Meredith, I know you had cancer too. It still pains me that the doctors refer to mastectomy as "amputation of the breast." Isn't there a gentler phrase? LLL

This thread is so interesting. I read and run because I'm afraid I could allow some of these things to become part of my persoanlity. How's that for a fear? I remember debating reading Jeanne and Julie's book because I thought it might give me some ideas. Weird!

My biggest fear is something (as in death...there I said it) happening to Ross or my children. God help me. I pray for their health and safety every day. I also pray for God to give me the strenght to get through this life.

Have any of you tried turning worry into prayer? I do it all the time. If I begin worrying, I change my thoughts and turn it in to a prayer. I LOVE DOING IT! YES, I'M SCREAMING! It is so powerful.

I read a book last year, "Calm My Anxious Heart". My prayer group used it as our summer read. I highly recommend it if you are a faithful person and are seeking a more peaceful existence.

Lynnn, I actually prefer the not-gentle phrases: tell it like it is. I've always been very straight-forward and grounded in reality. You can't face fears until you name them and stare them in the face.

Cancer is Cancer. Mastectomy is breast amputation. Giving them prettier words doesn't change the harshness of what they are.

I should add -- having gone through cancer, there will always be pain. Eleven months of treatment and it will live with me forever. There is always a sense of loss and, for those of us who aren't cured but rather in remission, the fear of metastasis. I deal with it the best I can. Some days I'm OK and sometimes I get depressed.

Mostly I'm OK though. I hope you are too.

Meredith, I love your straght-forwardness. You're an inspiration.

Another fear: something happening to Ross and I when we are away from the kids.

These are little fears. They don't keep me from stepping out. They occasionally creep in and I deal with them.

Worrying used to be my favorite past time. I was brought up in a worriers household, my father was/is a catastrophic thinker.

But when I really spent the time and tried to figure out why I worried, from the moment my son/ daughter/ husband stepped out of the house, I realized it was a control issue. I somehow believed that my worrying about them kept them safe. But if you believe in chi, or a shared energy,( as I do) then that negative worrying can actually have the opposite effect. So now, when I begin to worry, I make myself visualize my son/ husband/daughter perfectly safe and having a good time. Over time, it has changed my tendency towards worry, and better still, it has given me a tool, an action to take when that worry wart comes-a-callin'.

Jeanne

jawjaw,
Kudos for figuring out the "fear of long words" question. Jeanne and I had a VERY LARGE version of this word that we used at one of our book signings - sort of a guess the meaning of the word and win a Paic Diaries t-shirt. We got some very funny responses - one I remember was "fear of gaining weight or being very fat" - probably the prefix "hippo."...

Anyway, I think it's great that people are posting their fears. AT the end of a week, I'll put a post up with all the named fears and although some of the fears will be scary for some people - no one will have every fear on the list. Then there will be a list of fears and each of you can look at that list and see the fears you don't have. That can be very freeing and informative - it shows you that you have the capacity not to fear. In fact, if I asked you to list all the things you're not afraid of - you'd be surprised at how long and endless that list would be (but we'll save that for later). This little exercise of listing fears also helps to show how personal fear is. Yeah, there's things most of us are afraid of, but those are usually linked to survival and our fear is programmed into our biology. But the particular fears that each of us settles on shows us how different fears can be from one person to the next. I'm not talking about fears that can be traced to a known origin - I"m talking about fears that seem to be...just there, and it's interesting to me why one person has this fear and another that. It reminds me of a quote we use to open Chapter Four of our book. The chapter's subject is PTSD and in its early diagnostic years, PTSD was usually only diagnosed in veterans. Here's the quote: "There is a core of anger in the soul of almost every veteran. In one man, it becomes a consuming flame that sears his soul and burns his body. In another, it is barely traceable."

So keep those phobias and fears coming in - the more fears we list, the more fears each of us will be able to point to and say that it is barely traceable.

Warm regards to all,
Julie

Hello Everyone!

Yesterday I hosted my future daughter-in-laws wedding shower. (Her girlfriends and my daughter did most of the work, but it was held at my house...so I had to CLEAN, of course!)

I've been reading all of the different fears listed. I do understand the fear of reading/talking about other people's fears. When I was at my worst I was highly suggestive. I stopped reading any books about panic attacks because they were all so scary! That's one of the reasons we kept The Panic Diaries sort of funny. So people who were somewhat suggestive could still enjoy it.

But what I finally figured out about all of my fears is that they were all rooted in my fear of losing control. Be it boarding an airplane or train, driving across a long bridge, being in the middle of a large crowd with no hope for a quick exit, or my heart stopping and dropping dead, it was really all the same. It was all about my fear of losing control.

Control of my escape (from the airplane,car, crowd), control of my body (vomiting,screaming,commiting a violent act), control of my mind (going crazy), even control of my life (dropping dead from a heart attack).

This was quite a revelation for me. First of all it allowed me to be less suggestive. Because now I understood WHY I was so suggestive. Because now I understood that for every fear that I conquered (flying,driving, elevators) there would be a new fear, until I conquered the real problem...the fear of losing control.

This took time, and the change comes slowly, but it certainly came. I realized I was going through life in sort of a white-knuckle state, afraid of what might happen if I losened my grip at all. But I tried, and slowly I learned to let go. And I learned that I was much stronger than I ever imagined. I discovered that my "safe place" was not my home, or my husband, but a place deep inside of me. Which is great, because it's always with me, keeping me strong.

Jeanne

Julie, thanks for asking. No, haven't been to see the doctor ... but I am doing much better. A lot of that is because of the gals here on this site and your suggestions. Thank you so much.

My husband and I went down to Garmisch last week and had a great time but I discovered a new fear ... tunnels. It's been years since I had to go thru a tunnel and we went thru a hum-dinger of one. In fact, there were emergency exits (probably 4 or 5). Of course, I can't imagine climbing out of a tunnel that's buried beneath a huge mountain. Fortunately, my curiosity overcame my anxiety as I would try to see where these doors led to. I think I could come up with a great "Twilight Zone" kind of story about that.

No galley proofs yet. I'll give my publisher another week and then I'll gently email her to see what's up. She leaves the end of July for Ireland for a month and promised it would be out by then.

Dotsie ... interesting you should bring up about turning worries into prayers. My quiet time this morning focused on scripture about doing just that. (And yes, my quiet time is also helping me tremendously). Since I just helped my sister through a difficult time and introduced her to the book Purpose Driven Life and The Message, I used what I got out of my quiet time to help her. Worry is a tradition in our family. LOL.

My other fears ... fear of small places (obviously) and the fear of losing my grandkids. You know, used to be I could work up a really good anxiety/panic attack by playing, "What if." What if this would happen or that would happen. The thing is, I read somewhere that when we think these worrisome scenarios our body reacts as if those scenarios are really happening (i.e., the heart galloping like a horse, sweaty palms, etc.) -- at least I think I'm right on that. Anyway, when I occasionally slip back into that thinking, I try to remind myself what it's doing to my body. As a stroke survivor and having some heart problems, that's a wake-up call. So, I do what Dotsie recommended ... I start praying my worries.

I have a fear of flying but between my medication, John Denver, and prayer, I've managed to cross the Atlantic 8 times in the last two years. I think someone said they close their eyes ... that works too.

I'm loving this thread. You gals are just awesome.

Hugs and blessings, Francine