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Interesting questions, Anno. I would like to go because I know that it is a big day for my husband and as his wife I would like to share it with him. Not from the standpoint of being a mother, but as his wife. However, I am not sure that it would matter to him if I was there. As long as he is there for his daughter is all that would matter. I suppose I should ask him. I do not think that I would be welcome by his children. Their belief is that they have one mother and one father, and no one else is included in the family. They are rather clan like. Even though their parents have been divorced for 24 years, they want no one else in, and constantly do things to bring their parents together. I have two children of my own and had no desire to act in any way as their mother, but my husband does have two seperate lives...one with them and then I get the leftovers. I am on the fence about this wedding and I am generally disappointed about the way things have played out in regarding the family situation. It is like everything is compartmentalized. I think it really detracts from having a deep relationship with my husband.
If you have been invited to the wedding, then at least attend the wedding ceremony. However, it might be wise just to get feedback from your hubby. He also should know how you feel and it be best in a non-accusatory way.
THere is no point being at an occasion where you will be deliberately shunned.
I don't have the same problems. However I will be attending his son's wedding this year. I have already said wryily to my partner,..."and I suppose the bride and groom will seat all the parents and their partners at one table".
His ex is civil but she is not a woman I would normally befriend ...even as just a woman. Our worlds are far apart. And her partner is a pleasant, but pompous guy. I can just see the evening....oh well. I might as well enjoy the spectacle. The bride is an only child (but hardworking young woman)...so you can guess the level detail on the preparations..
Will I be shunned? I will be a guest there. Well, his children are not my children. I have to get real. I get along well with each adult child and we all have meals together, have hours of good conversation, etc. But in the end, I did not raise them, I am just the children's friend. I prefer this particular position in the end.
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