Hi, Unique, and all of you..
I didn't mean to ignore your message, Unique!
Yes, I think I went into this in good faith, and have really beaten myself up with it.
On a positive note, I woke up last night around 4:00 a.m. with a moment of clarity...seeing some of the things with this man which have transpired, and thinking,"That's not right!!!"
Also, I haven't mentioned this, but he is unemployed, going to school still, taking a class in physics. He quit his job, a high-paying one two years ago, and his wife gave him his "walking papers" (his words), saying she didn't want to "keep him in his old age." I, in my accommodating nature, have been very careful not to impose on him financially. He even responded to my profile on Yahoo because I gave my ID connection on EBay, from which we then began to get to know each other!
It is over three weeks now since I've seen this man in person, and I am just hoping that my healing and clear thinking will continue.
I plan to go to church on Sunday also.
ARI

I think his ex wife had the right idea.

Thanks, Dianne!!!
Ari

Hi Ariadne, I'm a "regular" in here who's been kinda busy this week, so I couldn't comment earlier. Welcome!

About the guitar thing:
If you have to find an approropriate box to mail it, pack the damn thing so it won't break, take it to the post office and pay for shipping costs, by my expert math skills that's at least four more hoops you just jumped through for this jerk.

I'd send him an email telling him he has one week to pick it up, you'll leave it on the porch, and after that, it's getting donated to a local shelter or childrens' home. (Choose somewhere specific.)

Then donate it. You really don't want it hanging around to remind you of him. Getting rid of it will also bring some closure to you: just think of it as getting rid of him.

Hi, Meredith, and thank you!
I do not want to contact him even by email regarding the guitar. Firstly, I still feel too vulnerable and I'm not even sure what my own motivations would be in sending him such a message. I think if he wants the guitar, he should contact me, which he probably will, eventually, and then I can leave it outside for him, and NOT be there when he arrives.
ARI

Yeah, check that motivation thing because it's important. I wrote about this in my book. Gathering all the pictures of my about to be ex and I together and putting them in a shoebox and leaving them at his doorstep. On the way to the car, I realized what I was doing and threw the box into the trash bin. I was trying to keep him hooked, make him feel bad and get a response from him because any response, good or bad, was better than no response! I needed to know that this man who beat me, still cared. Screwy!

I think that it's good you're working through this on this site with the help available. That's a good way to get over it and him. Talk it out and vent until the feelings are gone. It works and we're here for you!

Thanks, Dianne,
I know I'm not really well mentally, as I keep checking my emails to see if he has written, and looking at my caller ID to see if he has called. I felt really bad because my expressions of anxiety and concern about the sexual part of the relationship seemed to drive him further and further away. I even tried to remain "upbeat" about it, masking my anxiety till it overwhelmed me. In pondering all of this, I believe a good man would have responded to my concerns with reassuring comments, making me feel safe, instead of moving further away and being emotionally remote and unavailable. I am still crawling out of the emotionally humiliating abyss from all of this, but seeing a glimmer of light now, especially since I found this forum.
ARI

Thanks, Unique,
I can't wait to be "over" this virus!
Life is so precious, and the amount of effort and energy to get past this is truly draining to me, requiring constant mental work, reminding myself he was "not into me."
ARI