Hi Smile, I think arguments and anger is acceptable in relationships. I also think we can conduct those arguments without yelling. I don’t have kids, but I know that our dogs have absorbed the yelling; they think that we are yelling at them, so they cower. When I was a kid, I could not stand to over hear the yelling. Yes, there are ways for couples to disagree without being abusive. I had to learn this myself: how to disagree with my current husband without being abusive, without calling him names, without slamming doors, without threatening divorce. I learned that we can express emotions without it being dangerous. A counseling tool often used in relationships is this: “I feel _____ when you _____. Such as, I feel neglected when you watch too much TV. Using this tool tends to express feelings without attacking the other person. I used to be so angry that my now husband once asked, “Why are you always so hostile?” Until I learned the reasons for my hostility (anger from childhood abuse misdirected at myself and others) I could not be open and honest about what I wanted to express. Yes, I too used to hold onto resentment until it came out in a fury. I did that at work too. For example, instead of saying to my employer “I felt unappreciated when I heard that you called me one of your “Little People” I carried the resentment like a chip on my shoulder until I almost got fired. Well, when I finally told my employer that I had heard her say this about me, she apologized, which was the response I was hoping for. As for my husband, when we argue we are careful not to be abusive, and we often diffuse the argument later when we laugh at the stupid things we said to each other. That is not meant to minimize the points we were trying to get across during the argument. I've also learned that although I am right most of the time, I don't HAVE to be right. Sometimes I let him think he's right until he learns otherwise!

Hi everyone, Jersey Girl had a question on another forum. I'm putting my two cents worth here, because I think others might benefit, if my two cents is worth anything. Jersey wants to tie autographed copies of her book to her site, which shows that the book is available through the publisher (Xlibris) and BN.com & Amazon.com. Well, I happen to prefer to sell and sign autographed copies of my book, shipped from my home office, using my P.O. Box to accept payment. I take cash, checks, money orders, and cashier's check (that was a large order.) I include the cost of shipping, which makes the total order cost less than via the publisher. I like the personal connection to the buyer/reader when I sell direct. Also I can start a data base by using their return address. So, Jersey, I don't think you need a contest to offer autographed copies. Does anyone else have a suggestion for her?

Dian had asked about the editing process. I thought of something else I do when editing: I count the number of times I've used the same word, and if I can use a different word to say the same thing, I'll change it. An early reader said that I used the word "FEAR" so many times in my book that I should title it "Beyond the FEARS." But that did not resonate with me. At some point, I had to stop procrastinating publishing, and put an end to the editing process. I've noticed some typos since publishing, and there are words that are repeated so often I'd like to change them to other words.

Today I did a book signing between services and after the last service at the Unity Church in the Rockies. It was difficult because I know no one (just moved here 2 and a half months ago) and there was no one "rooting" for me. Signings go much better when a reader can say, "I read that book! It's great!" I sold only 3 copies, but that was 3 more than I would have sold had I stayed home. I also sold two pendants "A Drop for TEARS" (see website) People did come up to me to tell me their stories, and to ask advice. My advice is always the same: see a counselor. I had an easel and an erase board. After the first service, my easel said, "April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month and Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Read Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story." Well, I sold 0 copies. Then during the second service, I changed the easel to read: "Be Inspired! Read Beyond the Tears: A True Story of Hope and Healing" and that's when I sold 3 copies. Not that I want to mislead anyone, but people are so afraid of the words abuse and assault. I didn't want them to think that is ALL the book is about.

Unlike our Dianne, I HATE shoes. If I could go barefoot, or in slippers because I am a germ-a-phobe, I would. The most discomforting thing about the signing today was not the talking to people about their stories, but the SHOES I was wearing. These are low, low heeled micro-fiber pumps made by Easy Spirit. I was not even standing for that long but my feet and legs are killing me. Do you know how many pairs of shoes I buy but then don't know they are going to hurt until I wear them? I'd hate to return these. If I can't wear Easy Spirit low heeled pumps, then what can I wear? Last year, I bought a pair of low heeled sandals while visiting in Phoenix. I brought them with me to Pennsylvania. They were such simple sandals, but they hurt my feet. Well, I had to leave them there because I was not going to make it back to Phoenix to return them (since I lived in Missouri) So, you see, this is a national problem. I wore heels to get married in, on a bluff overlooking Lake Tahoe. My feet hurt so bad it nearly ruined my day! Come to think of it, I could have worn hiking boots. Oh, no, guess not. My husband and I like to hike. Before we were married, he bought me a pair of hiking boots from Eddie Bauer. Then we went hiking in the High Sierras. I got blisters and aches, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that even hiking boots hurt my feet. Oh well, I've got to walk the dogs now. I think I'll tough out my hurting feet and take a walk in my 10 year old Nikes. Why so old? Because when they fit and DON'T hurt my feet, I hang on to them.

Ladies, we have a whole two weeks left. What would you like to talk about?

Hi Lynn:

Now that you've written this book, what are you next ideas for writing. You can't stop with just one!

Also - what has been your best and worst marketing ploys?

And - What kind of reaction have you received from your family about the book? (I couldn't find this answer, but think it's here somewhere).

And - What is your next step with the book now that it is published and out there? Speaking? How about a journal to accompany the book for women(and men?) with guided questions on recovery?

Lynn,

Have your counselors read your book?

I think you should research ways to speak at mental health conventions. I bet you'd sell lots of books for therapists to share with their patients.

Dian,

Please look up Sue Silverman online. She wrote "Because I Remember Terror Father I Remember You".She's submitted for my book. She's an awesome writer.

Another person you may want to interview is Angela Shelton. She produced a video about domestic violence that is doing extremely well. I'm sure you can Google them. If not, email me and I'll give you their email addresses.

I think I have Sue's info when she submitted her book for the Boomer Books. I've not heard of Angela Shelton and will look it up.

What I have on tap for October is
*Lynn's, "Beyond the Tears"

*"Women in Shadow and Light: Journeys from Abuse to Healing" by Jan Goff-LaFontaine, offers an intimate glimpse of forty women--ages nineteen to ninety-five--who found the courage to triumph over trauma. Portraits combine with text to portray the essence of each woman's journey from the violence of sexual, psychological and physical abuse to transformation and healing. This is not a clothesline project or "focus on the victims" kind of book. It is about reclaiming joy after one's life has been shattered. It's truly a moving book.

*Candy Johnson, author of the newly released book, Tainted Love: The True Story of Domestic Violence and the Bornhoeft Murder Trial

*Janice Romney Farnsworth, a domestic abuse survivor, women and children’s advocate, and author of the new book, "Beneath Wings of an Angel" is sharing her story of domestic abuse and the faith that helped her survive an abusive marriage. Through the release of her book, which recounts the physical and emotional abuse Farnsworth endured for 15 years from her ex-husband, Farnsworth hopes to reach out to other victims of domestic abuse who cannot feel God’s presence in their lives, and give them the strength to leave their abusive situation.