Lo and behold....after two months this topic resurfaces!
I have a question or two for joanna23 - how old are you? How old is your husband? How long have you been married? If you are replacing the intimacy of your relationship with porn.....then yes - I think you have an issue. Communication is the key. I hope you have addressed your needs with your husband - and are not replacing your sexual practices/desires with the hidden addiction of porn. Stop now and talk to your spouse before this becomes a habit that drives a wedge into your marriage.

There is no commitment or intimacy with porn. It's lacking what a true and real partner can give you.

Well said Kay5!

Where I was once not so sure porn is a form of infidelity I am convinced of it now.

My very close friend called two weeks ago frantic and near tears as she recounted seeing "teen" websites listed on her husband's computer screen. She went ballistic because he's been "lame" in the bedroom and acts as if he's accomodating her. He's even refused her offers to pleasure him. She finds this an abnomral response on his part and I agree with her. He's acting contrite and saying he's sorry, he loves her etc., etc. We both agree he's just sorry he got caught. She says that when he stays away from this trash he's normal again but she no longer trusts his word that he's going to stay away from it. She asked me, "how do I compete with that?" She means the young, beautiful bodies he's looking at. I said, "you don't." This has been going on for ten years with them. I think she stays for the sake of their almost ten year old daughter. Since she has a well-paying job and actually is the main bread winner I told her she might start considering looking around at condos in the area. She supported this lazy man when he was laid off from a job.

They're going on a "romantic" getaway in which she said might be the deciding factor on what to do next. She admits she no longer finds him sexually attractive simply because of his penchant for viewing porn and how this is seriously affecting their marriage.

Ladies, to best understand this whole proliferation of what we call porn, we have to look at what's happened in our society, over the last twenty, twenty-five years, as to sex in general. For at least that many years, there's been a gradual shift in how society views sex.

No longer is sex seen expressly as a part of a loving, committed relationship. It has been divorced from this ideal, for quite some time. Sex has been set aside, placed in a separate category. For many, it is now viewed as merely a casual, recreational sport, completely separated from any emotional attachments whatsoever, and totally devoid of any committment. Even the ever-present threat of HIV hasn't stemmed this tide. I would be willing to bet, that at least one person on this board, has heard of someone making the statement, 'It's no big deal...it's just sex'.

There is today, a cavalier attitude toward an activity that once stood paramount as the supreme form of intimacy. Talk to a few people in their twenties, thirties, today, and see what their views are, concerning sex. You may have to go outside your sphere of personal acquaintances, to garner true responses. We generally associate with people who share our own views, our own set of values, and may need to ask outside our limited experience, to gain a more objective view.

This casul attitude concerning sex has firmly taken root in societal thinking. With the advent of the internet, this rationale has achieved furtherance, in that sexually explicit sites may be as easily accessed as any others. A veritable smorgasbord of titilating 'sex is just for fun' venues. For some, this has been just too much of a temptation to live out fantasies they otherwise may have not considered, with complete strangers. Indulging in cyber sex may become more satisfying for a person, than sharing real physical intimacy with their life partners. Considering the major sex organ of the human being is really the brain, it's possible the real partner does in no way live up to what the cyber-lover is, for the porn-viewing partner.

As well, porn sites, sex chat rooms, etcetera, have served as what some prefer thinking of as 'safe-sex', harmless pastimes. These allow a person to anonymously enjoy the 'sex-recreation' without the threat of disease, and offers a way of effectively being able to revel in the sport of sex, while at the same time, distancing one's self from any real feelings of irresponsibility of action. 'It is not real, therefore, it can't be of any consequence. It is harmless'.

And let's face it, once this attitude was in place, it wasn't long before seamier, darker, nastier, if you will, sites began proliferating at a rapid pace. More deviant, more salacious, more 'taboo sex' has come full to the forefront of the porn world. Not surprising, really. A person wallowing in the sport of sex, a frequent viewer of, or participant in, cyber sex, or avid fan of what we call porn, can become in need of much more stimulation, to be able to satisfy urges. Much as a drug addict finds he needs larger and larger doses of his preferred drug, to achieve the longed-for high.

http://www.intouchwithejeannine.com

Jeannine, You've said a mouthful and every word is correct in my estimation. Porn for the single person is a form of escape and satisfaction they might not ordinarily have BUT when it becomes a one sided issue in a marriage that takes away from that union it is an abomination, sick, like a rabid animal that should be destroyed...Now if a married couples union is a bit boring and they partake of porn together it can be helpful and fun for them as a couple. But alas all to often it is one-sided and takes away from the marriage bed. It drives a wedge consisting of sorrow, and a feeling of worthlessness in a woman whose husband deserts her emotionally and sometimes psychically to spend time with his 'fantasy partners.' Oh and you know what I do and the men I speak to, ALL OF THEM say convincingly, "its not really sex so whats the harm??" What in deed.

[ January 13, 2006, 07:02 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

One thing people seem to forget is that sex was made for procreation. The reason it is pleasurable is so that people will procreate.
When you separate the act from the end result (possible new human)it gets perverted.
I think porn is so disgusting, there is nothing sexy about it in my eyes. Real love, in private, is as sexy as you can get.

ChattyLady, as you probably well know, it isn't just the male of the species falling prey to pornograpy, and the lure of cyber-sex. There are a great many women who also are deserting their real life partners, for what they feel are more gratifying sexual forays, either real, or cyber.

Bluebird, there's no denying the truth of your statements. Yet, in today's society, there is the fact that procreation has been effectively controlled. Birth control, of which my husband and I made use of ourselves, has freed, and enabled, human beings the luxury of the enjoyment of sex, for the sake of sex itself. Sexual intimacy, between two people who genuinely love and cherish one another, is an extraordinary experience. One that has been made less-than, as to its special significance, by the prevailing attitude of today's sex-saturated society.

http://www.intouchwithjeannine.com

I suppose thats true Jeannine but if it were not for the MEN going into the porn shops, viewing the sites on the web, calling the thousand phone sex numbers those companies would go bankrupt and I speak from years of knowledge of the industry itself. Women rarely frequent these sex shops except for the milder ones selling sexy clothes etc. then nusually its a group of giggling women out for a risque time together. Men take their visits to these stores very seriously. Women never call the phone sex numbers and I mean never except for a few lesbians or curious young women having these feelings for other women and not understanding them. This porn stuff is basically a man made business, for men. There are no whore houses for women to go to, just brothels for men to frequent...They should spell porn, MEN...

[ January 13, 2006, 08:23 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

The problem with this internet trash is that unlike the old days where a guy had to go out to the adult book store or wherever else had it he can now effortlessly push a key and there it is.

He doesn't have to exert himself to go anywhere or spend any money. I've heard this trash is all out there for free. The husband I mentioned told his wife,"but I didn't log in." She said she told him from what she could see it was right there and no need to even log in or register.

Where do you suppose this will all end? What is the future for the porn industry?

I believe there are a lot of people out there fearful of true intimacy and why, I don't know. Chatty, any ideas?