My ex use to call these type bras....Over the shoulder bolder holders...very classy guy, NOT!

i have a slightly different take on the whole married men chatting it up with other women thing...
it's not about jealousy or insecurity...it's about territory...i wouldn't let another woman (or let my husband let another woman) drive my car, access my bank account, mother my children, or wash my undies...why the sam hill would i tolerate another woman having a part of my husband's life that is mine? (ie: conversations that the most important woman in his life isn't privy to)...
for better or worse, my husband is mine and i'm his...that's all there is to it...it's not like property with paperwork and a "no trespassing" sign because it's even more than that...
and what's with these other women that they have no respect for the sanctity of that territory?
they should expect vile consequences for trespassing just as they would coming onto my property uninvited or joyriding around in my car without my permission...these women clearly have no personal boundaries and have already proven they will trespass to get what they want so it can be safely assumed and reasonably predicted that they won't stop at emails and phone calls...

within the fenceline of one's territory is a husband and a wife, both of whom understand that there's no straddling the fence no matter what may be calling (or emailing or text messaging) from afar...

it doesn't matter whether or not a woman who has been trepassed upon is willing to be trespassed upon or not -- the reality is that someone is trespassing and now the property is shared...that's very uncool and a valid point of contention in any divorce court...

a man may be many wonderful things but sharing himself at the expense of his wife's peace of mind overrides EVERYthing he does that's wonderful...
i would wonder what else is he sharing? maybe he's not sharing physically but it's a good bet he's confiding in ms.thang about his marriage and all the other goods that are the wife's territory -- and how long til he does share physically...personally, i don't think i could get past the possibility that i was being talked about, let alone sharing physical affections...

the other woman (because that's what she is) isn't woman enough to get her own man...
any guy who would do this, no matter how great he is in any other way(s), is nothing less than a cad...
if the man won't stop, perhaps it's best to let them have at each other...cheaters deserve to be with cheaters...

Blue
I can see the pain in your post and can only encourage you in whatever path you choose. We will be here for you.

Open communication with your husband is so important, but it must be terribly difficult if he is unwilling to open up. However, being open with yourself and with him must surely be the healthiest option. Perhaps he will eventually respond to your honesty.

I will pray for you and also your husband.
smile

Blue, msdiana mentions "peace of mind" in her post. Are you feeling overwhelmed by this? Do you have any peace of mind? Because when you begin spending many of your waking moments with thoughts of his antics, I think it's time to get help. Perhaps a professional's help could guide you so you can ask questions and get answers from your hubby. I'd want smem kind of promise that he is no longer dallying in internet relationships.

This morning I sent him an email letting him know that I had no intention of letting this go. He said he would stop since it wasn't worth it if it hurt me that much...I am going to take his word for it. I'll see how much he "punishes" me for making him stop inappropriate behavior. He said before that he "resents" my jealousy and controlling ways, but he has built resentment in me, too. I have tried to let go of allof the hurt that he has given me in the past. And now I will let go of this, we'll see if he can, too.

I wish you and your husband luck in achieving this. Things like this put an awful strain on a marriage.

BLUE, I am including you and your husband in my daily prayers. I see how much you want things to work out and how your relationship is important enough to save. Many of us would have been "outta there" by now. You are adamant about making it work, so I am asking God for a little intervention to help you both. Keep a peaceful heart, it is what a body needs most.

chick