychiatrists before finally finding the third one who "clicked".

The first psychiatrist was a guy who laughed a lot. He was warm, caring and interested, but didn't "get" the seriousness of my depression. Because I laughed at his jokes and smiled too much, he thought I was cured and sent me home after only two weeks. I don't remember how I ended up convincing the hospital to take me back and to take me seriously, but thankfully they did.

The second psychiatrist was a woman intern who looked EXACTLY like me. It was like looking into a mirror. Tall & very thin. The same long fly-away blonde hair. Blue eyes covered by thick glasses. She even dressed the same way that I normally dressed. It was eerie and very unsettling, especially because I was so full of self-hatred at the time and could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. I found it impossible to be honest with someone who looked like me, and she too sent me home too soon. I called her for help the morning I was suicidal but her only advice was to go out and get myself a cup of coffee.

After my overdose, I ended up in Dr. Reynold's office. Dr. R. was the head honcho and decided to find out for himself if I WANTED to be helped before he invested anymore of his staff's time and energy in me. Within seconds of being brutally honest with each other, he told me "I LIKE you. I think we'll do well together, don't you?" And we did. He was one of the best therapists I ever had. In fact, Dr R. was the one who first suggested that someday I write my story. We lost contact over the years, but he was thrilled when he heard about my book and wrote me a lovely congratulatory note.

I have one more to tell you about, but I'll save it for tomorrow.

[ September 28, 2005, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Eagle, I think therapists can be invaluable when we are having a bout of depression, a family situation or getting over our childhood issues. Sometimes I think we expect too much out of them though.

The first time I went to a counselor was when I was getting divorced from my first husband. She did help me, but I attended the same church as her and heard that she was divulging personal information about some people. I couldn't go back to her after that because I am a very private person. The next counselor was wonderful, and I went to her for years. After my second marriage was going bad because I shortly discovered my ex was a mean alcoholic, she said I was so ready to give up because my dad was the same way. In other words, there was something wrong with ME! Duh, I was proud of myself for not hanging around for more abuse.

It seemed that for so many years I tried and tried and tried so hard to just be satisfied - I realize life is not about being "happy". I pored out my heart to my journal, friends and therapists, and I learned that when I am feeling bad, the best therapy is retail. he-he Just kidding. I haven't seen anyone since, except for one time recently, but she was really clueless. I think I've learned that my decisions (and instincts) are usually right and when they're not I just live with it.

Today I had a job interview and it went really well. I'm really excited about it. The interviewer even asked to contact him if I get another offer. Who woulda thunk it? I don't know why I am so hard on myself. I sometimes have to have a talk with myself about lightening up a little and giving myself a break.

Daisygirl

Gals,

I can so relate to everything you all have had to say on this topic of doctors and therapy. My family doctor still doesn't have a clue to meds and especially withdrawal from them. When I mentioned electric shock feelings on withdrawal (and I mentioned them more than once), all she had to say was "Interesting." I am very thankful that I've found a wonderful Christian doctor who's a mood disorder specialist and is presently treating me.....but we're still doing the up and downs of trying to find the correct meds.

I've had good and bad therapists but can say I've also found a wonderful one in this program I'm presently in. And there's always the ones that "could" be good for someone else but just not for us.....

I know if we all hang in here together on this and support each other, it will be such a blessing to each of us. That's a huge part of the battle, just having someone who understands. But, as Eagle said, there's no glimmer of happiness when we're caught in the quagmire of sinking depression.....and the last thing we need to hear from someone is "What have you got to be sad about, you have so much going for you." If they could only truly understand!

Hugs,

Mary

I was blessed with a wonderful therapist that ran The Gestalt Institute in Phoenix. That man saved my life. I worked very hard along with him to regain some sanity in my life and when he finally told me he was afraid my husband might kill me, I took him seriously and left. I did therapy on and off for two years to be sure I had rid myself of all the abuse.