Its a hard thing to diagnose once a man and woman have been together long enough to feel comfortable with each other. There should be no fear of intimacy because they've shared it many times already....What seems to be the million dollar question here is when does it turn sour, when does a man begin looking for something more and why? I don't believe even they know the answer to that Dianne and I have asked plenty of them that many times. After the initial blaming it on someone else, usually the spouse, with more questioning they finally admit they don't know why they do it but they need it, they want it and yes they know its not for them ever to really have but in their minds they are having a trist with these gorgeous young unatainable women that in real life they would have nor could have ever had the nerve to approach. It somehow strokes their egos. I find the entire subject a mystery and it makes me sad to know it will get worse with time. I have been on both side of this coin and neither side is healthy or satisfying...

Francine and chatty, all I can do is shake my head at your posts. You speak the truth, and the truth totally sickens me. What God has created is being destroyed by the minds of those who choose not to follow Him, and even some who do.

Francine, your mention of sex becoming a sport and less of an intimate act is true in certain circles. My heart aches for these young adults for when/if they ever grow beyond this casual attitude and desire the true intimacy a sexual relationship deserves.

I want to add something here. I just caught my husband "googling" porn sites...again...and one of my first thoughts was to blame myself, because I don't "want it" as often as he does
(he would literally do it every night if I was willing, he's never said no). Then I realized something. I've known him for almost 30 years and he's always liked porn, whether we were having sex every night or not! So it is not my fault. He is so immature in the relationship department.
I think I am going to try a separation. I've wanted to so many times, about always feel guilty
about following through.

Sex is great, sex is good and one of God's greatest gifts for our pleasure (When we are married!!)
Porn in my opinion is for insecure men who fear losing that part of their manhood that has served them well for years. Or, it is like a drug. Different drugs give us diffent results. People can get so addicted to porn that its almost as terrible an addiction as the person who can't stop eating potato chips or ice cream. They just keep getting bigger and bigger and start hiding their contraband in closets and drawers and eat when no one else is at home to see them.
Addiction is addiction is addiction......

Well then it's like those addictions in another way. If you don't admit it's a problem and don't get help, it won't go away.

The Bible says that sexual sin is against your own body (not outside yourself). If I am one flesh with this man, he is sinning against my body, which I try to keep so pure.

Bluebird, it sounds like he needs a serious lesson. The problem with most women, me included is that we threaten and threaten and never follow through. When we do however we feel better and they finally get the point...sorry to hear you are one of the walking wounded. He must be nuts!!!

[ January 14, 2006, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

No I didn't mean to say that it was just for procreation and that every act should end in a pregnancy. Or that once you are past child bearing years, you shouldn't have sex. Forgive my vagueness.
I meant that God created this as the only way to get pregnant( not talking science here, I know about in vitro, etc.). I also happen to believe that every act should be open to new life, but that is my religious belief and am not condemning anyone who believes otherwise.
I just meant when you separate the act from its intended purpose, like porn as entertainment, you pervert God's design. The design was to make sex the way we bring new humans into the world, in a loving, committed relationship (marriage). He also made it feel good so people would do it and life would go on.
So, no, I did not mean to imply anyone was sinning here. Sorry if it sounded like that.

Chatty, we discovered that our 12 year old was googling porn sites on the family computer and that he had visited many sites on a laptop we have. He had his account pasword protected (not anymore!!).
But when I accused my husband last night he really didn't deny it and then he avoided me all night, which is what he does when he's lying and guilty. So I believe I caught 2 birds with one stone here. My 12 year old is curious, my husband has a problem...

[ January 14, 2006, 08:19 PM: Message edited by: Bluebird ]

Well my 12 year old just swore to me that he did visit sites on the laptop but not on the desktop, which is where I found the google history. I just asked him to spell a certain word and he did not spell it the way it was spelled on the google search.(My husband spells things wrong all the time and the word I saw was mispelled).
My husband specifically told me that our son admitted to doing it on the desktop. How can he lie this much?? Here I felt bad that I went and told my priest all about this today.