I agree, Dianne, and yes for years I would tell him things that bothered me. I used to be the martyr type that would suffer in silence. But then I'd end up getting angry that he didn't know what was bothereing me. So, since he is not a mind reader, I started telling him things, thinking he would change some of those behaviors. Well he wouldn't do anyhting about it anyway. And then I just came off as a nagging wife. I couldn't really win. He has changed somewhat, lately. It all centers around sex (of course!). If he's getting "enough" he is calm and happy and seems to go out of his way to help me in other ways. Once he has gone more than 1 night without it, he starts getting an attitude.
It's like he wants to punish me because he thinks I'm punishing him. Keep in mind that I've been pregnant 11 times, nursed 7 of my kids and am now pre-menopausal. Years ago, I decided to stop contracepting (I'm Catholic) and he "went along with it" but refused to come to the Natural family planning class with me. You have to go as a couple, so I had to learn through a book. I wasn't always successful in reading the signs and there were many times when I thought I might be fertile, but instead of telling him "no" another night, we'd have sex. Sure enough, I'd get pregnant. This caused resentment on my part. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give back any of my kids (I've thought about it, but who'd take em??). So now I'm at the point where I don't care if he gets angry. If I don't want to be touched, that's my choice. I think he is starting to "get it" though, so we'll see how it all works out. I'm the kind of person who needs to connect on an emotional and spiritual level and that is what helps me to feel like giving my love. We don't connect that way...