I say go and make the most of it.

I just went back to this thread was happy to see it was still ongoing. the update. Its not better. The step children (a.k.a.paris hilton 1 & 11)are worse than ever and their father is just a wuss. Double standards galore. I got repremanded because we went out to dinner with them and my daughter. They whined because I spent the evening talking to my daughter claiming I ignored them. Same thing happened at a family function. I talked to the cousins not them. Is it me? What is the deal? I told my boyfriend that I am not their friend and that i have been to many occasions with my own kids that I don't talk much to them. I never had to think so much about stuff like this. Its nuts. Since, I have told him that as long as he treats them like they are princess's, his friends, not have the same expections that we have for my kids and put up with the bad behavior, nothing will change between us. I know he is in a tough position. They are now 20 & almost 23, living with their very wealthy mother's influence and checkbook. At this point its not them, its him. Any new ideas?

Bonnie K,
This is the first post I've noticed by you. BMS has bonnierae, bonnierose and now Bonnie K. Love it.
Welcome to greatest site on the net!
Ciao for now,
bonnierose

Hi BonnieK. I want to share something with you and I hope it helps. I am a step mother and I put aside time alone with my step children. One on one. It was our time not to be interrupted by anyone.

It strenghtened our relationship and respect for each other. I think you have to be their friend, after all, they are your boyfriends children. Why not be their friend?

Respect can grow and nurture if you decide that is what you want. A little effort can go a long way. It will feel good to 'get to know them'. I think they will surprise you. One on one, just try it and let us know.

I wish you luck.

thanks for the welcome. I've been around but not for a while. This is a hard one. I have tried in the past to improve the relationship My problem is that they are so spoiled, spending time with them is challenging, not alot of depth. Their lives just revolve around money and People magazine. I leave shaking my head feeling frustrated cause I just want to shake them into reality. But, I'm not their parent. I'm really more frustrated with the boyfriend. He is so guilt ridden (for no reason, he is a great parent) that he lets them get away with acting badly. If he wants to take, I can't stop it, but I don't tolerate with my own kids who are of similar age, why would I tolerate from them?

Bonnie, you had indicated in a post a while back that this boyfriend was not right for you. Do you still feel this way? Also, you indicated that you wanted to leave but for financial reasons, you felt trapped.

I'm only bringing this back up to ask you if you think, deep inside, you could be reacting to these offsprings out of frustrations?

Because I'm not there, and because I don't know you personally, I can only throw this out there for thoughts. I'm certainly not saying you are the cause of bad behavior from them. Rude is rude. And I wouldn't take it for minute. From HIM or the children.

But I'm wondering if you have a "wall" so to speak, built between you and the children???? Just a thought.

And if you still feel he is not right for you, can you leave and start anew?

Bonnie
I was there, a long time ago, spoiled and guilty step children.

Retrospectively, I wonder about these commetns and questions:

They are children. They don't know it, but they are. The world is all about them. Are YOU grown up enough to know that the world is not about YOU? (I wasn't!)

The relationship between me and guy was never enough. I needed to please. Anyone. Are you trying to please him, rather than doing what is right for YOU?

When I was mad at guy, I got mad at his family. They were okay, he was messed up. And I was messed up. And it was easier to blame them, than it was myself, or even him. What are YOU responsible for in this mess?

These are only questions, not accusations. And forgive me if I have overstepped my bounds.

Great thoughts and questions ladies. I hopoe bonnie gets back here soon.

Hi,
I read the comments last nite and just pondered it before I responded. I think its both. I think its mostly the boyfriend. As I have said, he and I are not the best match, but I had decided in the big picture I loved him enough to accept our differences and find a place for our relationship. Well, I guess that concept is not working. I have had alot of turmoil in the last few years, sudden death of my beloved mother, job change, grown kids moving out, my thyroid removed, my ongoing struggle with depression and "mental" pause. He has put up with alot.
In some defense, he is very very difficult to communicate with and when he does want to hear something, he just goes silent. He is one, that if you ignore it long enough it goes away. His grown kids are just an addition. (however, they are still spoiled, hard to like and my own grown kids find them impossible to be with for more than a few minutes)

Sigh...so hear I am. Can I just run away, like the girl in Eat, Pray, Love (that's another board!)

p.s. I called my therapist today, haven't figured out how I'm going to pay for it though