Interesting -- I just finished a chapter in the "Energy of Money" on forgiveness. Here are my thoughts -- take what you like and leave the rest.

I agree with Dotsie that forgiveness is done for me. If I truly forgive, it means I let go of the resentments and anger I feel towards the other person. I don't have to tell them I forgive them. If the person is still in my life, they will know it from my actions. Forgiveness doesn't come easily all the time and may take some time. I don't think I've totally forgiven my ex-husband for his abuse, but I'm much closer than I've ever been. I think this is good for me because he is slowly dying. (He has been killing himself with self-abuse for decades and it's finally catching up.) It will be good for me if I can complete the process before he dies. Our relationship is easier (we have a son) because I no longer bring past anger and resentment into every conversation.

On the other hand, I have boundaries which he, and others in my life are not allowed to cross. I will not be yelled at, or verbally degraded by anyone. I remove myself from the situation. That is my part. I avoid putting myself in situations that are dangerous to myself -- my part of the problem.

Forgiveness of myself is, of course, the hardest. I'm still working on that one! LOL!

Peace and love.

You are right...you can forgive a person and not even tell them...but it can be very difficult at times. If someone causes you pain over and over and over again and again and says "I'm sorry"...can you keep on forgiving them?? or do you forgive each time?
I forgave my ex a long time ago..I called and asked him to forgive me...he told me he could if I could forgive him FIRST...very profound..
KaseyC

I believe forgiveness goes hand in hand with hating the sin but loving the sinner. I may hate what the purveyor of the hurt did to me, but I love the purveyor. No one is perfect and sin is powerful. Some are weaker vessels than others and can't seem to keep from sinning. Consider Judas. Of all 12 apostles, he was the one who folded to temptation and sold out Christ.

I really hate some of the things done to me and to others, but I pity the person who did them. How horrible to be such a pawn of sin. How terrible they must feel living in their own skin and what a terrible place they will go to if they don't repent of their sins and receive forgiveness from God.

How sorry I feel for them in their depravity. BUT I do feel the necessity to protect myself and mine from the results of their weakness. I feel sorry for the pedafile because how horrible it would be to be them, but the sin of pedaphilia, is beyond my forgiveness and I will protect my grandchildren and others to the best of my ability even to the taking of a life if need be.

Another question: Does forgiving also include trusting that same person again? Especially if the offender never apologized?

It is much easier to forgive someone who you know has issues or a past filled with some sort of abuse or neglect. However, some people have no reason to behave badly except that they are evil, or anti-social. They don't have feelings of remorse.

I've been in relationships with people like that and I have forgiven them and let it go, but I wouldn't ever be in any sort of relationship with them, although I would be polite if they were in my life. Boundaries are a good thing - keep the good in and the bad out. Even God has boundaries.

Trust is a big issue for me. I wouldn't trust until trust is earned. To me trust isn't just a blanket issue. Someone has to earn my trust first then if they betray that trust, they have to earn it back again.

These days, I'm very careful about chosing the people I trust. In the past, my trust has been badly abused by people I thought I could trust and were important in my life. I could always forgive them, but I found I could no longer trust them the same way again. They usually don't get a second chance to let me down, because I'll never be that close to that person again.

This may sound terribly harsh and judgemental to some of you. But I've had to learn to keep those people at arms length for the sake of my sanity.

I believe that forgiveness and trust are two separate things. I may admire the beauty of the tiger and forgive him for being a man eater, but I will not get in the cage with him.

Dianne, that is so hard. Especially if the person has a history of lashing out.

I beleive in keeping hurtful people at arms length. Sad, but true. You can be kind to them, but you don't have to go out of your way to spend time with them.

Thoughts?

I guess I wonder if you don't really trust that person, have you not really forgiven them in your heart? Is forgiveness always complete as there seems to be degrees of it. The more I think on this, the more confused I become.