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#71136 - 08/16/05 08:05 PM
Re: Hi.I am new.
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Member
Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 35
Loc: UK
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What about her dinners. Do I do them. I have to cook for my own and husband when hes at work. I am trying to detatch from her. As for not picking up after her, I dont want him coming home from work and seeing the house in a mess. I'd feel it was a petty thing to do. At the end of the day it does sound daft me saying sorry I didnt tidy that up thats her mess.Sounds a bit childish
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#71139 - 08/17/05 05:23 PM
Re: Hi.I am new.
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Member
Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 35
Loc: UK
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Thanks for that. But knowing my stepdaughter she wouldnt find it remotly funny. In fact I know it would make her worse. Shes not at all happy with her daddy today, he woke her early, and she was tired. Ya know why. Cos she had me up till gone 3.30am stomping around her room, going in and out making so much noise. How I have got through today at work I will never know. What with only having 2 1/2 hrs sleep.
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#71140 - 08/17/05 07:37 PM
Re: Hi.I am new.
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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The point is not for Her to find it funny. The point is for You to find it funny. It will help you put the situation in perspective and give you time to come up with an appropriate response.
I don't mean to trivialize the problem, but from the outside looking in, it is humorous. Imagine a woman considering leaving a man she loves and has waited nine years to marry all because a child of thirteen doesn't pick up her clothes, refuses to move from the stairs, and plays loud music.
It could be so much worse and the problem is, it probably will get worse. At thirteen, she has a lot of growing up to do. Wait til she gets a car. Oh my gosh that's a whole new scenario. Then there's the boyfriends and the girlfriends and the bad friends and the terrible music and the possibility of drinking or using drugs. All that is to look forward to. And after that, you have an eight year old to go through all that with. Oh my gosh, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
I know she is hurting you, but really the things she is doing don't sound terrible for a thirteen year old. And at this point of her development, a degree of jealousy of her father's mate is probably a normal resolution of the Electra complex. Add to that the stress of adjusting to a new lifestyle and the combination of raging hormones in two females and you have an explosive situation.
To let her even think she has the power to end the marriage would be disastrous for her and for you. It doesn't sound as if she is doing drugs or breaking the law which reminds me of another of my daughter's famous sayings. To just about any complaint during her teen years, she would answer, "Well Mom, at least I'm not out doing drugs and robbing Seven Elevens."
Actually that put things in perspective and I use it myself now. When she complains that I am doing too much or something, I just say, "Well Becky, I could be out doing drugs or robbing Seven Elevens." We laugh, she shuts up, and I have time to consider what she has said.
Just trying to help. smile
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#71142 - 08/17/05 08:33 PM
Re: Hi.I am new.
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Member
Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 35
Loc: UK
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its not just the things you mentioned I.E the picking up of clothes not moving on the stairs. Its her attitute towards me and every one around her. I have talked to a freind about this, and she said make a joke of it. She'll look silly not you, cos yr getting on with your life. It hasnt just been the past few months like this. It has been 9 YEARS. And I think its time the girl realised where the respect should be given. And where she should draw the line. It doesnt hurt for a little help everyday. I dont want her cleaning the whole house. I just want her to show respect for her surroundings.
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