I had a very sheltered life. I married at 18 and have never been alone. I've battled breast cancer and Melanoma, and had to wait another six times through out the years to find out if the cancer had returned. Just found out the good news on a bone scan last week. I'm sure many of the ladies out there know what I'm talking about when I say it's not fun waiting for the answer. I really can't explain why I'm chicken except the fact I don't want to be alone. BUT.......my husband retired from the State of Washington and two months later went back to work. In this State you can work for the State for so many months and still receive retirement pay and be paid while working. It pays for the medical, which I need desparately! My husband is on the road all the time, and then he travels up to our second home on the Skagit River three hours North of here and stays there all the time. During the summer I very rarely see him. So, don't ask me why I'm afraid to be alone, because he's never here. Then there is the money factor. I'm used to a very comfortable life style, and I know it sounds very vain, but I don't want to lose that. I'm told if I want to be happy, I'd better think about just getting out. One thing I'd really like to do is a trial separation, but I just don't know how he will react to all this. Not matter what we are talking about, it seems like we end up arguing, and he turns the discussion around to where it's all my fault. We could be discussing the weather and it would be my fault if it started to rain. I have total support of my daughters, but it just plain hard to think about being on my own after 41 years and never being on my own before I was married. Sorry about the rambling, but just don't know how to explain my feeling. It's tuff!