Answering my own post here....

I suppose my motives have been selfish. I should not have expected anyone (unless they walk in my shoes) to understand why I did what I did.

And, unless someone like DSD was a good receiver, it's difficult for her to understand why she's getting bombarded with gifts. When,in fact, it is really for me to help me! Like, "Ok,Di. Acknowledging a pregnancy and a subsequent newborn in your presence can't be all THAT bad". See what has gone thru my brain?

Tell me I'm not crazy!

Some people just have trouble "receiving"...
whether it is a gift or love or a compliment. Maybe she feels she would be obligated to give back or maybe she feels uncomrtable writing thank you cards.

Di, have you tried writing it all out? Write TWO letters; in the first one, pour it all out into words, let your pen put your heart to paper. Then keep that one (don't rip it up or send it...keep it for yourself)...and write a second one to your DSD, using the best of what you found out while writing your first letter...and send that second letter to your DSD. Be sure the letter is NO way accusatory (not that it would be, but sometimes when our wounds leak, they come out looking a little ambiguous to others), but a heartfelt, caring explanation of where you're coming from, your hopes and fears and joys and tears about this pregnancy, which is a wonderful blessing but one that has a personal impact on you.

One of the problems with not explaining your background and feelings in any situation regarding loved ones (and DSD would regard you as a loved one) is that they tend to fill in the unexplained gaps with their own stories or reasons, usually to their own detriment. These unknown "stories" are often what end up separating families, not the real issues.

Be honest, tell her your painful truth, then she will be able to deal with the truth only, and let you own your pain and not be so bewildered by her own inaccurate reasons for the "whys" of any of these family situations...and with the child on the way, this is only the beginning, so you might as well deal with it NOW and avoid lots of future dilemmas at the same time.

[ December 15, 2005, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

I'm writing to her now. I have got to straiten this all out!

thanks!

Di, I believe you are receiving some excellent advice here. I agree with Chatty that this will all work out. In between the lines, I see that both you and your DSD are very decent and kind women.....with both of you making a heartfelt effort to make the best of the situation.

You will love being a grandma! Clayton is visiting me this weekend and I'm taking him to an aquarium. After he wears me out, I send him home....lol!

Daisygirl

since you all are writers, would someone be kind enough to read my letter? I'll PM it to you.

PS. I did not send it yet.

[ December 15, 2005, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: Di ]

I PM'd you Di. Hope that helps. I'll be keeping you in prayers.

BTW, I think that everything changes once the baby arrives and the parents realize how NEEDY babies are. I think that grandparents who enjoy giving become much more appreciated as the new parents begin to see how much babies NEED! Especially as they grow older and want the cool stuff.

I never had children and could never have imagined myself "wasting" precious Sunday afternoons at a McDonald's Playland...but when a 5 year old granddaughter wants it and retired grandparents have the time to give, a McDonald's Playland becomes the perfect place to be on a Sunday afternoon!

I never thought I would be caught dead there and yet took my grandson every Saturday for many months, we tried a different one each week between his side of town and mine and he loved those big basket thingies filled with colored balls inside. Oh and the tubes the kids crawl through. I got to know many of the people there and have to admit they were very friendly and equally crazy about their little rascals....

One time my grandson got stuck in one, got scared and started crying. My DIL had to crawl in after him - hehe - I'm sure it happens all the time. I wish there was a place like that to take dogs in the winter - mine are going stir crazy!

Daisygirl