I was with a group of women and one of them said she was having a problem with a certain woman who really, had been verbally abusive to her and she couldn't seem to work through it. One of the women said we'll pray about it later. I said, I think forgiveness is nothing more than a choice. You either decide to do it or you don't. So, that's what I mean by choice. To me, it's an action.

I realized yesterday I had read the story of the Nazi wrong. (Hey, I was in a hurry). Didn't have time to change my reply yesterday. Either way, I figure forgiving someone to be a gift, not only to the forgiven, but to the one forgiving as well. Forgiving others brings a form of peace. Holding on to anger or resentment only causes pain and leads to both psychological and physical disease.

smile

On the other hand, I have a friend who told me she has the gift of forgiveness. I think she has the gift of being a door mat. She somehow works and becomes friends with women who treat her horribly and cheat her out of money in business. I think she's afraid of confrontation or strife.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Dotsie:
<strong> Forgiveness is the ultimate gift of grace.

We are hurting OURSELVES when we choose not to fogive. Forgiveness leads to life lived abundantly, instead of in the trenches, mulling over all the offenses.

Forgiveness doesn't make the other person right, it simply makes you FREE. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I agree with this. I've personally seen people ill due to not being able to forgive. And this goes on for years.

The Lord's prayer reminds us how important it is to forgive, and makes it clear that we ought to forgive others in order to be forgiven ourselves.

It is a choice I make. When I forgive I am no longer allowing x incident and/or person to bother me. Resentment can't reign in my heart when I forgive.

HEre is somethign I found in a book by BJ Gallagher, Everything I Need to Know I Learned for Other Women.

Go figure!

Feel your hurt.

Open your mind.

Release your anger.

Give love a chnace.

Inquire within your heart.

Venture into dialogue.

Embrace the other person.

Nudge yourself to keep at it, even when you don't want to.

Enjoy new possiblilites and freedom.

Seek Divine guidance and help.

Savor your new serenity and peace.

Notice the first letter of each sentnece spells forgive.

Dotsie,

I printed that out to keep. Thanks for sharing.

Well, this is all very admirable, but still does not answer the question, what IS forgiveness? I mean, I agree that forgiveness gives freedom and so on, but what does that mean? In terms of daily actions, I guess. So, if I forgive someone of a transgression, (which is my natural desire to do - but am contemplating this, as another was involved, who cannot speak for themself) do I retain our before-relationship? As tho nothing has happened? I have a responsibility to the someone else also...that one who cannot speak. Of course I would like to take the "high road" here, but I'm not certain what that is.....

Maybe I'm placing too much importance on the issue. Maybe it doesn't matter at all. Of course you who know me, know I'm speaking of Nichole. And Nichole forgave everyone. No matter how terrible the insult. But I'm not sure this was right. I'm not sure that they should have been given such a blanket disspensation for the pain caused her. And she needed the friendship - so would be reluctant to speak of her disappointment. It's a hard thing to think about....

But she and those like her, should have a voice also - someone to say " This is not alright. You should pay more attention to me, and realize that I am a gift to you". And as I just said that, I remember again, that Nichole said those very words....."I am a gift to you-all, whether you know it or not"...Well, she was speaking of other members of her family at the time - she was surely a gift, and many didn't know it". And still don't.

So that is why I ask......just what does forgiveness really mean?

Search

I must turn to the Bible when considering forgiveness. Colossians 3:13 says Forgive as the Lord forgave you. That makes me ask how does He forgive me? When does He forgive me? 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Since I believe the Bible is a blueprint for the way we should live our lives, it means that when a person commits an offense against us, THEY should ask for forgiveness (or at least be sorry) before they can be forgiven. Forgiveness is for people who are in relationship with each other. I do think you can put bad experiences and hurts behind you - letting it go.

I heard a true story of a young man bicyclist getting run down and killed by a drunk driver in France (he was American). The parents of the young man were in court and saw the drunk driver laughing and joking with his attorney. On the Christian radio program, the mother asked how if the driver had no remorse how could she forgive him? She was never going to see that man again. Of course she had to let it go and I'm sure the only way to do that would be with God's help.

Is there a difference between forgiving and letting go?

Daisygirl

I feel if you actively decide to forgive you have to let it go. Don't they work together?

I saw a show on a woman who not only forgave the man who killed her daughter, but visited him in prison. At first, I felt it was just too much but then, I realized that it was for her own healing. She had to forgive him so she could move on.

In doing so, she gave this man the opportunity fo find his own forgiveness with God.

Dianne,

My earlier comments about forgiveness were based on personal exprience, none of which was as dramatic as this woman's was.

The hardest part for me is forgiving someone who won't admit what they did was hurtful or wrong. I think that's the same as the letting go that Daisy asked about. I've learned that not everyone you forgive will necessarily use that oportunity to find their own forgiveness. When I forgive someone like that, I'm doing it to please myself. Selfish, maybe, but that's how I feel.