B.bird,

The post didn't sound like something YOU would say - thanks for clarifying it!

danita

It's funny, Danita, it sounded so right the way I wrote it, but when I went back to read how it could have been misunderstood, I saw how it could have. Lesson learned!

(wiping sweat from brow)..

it's o.k. bluebird, it's o.k.!

d.

Well starting over, my work is in several areas. I am a foster care giver for abused and/or abandened animals until permanent homes can be found which I do for free. I am also an Activity Director of sorts for a nursing home, I make special meals for them on occassion, also a volunteer job. Recently I started a new business doing paperwork for Realtors in my home, that is really beginning to take off but sketchy and not able to pay my living expenses yet....I have done phone sex actress work sincde 1985 when I needed to work from home to be there for my sons. I have always done very well with it and make good money. I began to write and sell my stories of Erotica to several magazines. I also write freelance, poems, flash fiction etc. Phone actress work became a counciling job for me as well. Many of these men are miserable, lonely or just bored, some are selfish and the things they likie they don't feel they can share with their spouseor friends. I am an anonymous voice on the phone and you wouldn't belive what they will confide in me. I have assisted hundreds of these men in how to be more of a husband, what women want and why. Not all of it is sexual conversation believe me. I am not the norm however most of phone sex is a woman talking about sexual things and the man "tickling his fancy" so to speak. I have been interviewed for Jennifer Laurens Solo Bliss's website and have a article there under Work....also appear in Releasing Times Magazine by Julie Gallagher and in a new book coming out in 2006 by Joan Price
called: Better Than I Ever Expected: Talk About Sex After Sixty....Sex is here to stay and interesting to many people. My job's unique and takes a certain kind of talent. I can and have done many things in my long life but this is so easy andthe money is so good that I am spoiled. I have no out of pocket expenses and make a good living. Would I appreciate me if I were some mans wife, hell no! But I don't call them, they call me. I can call in or ot whenever ai choose and can work any part of 24/7. Its great for shut-ins, or people unable to work outside the home for any reason. I could appear on Oprah or Dr. Phil and give both a run for their money conversation wise. I also have written two different relationship advice columns.

I do not carry my work home so to speak, once I call off I forget about it. Read the article on Solo Bliss or in Releasing Times it tells it like it is. I too was a victim of porn with my ex, SLUGGO! But he liked the real thing and young, very very young...sick man! Lets just say I hear the worst side of some of these married loser types and dislike them intently but do like the ability to be able to work at home and make a good living. I've turned it into a game and that works for me. I am an actress and nothing more. In all honesty I would rather make my living with my Mystery writing but that hasn't happened yet. I do answer any and all questions (in private emails) you ladies might have. Hey its free and good advice and in the strictest of confidence...pull up a couch Dr. Love will see you now. LOL

[ October 12, 2005, 09:38 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

What wonderfully honest women there are here. Very interesting and very uplifting to read the posts.

re: "Really, is looking at porn a form of infidelity". I am not sure if I do believe that watching pornography amounts to infidelity. Porn is not physically having sex with another person. But is does take precious time away from a mate.

I do believe that porn can be unhealthy mentally, and will in time damage a loving relationship. I also think that one can become very addicted to porn. Porn is not just looking at women (or men) who are nude. There is lots of sexual action going on, most have a partner or several and are performing sex acts. We must be realistic and understand that men watching these movies are not sitting there with "idle hands". I would certainly hate to find out that any man I was in love with or simply dating would spend time on the computer looking for porn or going to pornographic movies.

A friend once tried to convince me to watch a porno film with him, he said it was an art film. (yeh right! smiling). I said no, but he left it at my house. I was tempted enough to take a look. Not pretty! Lots of noises and groans. Boring!! I feel asleep almost immediately; I awakened much later they were still groaning. At first I could not figure out the sounds. When I did, my first thought was "Oh Lord, what if I had died, this is how my loved ones would have found me." A very sobering thought. I had a long talk with my friend as to the how's and why's of watching such a "stupid" thing and he told that men sometimes *need* more excitement than women. I do not believe that is true. I am sure catching my man watching these movies would make me feel violated and hurt my feelings. A man doing this must know that if found out, his wife will be hurt by his actions, so you have to ask yourself why would he do it? Probably because he thinks he won't get caught. In that way is is most like infidelity.

Vannie(~.~)

And the beat goes on, I guess.

This topic was discussed (among other guy related issues-like strip clubs) this past Tues. Nov. 1, on the Oprah show. Jay Leno and two other celebs (can't remem. their names - journalists, I think) made 'light' of the issue of porn and visiting strip clubs. Anyone else happen to see this show?

The consensus was that ALL guys do it (view porn) even the ones that say they don't . Jay Leno did caution that if a man does it hours on end , then it could present a problem in his relationship with a woman. Basically, these men saw nothing wrong with it - said it is just a visual need ALL men have.

I was somewhat put off (offended?) by the rather flip 'tone' of the whole show. More of a comedy routine than a real look at the issues from the man side. A lot of excuses for what they said is just innocent male behavior. The whole attitude of the show gave validation to the porn habit.

Maybe there have been more in depth objective TV shows etc. prior to my personal discovery - there sure is quite a bit on the internet that covers the issue of porn viewing and it's abuses.

With porn being the leading money maker on the internet - it would seem reasonable to assume that porn does affect many more relationships (adversely) than we (women) are even aware of?

Why am I stuck on this issue of porn?......I just think that it is an ever growing concern in our society (the world , for that matter) that will never go away. And if the media continues to treat this topic in such a dismissive way , women will never be heard by men on what it's (porn) affects are on a relationship.


Maybe Oprah thought her show would help in some way...I certainly can't project her intentions - she is an entertainer, after all, however, I was profoundly disappointed in her comedic approach/portrayal of such topics.

I don't know how she could have Jay Leno on the show and discuss this topic and expect it to not take the comedy path.

FYI
Decided to check out if Oprah had a web page (well, duh, I am naive to think she wouldn't) -' lo and behold '- the discussion board on that particular show is FULL of objection as to how Oprah handled it! Maybe that means she will have a follow - up and discuss these male related topics in a more meaningful manner.

Not allowing comedians/celebrities to be the authorities!!

The web page 'address' is below:

http://boards.oprah.com/WebX?13@@.f0c98e0!DYNID=FEWN3YZBTSPOPLARAZ3RNWQ

[ November 03, 2005, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: Kay5 ]

Kay5, I saw that show too and was disturbed by the "boys will be boys" tone to the discussion. I couldn't discern whether the guys were being flippant because they were embarrassed by their "exposure" or because they truly believed what they were saying. I also couldn't decide if Oprah realized early on that a serious discussion wasn't going to be possible with these three particular guests and so just decided (as if she had a choice?) to go with the flow, as distasteful as it was at times. I too was surprised that she allowed it to go that way.

I was rather disgusted by some of the flippant comments that were being made that effectively squelched any possible objection to the subject. My husband was watching with me and even he was put off by the comedic atmosphere and would have preferred a more mature "real" discussion on the subject matter.

I guess I'm in a minority here, but I don't see anything wrong with porn. My husband hasn't really been satisfying me lately, and I find that the only way I can, y'know... is with a little extra help. Am I the flawed one here?