Oregon Sue is right on when she says this is an addiction. He probably doesn't even know why he does it--he's just driven to it. The problem with addicts, whether it's alcohol or something else, is that they are in total denial about the addiction, and if you bring it up, they get angry to try to shut you up. They're stuck in a cycle, where their anxiety level goes up, and they self-medicate by losing themselves in the addiction, because it helps them detach from reality and calms them down. There's a part of them that's totally devoted to the addiction and will put it ahead of anything else. But then there's that other part, that's loving to you. This is what makes it Soooo difficult--it's like he's two different people, and you don't want to lose the loving person. Just when you convince yourself you can't deal with it any more, he does something really considerate, or makes you laugh, or connects with you in some way, and you get all confused again. I don't know the answer. But if you stay, it helps to be really clear in your own mind that this is HIS problem, you owe absolutely no guilt about it, and you're not doing anything wrong, despite all his attempts to blame you. And to speak your truth to him, without shame or apology--tell him this is unacceptable to you, that he's hurting you and it's wrong.