Ladies, this is a PM, edited a little, I sent to Eagle and she in turn encouraged me to post it. I am sometimes a little too private, so I decided to step out here and take a chance.

Eagle, I have taken a similar personality test and it was determined that for introvert/extravert I was right in the middle. Some would consider me shy, but I really just don't have a lot to say unless it's either worthwhile or totally goofy.

My company had a sales meeting for the team I'm on and one of my co-workers, who I only see 3 times per year, kept making comments about me not talking. He also made comments to my boss and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I really did feel like a social outcast or a freak.

When I came home, I made an appointment with a counselor, and she said I'm in the wrong field for my personality. She said I need to look into another profession and I think that is so unrealistic I didn't go back. I mean, who would pay my house payment while I "find myself". I do not like my job anymore and would love to explore other options, but it just doesn't seem possible at this time. I could sell my house, but then I would have to give up Daisy and playing in the sandbox with my grandson.

My feeling was that I could start attending Toastmasters or something similar and work on my public speaking skills and try to be more forthcoming with my ideas. My job includes training and some public speaking and that is the part I hate. I am searching for a job at this time.

Eagle, so many things you write about really hit home with me. I've read several books about depression but they are always too clinical and impersonal. Thank you for your book and taking the time to respond to all of us.

Daisygirl

Hi Daisygirl,
I appreciate you sharing your experience, and the courage it took to share it here in particular.

The workplace can be such a minefield, especially for introverts, strong intuitives, feelers and deliberators. I hope other introvert/intuitives here will come and share how they maneuvered it themselves over the years.

You said you took a similar test; I'd hazard a guess that you're probably a fairly strong Intuitive. Intuitives with any shades of Introversion tend to have a really hard time feeling valid, appreciated and "niche-d" in the workplace, because it's the extroverted logical types who tend to hustle and bustle their way to the top. But trust me, we DO BELONG, even if we haven't yet figured out how or where.

My own therapist suggested the same thing to me about the job situation. By that time, though, I had been forced to leave because of the severity of my breakdown and fatigue. But he couldn't imagine how I had survived in that particular field of work for so long without breaking down long before I did. And yet, it was one of my all-time favourite jobs!! So I had some difficulty accepting what he said.

I would not have been able to switch jobs either, partly because I had just sunk thousands of dollars into retraining myself for this field...I could not have just thrown all that investment away. Of course, by allowing myself to burn out so severely, I did throw it all away in the end anyway, didn’t I!

My view on it is that no matter where we go, we carry any unresolved "baggage" with us, so the problems don't necessarily disappear; they just take on different faces. Until we come to terms with the root cause of our work-related difficulties, we might never be able to completely escape them.

That being said, sometimes people ARE in the wrong jobs. If our job is constantly diminishing our energy rather than providing some measure of satisfaction and meaning, then we have to look at the possibility that our job IS contributing, if not causing, our fatigue, growing sense of disconnection and powerlessness…perhaps even hopelessness (because we see no end or possibility of change in the near future), which is one of the hallmarks of depression.

In your case, if the reality is that you have to stay in your job for the time being, then you CAN (and MUST for your own health and sanity) find a way to not only survive there, but thrive there. If the main reason you don't enjoy it anymore involves your co-worker's confrontational comments and the feelings they provoked within you, then you can perhaps try to find a way to dig through those feelings (not letting HIM define you or your value at work) to the core truth of who you really are...a valid, worthwhile member of the work team.

IMHO, that's what your therapist could be doing with you, rather than telling you to find another profession. Who can afford to do that on the spur of the moment...maybe that's feasible for long-term planning, but for now, you have to find a way to co-exist with your co-workers, and find some joy and satisfaction in your workplace while you’re still working there. It is do-able.

Toastmasters sounds like an awesome idea! Sigrid MacDonald, another one of our sisters here, is taking Toastmasters and raves about how it's boosted her confidence, as well as her comfort level when speaking in front of people. It's the kind of training that would be useful in so many different work and life situations. So I say "go girl! You can DO it!"

[ September 22, 2005, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Daisy,
This is probably a totally unrealistic approach to your problem and I know it goes against every cell of your being, but when I have been in a similar situation, even when I definitely did not feel thankful, I forced myself to thank God for the job. I was thankful for not fitting in, the poor pay, the many conflicts, my own personality that obviously did not fit, the way I seemed to be failing, all the problems that arose, everything. And I forced myself to do it every day before I left for work.

My pastor told me to try that and somehow after just a short time it changed things. I would go to work calmer and pretty soon, I began to find things I liked in that job and when I got a better opportunity, I was actually sad to leave.

I know that makes no sense, but it might be worth a try.

smile

Thanks for your response Eagle and Smile,

First, I should say my therapist explained how she changed her profession 3 times in her life, but she has been married 30 years. Can a person who has never experienced the single life understand? They possibly could understand some aspects of it, but not the "alone" part.

Smile, I am very thankful for my job and everything I have. I probably do not thank God enough, that's for sure. I do know He has been with me even though I have not been very faithful to Him.

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis,and it involves my acknowledging my aging, finding a profession I enjoy and can make a living from, but most importantly,I need to find my way back to God.

THESE SHADOWED VALLEYS

Through the shadows of this valley
I have roamed for countless days.
I have yet to see the sun
that makes the shadows glance this way.
The journey’s long and oh so lonely,
I have traveled many roads
since I left the only home I knew
so I could follow you

This path is winding through my anguish,
crossing fields of sad despair;
I search your hand to guide me
but it doesn’t reach me here.
I’ve been losing all direction,
don’t know wrong or left from right;
all horizons seem so distant
and obscure in shadowed light

Why have you left me here to wander
far from home and family?
At the crossroads of my life you didn’t
seem to hear my plea;
now I’ve lost my way and cannot see
just where I ought to go.
And although I somehow know you’re near,
I cannot find my hope.

But I will carry on my wandering
until I see your light,
for I know you would not leave me here
to flounder in the night.
You have said how much you love me -
I just have to trust in you,
for your love has been my constant strength -
You’ve always helped me through.

So these shadows of this valley
will not last for long, I’m sure
your love will be the candle
that will help me to endure.
Just be near and love me, this I pray,
don’t leave me here alone,
draw me close into your heart
and bring me safely home.


copyright Sharon C. Matthies, Feb 1, 2005

Eagle, I have taken the Myers-Briggs test several times now.

Keep wanting it to change somehow, but, the answer is always the same ISFJ.
Protector Guardian, being of service to others what a blessing!
But....
Guarding against life's pitfalls and perils is a bit overwhelming to say the least.
Are we, mere mortals capable of steadfast protecting & safekeeping of family & friends?
You know I do try guarding those close to my heart from life's perils and pits. (Close doesn't just consist of family & friends, it contains any & everyone who touches my heart).

You have touched my heart, thru your thoughts the sharing of your very soul. Your ripple has reached my corner of the world.
My prayers are with you, for my protector & guardian is the Lord Jesus.

Peace be with you....always.

Brenda

Thanks, so much for sharing.

No, I'm not very out going or talkative. Do others really see my shyness as stiffness, even coldness?

Sharon, Beautiful!!!

Thank you Brenda for sharing. You've obviously studied your type. I did a quick read of ISFJ at http://typelogic.com/isfj.html. Although I don't know you very well yet, I could already recognize you in that description. You're very giving. Your loved ones (family and friends) are the center of your life, and you will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for them...but the chances seem good that they tend to take you for granted and don't often express their appreciation or gratitude...and you need it, but like me, you want that appreciation to come as a free gift, not in response to your asking for it.

I'm no expert and don't want to begin to analyze any one personality type or person here. But I would dare to say that much of what I've shared here in this forum is appropriate for an ISFJ too...and you probably already know all of this, but I'll just summarize it here anyway...

Self-Knowledge: know where your strengths are, but also be aware of your limitations and where you need to set boundaries for that Guardian Protector...you can only stretch yourself so far before you begin to break...you need to find people and situations that will help replenish you with reciprocated care and love.

Truth: know, trust that your presence and giftedness ARE valuable and much needed, and that you ARE deeply loved and appreciated even if they don't tell or show you in the same ways that you so generously show them.

Compassion: treating YOURSELF with the same Compassion you so freely and generously give to others. That's a tough one for other-oriented givers...but you HAVE to put your self on that list of "loved ones you cherish".

You know how profoundly spiritual I am. But sometimes Jesus just doesn't seem enough...we long to be hugged and deeply embraced by a warm human "patch of skin"...but He does companion us through those dark and lonely roads when everyone else appears to have fallen asleep or gone off in other directions. And that's the one person we know we can lean on until we do find that "patch of skin" (***) for that much-needed hug. I've learned that when it's something I REALLY need, it will already be somewhere in my "blanket corner".

**********

PS: (*** - my apologies for the person here who coined that phrase, "a little patch of God's skin". I've been searching for hours trying to find the post and person so I can give proper credit, but I haven't been able to find you. Please feel free to PM me or post here to refresh my memory on this, so I can give you your proper credit)

[ September 23, 2005, 11:14 AM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

A friend bought me the Meyers-Brigg book a bunch of years ago. I don't remember how I scored then (and I guess I could try to find the book...) but I took the short online version and came up with iNTj -- strongly introvert/intuitive. One of the descriptions labels it "mastermind" and says that less than 1% of the population has this personality. That part doesn't surprise me, as I don't see a lot of people out there who are much like me. I recognized myself in much of the description but not all of it.

I never had a problem in being different; if anything, I thought that more people should be like me and it was too bad that they weren't. OK, I'm coming off like a snot now -- I really don't want to be a snot, but it was an honest statement. I'm also the rare introvert who does very well in social situations. When I was 18 I trained myself -- methodically, as everything I do -- to be more outgoing because I decided that was what I wanted to be. People whom I meet now peg me as an extrovert because I'm so fearless and friendly, but as a child I barely spoke to anyone. In truth, I'd rather sit in front of my computer than go out and socialize, and the tests confirm that.

My personality type DOES NOT work well in a subordinate position, which is why I'm self-employed. Barely above the poverty line, but I love what I'm doing.

I found this little gem in this morning's daily devotional. It fits right in with the various discussions here about the unimaginably beautiful ripple effects of even the tiniest flickers of light.


“The Liberian Boy's Choir is but one example that even our smallest sacrifices in obedience to God's call can change the course of our lives forever.

It was a hot day at the orphan village in Liberia. The soaring temperatures were inescapable, but at least outside there was a breeze. The boys playing soccer in the field didn't seem to mind the heat because the constant excitement of the game kept them plenty distracted. The 12 boys inside practicing their choir music found their eyes wandering often over to the soccer field, where the promise of fun and the cheers of their friends tugged at them. Was membership in the boys' choir worth sacrificing their free time playing soccer? In war-torn Liberia, every moment of fun was something to be treasured to each of these orphan boys.

Choir practice paid off down the road as the boy's choir was given the opportunity to tour the United States in an effort to raise money and support for their fellow orphans. Little did they know that their faithfulness to such a small commitment would result in a number of the boys being adopted into U.S. families and given homes. As they opened their mouths and sang from their hearts about the joy of the Lord, God opened the doors of families' hearts all over the southeast to experience it firsthand. Missing soccer to sing of God's love seemed like such a sacrifice to these impoverished boys at the time. But do you think they had any idea that this decision of obedience would one day lead to their biggest dreams coming true? Could they have possibly known that so many other children's futures would have been affected as well? Certainly not!

Like these young boys, so many times we are given the opportunity to do small things and make small sacrifices for results we cannot yet see. We may be asking why God would have us do such a minor task or give up what seems like such a miniscule detail of our day, when all along He sees the pearl inside of the seashell.”

excerpt taken from: "Faithful with a Little" (http://www.crosswalkmail.com/couilah_nrzonbzp.html)
by Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministries(Daily Devotional for Sep 23, 2005)