I also married my best friend, the second time around. This past 21 years have just breezed by.
Can't imagine life without him...what a treasure.

Thanks, TV. My husband is not a bad guy, by any means. But I met him when I wsa 17 and he was the first guy who loved me back. After that, I never planned anything, just let my life happen. I got pregnant and my mom bugged us to get married (she was embarassed)so we did. Now 25 years and 8 kids later, I find myself not in love with him. And we never got the chance to be
best friends. It's sad and I feel guilty for not being able to love him properly, at least right now. He's at least trying to understand and give me some space.
But I am very happy for all of you that are married to your soul mates...

My hubby and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversay (and my parents are celebrating their 50th) next year. I'm hoping to take my husband on an Alaska cruise to celebrate! I married my best friend too--I think that is the best advice to give young people these days on how to make it work! After all, the sizzle goes, but the conversation remains (or not!).

Western Bluebird,

Have you and hubby thought about getting away together, and re-kindle a friendship? Know you have married older children, let them come over and take care of the kids, while you share a couple of days together.

Brenda, we have done that in the past. I don't know if we've ever had a friendship in the traditional sense. I've never really had women friends, either, and he doesn't have men that he hangs out with. We've always done things with each other or our siblings. I'm just starting to make friends that are just mine, but he is not good with relationships, so that's put pressure on me to be everything to him. I was this way years ago, but I've changed. Now he's becoming like the old me and I don't like it. It's hard to be around him. Actually the problem has been too much time with him...he hasn't worked much in the last year. He's been very clingy with me and I can't tolerate it right now. It causes friction that I don't want to be with him.

Thanks for listening.

Bluebird,
I know you have very deep convictions about marriage vows but you seem so miserable on every one of the treads here about your marriage. The vows are love, honor and cherish- they aren't being miserable. Honestly there comes a time to either get out . No one else can do that for you- no one can make it better no matter how they try.
This is your decision and if you choose to stay it's time to quietly accept it.

I know, Pattyann, you're right. I really need some professional counseling for these feelings.
I'm not miserable, just frustrated and sad. I've never had anyone in my life to guide me, including my parents. Never had grandparents, or a sister. I fell in love with him because I needed to be loved but no one ever asked me if I was doing the right thing by marrying him.
I know being pre-menopausal isn't helping. Having all of you listen and advise does help, so thank you.

WE're happy to listen. Even the best of marriages has some bumps in the road along the way. Anyone who doesn't believe that is either luckier than I am or lives in a fantasy world.

Bluebird, My heart aches with you. I wish we lived closer so we could chat over tea. Have you ever been able to get away by yourself for a few days? Is it at all possible to leave the younger children with your husband and take off for a break?

Hubby and I take time away from each other at least once a year...we both need it, but especially me. He usually enjoys the opportunity to go to northern Quebec to visit his family. I stay home and enjoy having the house all to myself...it always does our relationship good to have that space. In our case, absence makes the heart fonder.

That might not be the case for you. But sometimes getting away gives fresh perspective. At least it would give you much-needed breathing space.

Jackie, yep, travel and deb, I am with you girls. I married my high school sweetheart and am still madly in love. He's a winner. I tell my kids all the time that they need to marry their best friend. I also tell them you can't be married and be selfish. I think that's what breaks up so many marriages.

Bluebird, I wish we could go for a long walk and talk. I'd love it. I always want to make things better for others so here's another thought. How about a Marriage Encounter. Do they have them where you live? I understand the communicating that takes place on those weekends is out of this world.

I want you to know that I don't take your comments as griping...just working through your thoughts of the moment...and with perimenopause, those thoughts can change in a moment. I just prayed that your hubby would bless you in some way this week.