I must say thank you, Chatty Lady. We agree without any compromise needed..(Hey, wouldn't ya' just love to send this guy to Dr. Phil???) I don't ALWAYS agree with Dr. Phil, but more often than not, I can't find too many ways to disagree..He can be a little annoying at times, but then, so can I!!

#5 - if it sounded like I was saying that you are not a good grandma, I apologize. I know you are doing the very best you can for her...I was really trying to say what Casey said so much better...May I suggest you read her words again and again? She is so right on! She really is a "wise woman shining" and I want you to feel that way too - and Aaliyah. And may I add - many people feel they should take the Bible literally (and don't forget if you didn't already know, I was one of them at one time) but don't realize that literal means WHAT? Literal by today's standards or meaning? Or literal by what the words meant when written? Or in which language? And by which interpreter - example: Mark, Luke, John, or the newly found "lost" papyrus of Judas? I am not trying to tell you what to believe, but I am trying to tell you what Casey has just said - there are many meanings to the word LOVE, and romantic love is only one. In my estimation, the smaller meaning at that....well, maybe not altogether true, but if I had my "druthers" I'd choose the meaning that refers to the love of all mortals (I've long forgotten what that word is - used to know!)but you get my meaning...

And as Casey also has implied, every word you say, every fearful look on your face, every action you do, is imprinted on your little granddaughter's soul- the very WHO of what she is and will be rests on this very important decision of yours....

Respectfully,
Searcher

The, 'God loves him so I must too' and 'there will be a miracle' thinking is so common among repeatedly abused women. I beleive it is even more common among addictive personalities in abusive situations.

I think you mentioned being an alcoholic at one point. If so, perhaps an AA group would be helpful to you. They could help you decide what actiom to take.

It seems that you need to do something farily quickly. If not, he may take the action and you could be on the street with a 3 yr. old. You have such a great responsibility and it doesn't sound as if you can trust his promises to you or your granddaughter.

Of course I am not there and can't know the whole story. I'm sure you are in prayer and with the help of God, you can make a wise decision for yourself and your grand child.

smile

Just one other thing that might make my point more understandable : if Aaliyah were to treat her friends horribly, would you not admonish her and tell her that she MUST treat them with respect? I think you would love her, but not allow her to treat others with disrespect - and you must not allow Warren, is it?, to treat you with disrespect, it simply is NOT ALLOWED..And that, in my view, is to give Harietta (God) the most respect ever - She did not create anyone to be a whipping post, but to give glory to Her creation...(if you find it difficult that I call God , Harietta, just consider that I really feel God is genderless, it's just a way that I feel I can give thought to this). And does Harietta allow anyone to disrespect HER? Not in your wildest dreams...

Me again, and now, I'll hush....
Search

Ok, I'll almost hush. RIght on, Smile!

You are all right. But, no, I'm not an alcoholic. For a period of time I drank to wash away the pain, but I realized what I was doing and just quit. I haven't had a drink in three weeks and I don't miss it at all. I make a big pitcher of iced tea and drink that and have a lot more energy.

Being married to Warren is like owning a pitbull dog. They are beautiful and "friendly" but potentially dangerous. You can never fully trust a pitbull and while many owners say its all in the way they are raised, you never know when one is going to turn on you. Don't for a minute think I trust him or will ever be duped again, I'm just biding my time until I can escape but escape wisely.

I'm a survivor and have learned great survival skills. I won't let him disrespect me anymore. I put him in his place immediately when its something I can control. The disrespect he shows by going to the bar every night is out of my control.

I'm using his health ins to get dental and eyecare finished and things like that.

As of last week, I decided there is one person in this world who needs my complete focus and that is me because if I primarily take care of my needs and my future, A will benefit from that also. I haven't felt panic since I posted the last time and I read a sign on a church billboard the other day that said, "Being alone is better than being in bad company." I took that as a sign....

As far as the money goes, he will be out of town for three days beginning the 28th, the wheels are turning believe me.

There are no concerns re the "man" I might move in with until I have my own place. I don't relish the idea of taking someone else in to care for and he has medical problems. He is just a friend and has offered a part of his big home to A and I for a short period of time until we find something else.

I'm not enabling him. I'm biding my time trying to be as meek as a lamb but as wise as a fox...

I'm sooooo with you. A woman has to leave wisely or everything could fall apart. Planning your escape is the most important part of it. For now, you're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard spot. We do what we have to do.

#5,
I am so sorry. I apparently misunderstood one of your posts. I thought I saw a post about you fighting not to drink and I took it to mean you were alcoholic. I am glad to hear you are not. You don't need more problems.

As Dianne posted, it is wise to plot your escape rather than taking off unprepared. If you run away without preparation, you might have to come crawling back. Sometimes abused women purposely escape into impossible circumstances in order to justify coming back. Of course time may not be in your favor if your husband is using it to plot against you.

I'm sure you will make the best decision.

smile

Keep on trucking, babe! Number 5, we are with you.

Glad to hear that you are really focusing on yourself and taking care of YOU. Wise words from the church sign -- glad you saw them.

May God continue to give you strength and wisdom.

Thank goodness for great survival instincts...Today I was praying and asked God to help me find His purpose for my life.

My mom continually hurts me. I call she and dad just to chat and wind up telling them what's going on and then mom says, "Well, you know there are healthy people in your family who would gladly take A off your hands." "Thanks mom!" As I've shared with you all before, my mom has never accepted any of her 5 children unless we have successful, well-paying jobs, drive nice vehicles, teach a Sunday school class or sing in the choir or both, are married to a successful man and have a college degree.

She once told my sister and I that she wished she had never given birth to us if she had known all we would do is grow up and marry and have kids.

She once beat me because my dad bought me a new skirt. I went to my dad's office and asked him if I could have a new skirt that I had seen at the department store when I was a soph, in high school. Dad went with me to the store and I showed him the skirt. He bought it for me but told me not to let my mom know. I only got to wear my cousin's hand me downs. We came home and I hid it in the closet but mom saw. She said to my dad, "Ray, you should have married Rhonda!"

My mom was always buying new things for herself. She would jump out from no where and beat my sister and I with whatever was handy for things like not coming in from playing on time. Yet, she taught us to appreciate opera and classical music and taught us to appreciate the finer things in life.

She treated me inappropriately by asking me when I was a teenager and young adult to come and get in bed with her and sing to her....She probably didn't mean anything weird by it, but it made me feel so uncomfortable.

Then I call her for comfort and she implies I shouldn't have my grandaughter. I never have been able to make her proud of me...

I tried so hard not to be a mom like the one I had that I think I overdid it. I was the fun mom, the silly mom, the strick but fun-loving mom.

When my girls needed new clothes I made sure they got them and always complimented them on how beautiful they were, how smart, how precious they are to me and still do.

I tried to coach their dad in how to give them his approval and blessing so they would look for a good man to marry.

Anyway, I've forgiven my mom, but still should know by now not to look to her for love and approval or encouragement.