Sex is another one of these personal, one-size-doesn't-fit-all issues. I sympathize with you, Bonnie. It's not easy when the guy won't communicate. And I don't know what to do when you don't have the desire. But I agree with DallasGal that actively taking charge of one's sex life is liberating. Dotsie, you seem to be saying the same thing between the lines of your postings.

Here's something I did for my husband as soon as our last child left home. (Let me echo Dotsie and assure you that Mike doesn't mind if I share these intimate details.) For a present, I gave him four coupons for sex initiated by me and told him that he could redeem them whenever he wanted. No matter what my mood or time of the month, if he winked and said, "Coupon Number..."--code language for my present--I had to stop whatever I was doing and initiate lovemaking. It was great for our sex life! Ironically, it turned out to be as much a gift for me as it was for him.

Too much information??

How cool Prill, now thats what I mean about spontinaity. Men love it, they hate schedules especiaslly for sex. I have heard that from thousands of men over the years so it must be true.....

Prill,

Great idea! Thank you for sharing. There is something quite interesting and alluring for every woman about their husbands "taking charge" just so they can.

Sex? What's that (LOL)?!? Seriously... too much other stuff going on in mine and my hubby's life to even think about it at this point! Both our libidos went somewhere... where? we are both still trying to figure this out b/c when we hug and kiss the desire and chemistry is still there (for sure!) but he and I are always so darn tired it isn't funny. My hubby has even said that sex is like doing exercise and he just doesn't have that kind of energy anymore... neither do I, unfortunately. But I know it has nothing to do with our ages -- he's only a week older than I, so he will be 47 a week before me! -- but our "emotional baggage,working so darn hard and medications we both take" may have more to do with it. Medications we're both on COULD be playing a role with our libidos not firing right... me for chronic back & knee pain and depression; him for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and ADHD! Though let me tell you girls, when we hug and kiss and hold one another tight it is as if we are having sex... Remembering the early part of our marriage (lots and lots of sex for sure) is what keeps us going besides our love for each other... In other words, we are both too tired just now but know we won't always be. And we both feel that there is much more to LOVE than sex...

Rosanne --

The fact that your hubby and you are on the same page about your sex life says alot about your love for each other.

You're probably right that the medicine is taking a bit of a toll on your "sex life" -- but your communicating about it and not pointing fingers at each other and more important than anything -- not turning to someone else !!

and it seems to me that your Hugs and Kisses mean your LOVE LIFE is doing just fine ;-)

Rosanne, I agree with Lion. There isn't a problem as long as couples are on the same page.

The trouble arises when one partner isn't happy, won't communicate about it, and becomes resentful and angry.

I can't stand it when someone isn't happy with their sex life and they mention it after a couple drinks, humiliating their partner. How stupid is that? Then "the wife" says, "you're cut off". Well honey, when you cut him off, you're cutting yourself off too. I never understood that logic.

AMEN !!!

Jeezie peezie!!!!I miss the forums for a month and you all go wild on me! In the future if we're going to have these kind of posts I insist someone email me and give me a heads up!!! Reading these posts is the most sex I've had in ages! I'm all steamy just reading this!

In 18 years with my husband, our sex life has the same highs and lows, surplus and deficit as the national budget. I try to enjoy the surplus times and remember them during the droughts!

I can relate to the added complications of mania and depression (his) and hormone craziness (mine)
but don't forget those posts a couple of months ago about having teenagers....they continue to be the biggest deterent. As long as I think they are listening, I just can't relax!

Gosh I've missed you guys!

Kathryn

Kathyrn,

I am soooo with you! My husband can't understand why I can't (aheem) totally express myself - when my teenagers are in the room next to ours! And I thought having toddlers was bad.

I have to say though, that at 20 yrs of marriage - that the fire still burns. I looovee to tease my hubby during the day by flashing him and such (when the children AREN'T looking, of course). It keeps him thinking about me when he drives away.

smiles,
d

Kathryn & Danita-- I can totally relate to your comments about teenagers. That's one of the reasons I'm NOT excited about the possibility of my 21 year old coming back home after he graduates from college to figure out his next step. I've gotten spoiled...and want to stay that way!!!