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#69491 - 04/19/05 12:21 AM
Re: he's just not that into you
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Member
Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
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Thank you,Chickadee, for not condemning me to much in this last effort! There have been other men in my last three years alone and in isolation to whom I didn't respond. I did to this man, but it turned out not right for me. I know this now. ARI
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#69493 - 04/19/05 08:47 PM
Re: he's just not that into you
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Member
Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
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Thank you, Dianne and Smile... "If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice." You can't imagine how many times that statement was going thru my mind as I cooked a dinner, drove 2 hours to Dave's, had sex, and then cried again when he told me he "wasn't in love with me." I've acted out in childish and hateful ways since then, forwarding him a message from a close male friend (Harvard grad., judge and mediation lawyer) who calls him a "cad." Really hateful stuff, and he responded indignantly, but I felt it was good for him to see another male's perspective on his behavior toward me...I know this is over now, ending on a very, very bad note! ARI
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#69495 - 04/19/05 10:38 PM
Re: he's just not that into you
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Member
Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
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Well, though he had told me in email and over the phone that he was not "in love" with me, I didn't get it, my feelings for him were so strong. Actually seeing his body language, his facial expressions, when he told me that in person this past weekend, is burned into my mind! Dear God, at the age of 54, I am so much beyond this kind of behavior. I actually rec'd an email message from him this evening saying he had no hard feelings for me, but it would not continue. I agreed. So, that is IT!!! I think some time alone is required from all of this, and that's not a bad thing. I need to assess my attitudes and behavior before meeting anyone else, IF there is to be anyone else. I have spent three years alone, and learned to like my own quiet company, working on my art abd studying the Bible. Before meeting this man, who said he believes in "nothing," I actually looked forward to getting in bed each night and reading the Bible. When we initially met, via the Internet, I shared that with him! I let that all go, giving my energy over to the relationship! I have returned to my nightly study and hope to regain my "balance" soon. ARI
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#69497 - 05/21/05 02:48 PM
Re: he's just not that into you
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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I felt I was "in love" with this man. He made it clear he was not in love with me...only feeling "concern" in the clinical sense.
I know I have to feel the pain of this and move on. It's just so hard! =========================================== Ariadne You didn't tell me if this guy was divorced or not but, even if he is long term single then he's probably helped out a few divorced buddies. So let me tell you about pain.
In Australia, post divorce trauma, leads one in thirteen divorced men to suicide. If that doesn’t sound like a high figure then consider that the suicide rate caused by post rape trauma is less than one in a hundred rape victims. Not only is divorce Australia’s biggest cause of suicide. It’s double all the rest of the suicide causes put together. It’s a body count equal to the national road toll. And the figures would be similar in the USA. That’s the kind of trauma that you can’t even imagine but I’ll dwell on the issue of post rape trauma for comparison even if not a good one. Hypothetical! A girlfriend of yours is coming home from a hot date, dressed to the nines, in really sexy gear. She’s accosted in a back street and raped. In court the rapist comes out with the usual drivel that she was asking for it because the was wearing sexy clothing. The court dismisses that excuse and jails him anyway. Tell me this Lindsey, would you ever expect your friend, still suffering post rape trauma, to ever wear that same clothing again? Would you be surprised if she burned it? There’s your answer.
Any man, who has been directly, or even indrectly, burned by post divorce trauma is going to keep the committted relatinships at a distance. Casual ones yes. Committed ones no. Is this starting to sound a little more like your intellectual friend?
Yes Araine I know you feel pain. But that pain has never had you seriously contemplating suicide has it? That's the pain of a divorced man.
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#69500 - 05/22/05 03:28 AM
Re: he's just not that into you
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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We have to learn to sit back, enjoy the glorious women we are and wait for that special someone who will worship at our feet. ======================================== Diane That elderley gentleman was not giving you good advice. He was being nice to you. He was telling you the kind of lies that give you a warm fuzzy feeling. And he was old enough to know it. Just stop and think about what he said. "Special people" don't worship at anyones feet. Common people worship at their feet. So forget that.
Now! To the real nitty gritty. Glorious women, superfox, high maintinance women. This is exactly what puts the guys off. Try this section directly from the book
Not into you Page 8 Greg reminded us that we were all beautiful, smart, funny, women and we shouldn’t be wasting our time figuring out why a guy is not calling us.
===== Greg failed to mention that beautiful is the last on the list of desirable traits that real men seek. The other traits can be as undesirable as desirable. I note that Greg never used the word “horny” when he described the ladies. From a purely sexual point of view that’s a hundred times more important than “beautiful”. From a general point of view the most important characteristic of the lot is “likes men” Most women are actually so conditioned to man hating that even they aren’t aware of how bad they really are. Smart is desirable. Smart ass is not. Funny ceases to be funny, in a hell of a hurry, if funny consists of a continuous stream of malicious jokes about men. To get some idea of how unfunny this sort of thing becomes, in a hurry, try spending a couple of days cracking nothing but blonde jokes and see how fast the blondes in the office lose their sense of humor.
Get both your nose, and your standards, out of the stratosphre and have a really good look at the good(not perfect) men all around you.
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