Vi thanks for asking but no he died when only 24, three years after we were married from nasal cancer. Thanks so much for asking.....

Danita there is a saying for your friend who's boyfriend doesn't want to get married: Why Buy The Cow When The Milks Free. Thats the reason I give my granddaughter about staying chaste until he/whoever buys the cow so to speak. My mother taught me that as well and it's true even more today....If she does decide to buy a home with this slug make sure her name is on the Mortgage and all other legal documents. Personally I would be ticked off at a man not loving me enough to make me his wife, whats that about????

LSmith5434, I don't remember if you're married or not and if so this is not a good idea. If your single and he's married this is not a good idea, get the picture???

Yep...I got it.
We're both married, if you want to call it that.
But I completely understand what you are saying.
That's why I'm cooling my heels on this.
I do appreciate you candor Chatty. It helps a lot.
Lynne

Chatty Lady,

How did you cope with your loss at such a young age? Did you nurse him while he was in decline? Did you have support? Or did you have to face it alone? I know that we all get through the awful things somehow, but when we are young, things seem so intolerable. It's hard to know at that age, that the pain will subside, and you will one day be whole.

Is this something you need or would like to talk about? I have an ear or two.

Vi

Vi, thanks. It was so very many years ago that time has managed to cover the wound. We just found out we were pregnant with our son three years into our marriage. He had been having terrible headaches and I made him go see our GP when I was at the OB/GYN, the same day. He had to go for more tests and yes I was always by his side. We decorated the nursery, had a huge baby shower togther even after we had gotten the frightening news. He was so brave and never lost faith but lost the battle. Back in those days the 50/60's they didn't have the treatments like they do today. Everytime I look at my handsome son I can see his father there looking back at me. I still become emotional when certain songs play like "At Last" by Edda James, it was our song. They say that what does not kill you, makes you stronger. Its true! We did have a wonderful loving hands on support system who helped us both so much and i never leftb his side....and my incredibly handsome and healthy, strong, honest, decent son, who is a caring husband and father himself now, honors his fathers memory everyday by his actions. I don't think one ever gets over such a tragedy and perhaps thats why I am so impatient with people who whine about 'nothing' and 'crab' about getting old. My husband would have been so happy for the priviledge to grow old. We are all so fortunate for that blessing....

[ December 18, 2005, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Chatty Lady, as I read your words I pictured what you were saying, I felt it too because of my own losses. How difficult a period it must have been for you. How far you have come.

I understand about the whining thing. After my boyfriend died of cancer, I would get upset with my sister and her husband for snipping at each other, little digs like people do, even though they loved each other. I wanted to yell at them - tell them that at least they had each other. She's the one who died last summer. My brother-in-law now knows what it feels like.

These days when I see the snipping, I just think how much those people have to learn. And often to learn it we have to go through loss.

Does your dear husband come to you in your dreams? Do you or have you ever felt his presence? Those who truly love follow each other across eternity.

Love, Vi

Chatty, Your son is a tribute to his father and a tribute to you as well. In fact, you are a tribute to your marriage and your husband's love shines through you even now.

Loss is so hard, and love is not always easy either, but when memories are all that is left, the love makes them beautiful.

smile

[ December 19, 2005, 01:51 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

chatty and vi, I am sorry for your losses. Thanks for sharing. I'm grateful time manages to heal most wounds. You are both fine examples of carrying on in spite of loss.

Chatty and Vi, bless you for the strength and love you gave to your loved ones during their illness. I have lived with cancer both as a patient and a caregiver. Although we were fortunate enough to both survive, we also learned to face our own mortality. I, too, feel sad when I see others sniping at each other when life can be so short.

Our memories are what sustain us through both life and loss.

My first true love was my senior year of high school. We were both 17. We've been married for 38 years. Over the year that we have been married we have grown up together and now we are growing older together and if I had it all to do over again...I would pick this guy without a second thought.

Deb,how wonderful for you. I think most of us would have preferred to be wise enough to make those kinds of choices, or wished that tragedy hadn't taken the ones we love so. You are truly blessed.

Strength is a matter of enduring that which you think you can't stand and growing from it.