beachlady,

You need to look for the HISTORY on the computer. HISTORY can even be listed under GO on some computers. OR - if a web page has been left on the screen you can use the back button < to see previous sites listed. That is how I first discovered -by accident- that he was viewing porn on the computer.

My husband had 'turned off' the HISTORY on his computer - and I just happened to' turn it back on'....that's how I found out about the second go 'round, that he had NOT stopped visting the porn sites.

But going into settings to change the HISTORY might be a bit trickier until you become a little more computer saavy!! And you will learn, I am certain, don't be afraid...!

I hope things can work out for you and your marriage. Good luck.

Oh be still my heart (and my mouth) geesh. And the moon is made of blue cheese or better yet I have some swamp land in Florida for sale cheap!!

When you get to know me better and the way I think, my ramblings will be obvious to you. In the meantime please feel free to interpret them anyway you would like to....

[ October 08, 2005, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Booze, Drugs and Porn are all so very addictive and such an insult to a spouse who's husband is drinking, drugging or watching that filth instead of spending quality time with her. It is true that we shouldn't be like sheep and follow the all mighty TV personality just because they say its true, doesn't make it so. Watching porn is not healthy yet if both partners like it and see it together as an enhancement to their relationship, great. Its one of those subjects Ladybug people will never agree on. It can be a hurtful thing to any marriage not because TV show hosts say so but because it just can and all too often it is...so sad too!

I feel exactly the same way you do Ladybug. No one can or will ever agree on everything. I have just read here and seen so much misery resulting from porn elsewhere that it saddens me. I too wish it would go away but as you say getting rid of it is easier said than done. Now there are probably men who can watch it and just walk away unscathed but they are not the norm. Most of the men I deal with (thousands) are also into watching porn one way or another. I have asked them (and myself) many times, "what are they looking for and why?" Needless to say no one seems to know and simply stutter alot unable to answer intelligently. I think the most popular answer I receive is, "ahh hell, why not, it don't hurt nutin?" Spoken more eliquently at times but means the same thing, thy don't know.
Oh and thanks for the info on old Dr. Phil, hadn't heard that before....

[ October 08, 2005, 06:30 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

it doesn't matter whether or not porn is or isn't infidelity...all that matters is the event of one person not liking it when their significant other indulges...
many a porn-viewer will tell you it's just for fun, means nothing, etc -- as such it should be easy enough to forego in the greater interest of maintaining respect and trust with one's other half...
most of us have given up relatively insignificant habits and indulgences for the greater good of our relationships...porn-viewing, for some, falls in the same category as flirting and/or staring at others...
there is no right or wrong, only preferences...

those who think porn is fine no doubt have preferences of their own that those who don't like porn might find petty and reflective of an insecurity...

this could well be question #3,095 for the dating questionnaire: i don't like porn at all...if you currently view it, will you stop for me?

It's makes me sad to say that porn has infiltrated our lives via tv, books, magazines, music, and music videos, it's all over the internet. I'm shocked at what I see in advertisments alone!

I would not be interested in a man who viewed pornography or purchased girly magazines or anything like that. I'll probably be single a long time, won't I?

Daisyggirl

Amen Daisygirl... there are enough child molestors out there as it is...a very good point you've made too. There doesn't seem to be any line drawn for censorship in ads. I cringe sometimes when I see the commericals showing models with practically nothing on... if they are doing that NOW, what will commercials be like say in five years? ten?

The cheap thrills men get from girly magazines leads to wanting more, and more... what's next for them? porn? children? I detest it.

To me, and I bet Chatty will agree with me here, porn is like a drug. They may start out with wacky weed, but pretty soon, they need something better... a bigger thrill... so they move on to what? I don't even know what's next, but you get my point. One cheap thrill leads to another.

JJ

I have a real problem with this type of thing. I have been on my own for 10 years but would not like it if my husband looked at porn on a regular basis. I think some men just look out of curiousity but to others it becomes a drug. My parents are 79 and 80. They have been married for 53 years. My mom is a control freak and always has been. My Dad has let her get away with it...until now. He is in a wheel chair with only one leg and doesn't get out much. So... I gave him a computer last year. He didn't use it much and my Mom loved sending emails. She tried to get my Dad interested in using the computer too but he just ignored it. Until a friend got him to look at some porn. Now he spends hours looking at it. My Mom is horrified. They have not had a sex life since they were in their fourties. I don't like them talking to me about this type of thing but they seem to need to. My Mom tells me that it's my Dad's fault, that he lost interest, and he tells me the exact opposite story. Anyway she is confiding in me and asking me what she should do. She wants to cut off the Internet. I find it all very uncomforable and wish they would talk to someone else about it but my Mom likes to keep up appearances and act like they have a perfect marriage. I think my Dad has found something to get back at her as he says he has finally had it with the control issue. She sneaks up on him when he is watching TV to see what he is watching, it's really pathetic. She is at him constantly...what are you doing in the fridge, what are you watching on TV, who was that on the phone etc. She refuses to associate with his friends and wants to control him like a little kid. She dislikes anyone he likes, won't let them come to the house etc. She puts out his clothes, cuts his hair. It drives me crazy because she is always complaining about him to me and I feel really caught in the middle.
Any suggestions as to how I can handle this porn thing. I told her that she can't cut of the Internet as he would just get it back on and that she can't really take away his rights as he is not a kid. I cut it off at my house because my eldest son was always on the porn sites so she thinks that she can do that to my Dad. On one hand I can understand as he is home alone all day and can't go anywhere and is bored, probably sexually frustrated to boot, but it also bugs me that he is looking at porn. So now she is doing the no talking routine which she always does when she is mad at him, which is often. She is so disgusted with him that it makes her sick and says she has lost all respect for him. I can also understand her point of view to. I just tell her to go out, be with friends and get a life as they don't really do anything together anyway.
I just wondered what others thought about this.
Kate

Katebcca,

If you don't want to be included in your parents ongoing battle, you have a right to tell them so. It will cause some friction between you at first, but it may make them both work some sort of truce if they don't have you to complain to.

I had to set some boundaries with my mother. She would complain to me about my siblings and for a long time I listened but I learned how to not take on her problems.

Daisygirl