oh ....... okay .......

this might not be the right place to say this, but, in about 2 minutes i am disconnecting my computer and putting it away in various places upstairs, i need to go on a mental retreat ... and plant some sweetpeas ... would just like to say thank you everyone, for your friendships and interesting words ....

[ February 21, 2006, 08:20 PM: Message edited by: norma ]

Ugh -- I'm afraid I wasn't too far off with my "can of worms" reference and it really wasn't my intention to upset anyone.

Chatty, you're right in that men cheating, looking at porn, calling 1-900 phone lines and so on is not always the women's fault. There are men out there who get off on the fact that they can sneak around on their wives and loved ones and not get caught. And there are women who accept it. I'm still reeling from my friend's cheerful acceptance of her "open marriage."

But I want to be real careful here to avoid the "all men are scum" label. I think if a typically faithful guy suddenly feels he needs a different outlet than his wife to gain sexual fulfillment, there are issues that need to be addressed in the entire relationship. Maybe she's unavailable both physically or emotionally. Maybe, as suziq suggests, she's expecting to much from him and he's starting to resent it.

This doesn't excuse the behavior, not by a long shot. I'm right now on the "hurting" end of a spouse who has used porn to avoid issues. This is not something that can be addressed simply by shutting off the computer, disonnecting the phone and making a lot of accusations. This it the time during which BOTH parties really need to sit down and discuss it, calmly and rationally.

Again, I'm not talking about the guys who regularly sneak around on their spouses or loved ones to strip clubs simply because they hate monogomy or are convinced that they can have their cake and eat it, too. These guys ARE scum and no woman with any self-respect, in my opinion, should tie herself to one.

Now -- I like Norma's idea of planting sweet peas and going on a mental retreat. Here in Texas, it is almost sweetpea-planting season . . .

I agree 100% with the facts stated above by WordSmith, AMEN to that and wouldn't this world be wonderful if marriage was really a commitment by both parties to actually Love, Honor and Nurture?(I dislike that word Obey.)

[ February 21, 2006, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Yet another to leave....???
What is all of this about??
The real bottom line...?

Will the real "puppetier"...please stand up???
How many more do we feel... need to leave?

That makes 3... I've counted today.

Does anyone have the answers to these questions?
I've been ignored before...but, if someone could answer, peace will find me.
Turmoil, is not a good feeling for me...too much of that in my childhood years. I rather hear the truth and have it all out in the open...whatever it may be.
Once you identify the problem, only then can a solution be reached.

[ February 22, 2006, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: yepthatsme2 ]

There is no "puppeteer" only women who are speaking out on their own, which they should themselves come forward and say.

To accuse anyone of such a falsehood is very sad. I can only hope that the women who have come out with their own opinions will now state that as fact. They were not told by anyone to say anything against any of the good women here.

Has it not occured to anyone here that many things have been taken offensively and these women are now speaking up???? Does anyone hold themselves so highly to think their words are not offensive?? I had to ask Dotsie to delete a toxic post last week that contained lies about me after which I corrected that person who offended me.

Think people, before you accuse anyone of being a puppeteer. There is no puppeteer, only the words of women who have been offended.

Thank-you, for stepping forward...ladybug.
Anyone else???
This is how you heal...by speaking up, sharing and releasing.
Let all wrap our hearts around each other and love one another...life's to short.
I Love You..all.

I must have missed something. By the way, this time it wasn't me...LOL What did happen? Please, please, don't leave anyone. To me everyone has a valuable opinion and belief system on this site.

I have to ask myself sometimes, "if I feel offense, why? What is the reason? Am I feeling anger because someone didn't agree with me? Am I feeling misunderstood or under attack?

Meeting at the table, so to speak, is the best remedy and getting whatever it was out in the open and resolving it, even apologizing (as I know all too well )

And giving that friend who has listened and offered their unspoken pledge to respect your unique human dignity as a woman and a cyber friend, the unconditional love that we all seem to expect from our mate. It seems ludicrous to expect that type of acceptance but not the grace to give it to the sisters here.

You are ALL special and wonderful women and a treasure to this website and I'm sure Dotsie would agree with me that no one should be excluded.

I think this is a very emotional topic and emotional responses are probably to be expected.

There is no easy answer to the issue of spouses cheating on one another, whether that "cheating" involves going on the computer to view porn, dialing a number and breathing heavily into the phone or or the "physical" act of adultery.

Everyone has an opinion on it, and let's face it, people are hurt by the betrayal of trust when such a thing happens to them, as "innocuous" as the act may seem. The comment of "at least when I'm looking at it on the Internet, I'm not out DOING it with another woman" does nothing for a women's self-esteem or trust in her mate when it's her spouse who is uttering those words.

When people get hurt, they get emotional. When they get emotional, it's easy to lash out, especially in print, at something or someone else.

This doesn't excuse the behavior, nor does it downplay the pain the "lashee" might experience, but it explains it.

Thanks, Number5, and the rest of you, for putting it into perspective.

Ladybug...I look forward to more of your posts.
You always have something new and interesting to share.

Why the pot shots girls? Let's knock it off. These forums are here to encourage, connect and support women.