I know we all have very busy lives. But it hit me last night, all of my friends have scattered and there isn't one person these days I can call and say "hey, let's get dinner, or go to a movie." One got married, so now she can't even talk on the phone because it might take attention away from her hunny. Another is tied up with family commitments. Another has a new boyfriend and has gone bonkers. Of course, when relationships end, they all want to hang around and do things, but it seems like they can't maintain multiple relationships at once.

Last night, talking on the phone to the man I date, he told me that he didn't think that any of them cared anything about me. He backpedaled a little when I told him that made me feel alot better. I do agree with him to a point though. I was awake a long time last night "reliving" the past few years. I'm always "the giver", always going out of my way for people. Most of the time that doesn't seem like a two way street.

Anyway, all this to say, I know that the only thing constant in life is change. So it's time for me to move on and find some new friends, nurture some new relationships.

Easier said than done. Any suggestions?

Whirlwind

JOIN THE CLUB Whirlwind, I thought you were describing me and my so called "friends!" I even tried the new friends routine and wound up with new friends and old friends taking advantage every chance they got and yet never being there for me. Personllay, I give up! From the day I became an adult I have been the giver, the visitor, the doer for everybody in my life, now I reep the rewards, the fact that it is expected of me now. There is a saying, that we are treated the way we allow people to treat us and in my case it's apparently true.

Oh Chatty and Whirlwind, I wish you were next door. I'd bring you a cup of tea (or a drink!) and visit -

You guys have all of US!!! But I guess that's not the same as having friends to do things with.

Our neighbor lost her husband unexpectedly last fall, and since then, she hasn't heard from hardly any of her married friends. We include her and her daughter any chance we get - she's still fun to be around even though she's not a couple anymore. Why don't people see that?

Hang in there guys - we're here for you!!
Kathy

I'm the same.
I have a couple of sisters I see reasonably regularly for lunch, about every month or so.

I have a friend from high school, I have known for 35 years who lives 5 hrs away so we talk every week on the phone for 2/3 hours.

A couple of other not so close friends I see once in awhile, apart from that I spend most of my time on my own.

Have to say, I do tend to like it that way though. I have lead the sort of life that has made me self reliant and I totally enjoy my own company and get a bit frustrated if I feel my private time being encrouched upon.

That being said, I have a joke with my long time school friend that when I die, I will only fill the front pew at my funeral

...but at least they will be all people who really cared!!

[ May 17, 2006, 09:04 AM: Message edited by: Izzy ]

Whirlwind, I'm rather glad you broached this subject. Although by different circumstances, I'm a loner (due to social engineering) and am slowly learning to embrace. I've learned that when I do try to become a social butterfly I am out of my territory, yet am acknowledging the time I have w/ myself. I have very few friends and am not close w/ my family even though we live but a few miles apart. Lately, my new friend is a mare I'm leasing for the summer . . . and my movie buddies are my cat and dog! Together, we've decided we need a larger sofa! As far as social contact, I attend Church a couple times a month and night school for masters program. I entertain myself with the animals, reading, gardening, shopping and enjoy garden centers/antique shopping and seem to strike up a conversation in those types of environments.

Like Rick and June, wish we were nearer for a cup of tea and desert, too!

I find myself at home alone on a Sat. night. I called all my friends and they are all involved with their grand children or something else. I am single and have been for almost 12 years. I seem to be in a phase where old friends are too busy because they are married or caring for elderly parents, whatever the reason, I feel very alone. I am a teacher and have the summer off but am finding that few other people have the time to just go to a movie or eat out. I don't go to church and don't want to just to make new friends but I"m wondering how else do I meet anyone?

Busy lives. I could never understand how one can be too busy to spend a few minutes with friends. Imagine if God were to say: "Can't spare you a moment now as I am quite tied up, busy with Iraq and other things you know, hope you understand." So, with that in mind and spirit, I have always been available to friends. In the past, I expected all of my friends to be of the same thought and practice but discovered painfully that some people are not. Life is far too short to wait for these sort of friends to cross over and deliver. So, like in the Bible, I dust my sandals and move on. At the same time, I always leave the door open should those who are "too busy" suddenly find the time or the need to visit and renew friendships. And when it happens, and it has happened, I always pray to be blessed with the grace to not bear grudges and be able to give over. In-between the lull, one will always make new acquaintances and hopefully friendships blossom from these. So, sometimes "cracked" friendships can be a blessing. I treasure the friendships I have that have stood time and changes in one's life, give second chances to those that were waylaid and nurture the new ones I make. Some of the latter may be here.

I don't consider women who drop you when the latest man has entered their lives, true friends. But then, if a woman has married and doesn't want to talk on the phone when her hubby is home, I can understand that because there is another person involved and why should he sit there alone while she visits? It puts pressure on her, which isn't fair.

As we grow, our needs change. I have friends that I've let slip away because we no longer had anything in common. If a friendship becomes a burden, what use is it?

I've met lovely women in shops and we visit and discover we have a lot in common and will keep talking and suggest we get together for coffee sometime. It's a great way to make new friends.

Having just moved, I haven't ventured out to meet new women. I think I need personal time to reflect and be alone, which is just another stage of growth and I'm enjoying it for now.

I have several friends from my past who have popped back into my life. Most of them are married but I do see them on a regular basis. They make an effort to spend time with me - I am blessed by them. However, I spend most Saturday nights alone, except when my DGS visits me, because they are not available. I guess that's a part of being single at this stage of life, the 50 is the new 30 age.

My gripe is with friends and family who don't have time to answer a personal email (even just to say I'm too busy to write much now) but they always seem to have time to send forwards! When I get only forwards from people like that, I don't even read them. If I get one from someone who also keeps in touch and acknowledges my emails and pics, I always take the time to read their forwards.
It's not that I don't understand busy...I'm raising 8 kids, working full time and running my husband's business, but when someone takes the time to keep in touch, I make the time!