Mer,
I've been to marriage counseling. While it did not help save my marriage, it certainly helped clarify things for me so that i could make a decision once and for all. I found the therapy extremely validating...the things that had been bothering me during the marriage came out in the open during counseling and the therapist confirmed that my husband's behavior was indeed abusive. I know it sounds silly, but he had me convinced that i was nuts and that there was nothing wrong with his behavior toward me and our children. When the therapist put her finger on the problem and the husband got up and told her that her analysis of the situation was incorrect, that there was nothing wrong with him and that he had no intention of ever changing because he liked who he was, i finally had to face reality and decide if this was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life.