Meredith, you submitted that. It is beautifully written and so powerful.

I remember a minister preaching about couples hugging the side of their beds with hopes of never having to touch one another. Your poem reminded me of that sermon.

Smack me ladies, but I think this is sad. How many marriages do you think are like this? Too many? Do you think there are many women feeling this alone and secluded within their homes, marriages, and beds?

[ May 30, 2005, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Yep, I sure do, sadly.

I must have really missed this one...

I am 13 years younger than my husband and over the past year we noticed something very interesting about our desire for sex - I had more desire.

During my pregnancy with Andrew in 2002/2003, I had a lot of back problems that ended me in the hospital for the last couple of months (Cauda Equina Syndrome) - well, after the pressure was reduced from the areas in my back that were damaged from a birth defect combined with two car accidents in 2001, I returned to normal - but I think that something affected Mike seeing me like that in so much pain, losing feeling in the "saddle" area - hips to upper/inner thigh, etc. and well, anyways, for a while after Andrew was born we were down to once a week, every two weeks, b/c I would experience some residual pain and discomfort and had lost alot of the feeling in the saddle area, most has come back, but there is still a difference in sensation.

Shortly after Andrew turned a year, Mike had gall bladder surgery, and we also faced a huge job transition with him moving to the Corporate Office and us buying/selling homes - first trip to house hunt I fell into a drain ditch and broke my ankle and sprained the other one - we had at this point an under 1 year old who couldn't walk - and neither could mommy w/out crunches.

So he has faced a lot of unusual stress combinations, packed on a few pounds (I'd say about 20 - 30) and his drive decreased.

Our Doctor of course recommended that Mike lose weight, exercise more to help increase his testosterone levels (as he was religious with exercise when we were first married - and it was easier to count what days we weren't active compared to active.) ---oh those good ole' days! ha!

The Dr. also recommended an evaluation of Mike's hormone levels, turns out us women aren't the only ones who go through interesting "changes of life" - and that science is just starting to focus on something called "A.D.A.M" Androgen Deficiency In Aging Males, the male version of Menopause called Andropause. (I have written an article called "When Eve Meets A.D.A.M" on this that will be published under the HEALTH section of InspiredMoms.com for July/August).

We really appreciate our Dr. taking the extra steps to understand this and now Mike has a lot of drive...of course we have our "off" moments where we aren't in sync and completely miss the signs, but for the most part we average about 3-4 times a week and on a really good week at least once a day. =)

Every day we try to focus on some sort of touching to train the brain to get used to and expect physical/sexual touch daily.

It is so easy to forget about sex and sexual touching, unless you make a conscious choice to do something every day...to "keep the blood pumping". (no pun intended).

Dallas, you are so wise to seek help. You and your hubby sound like you have a healthy relationship. Keep talking, keep flirting, keep touching,and keep, well you get the message

Thanks for the reminder to make a conscious effort to touch throughout the day.

I look forward to reading your article.

Great poem, Meredith! It speaks of a crude and painful reality.

There are many couples "sleeping with the enemy" nowadays. I hear it over and over. It is sad that many times pride and selfishness get in the way of what used to be a loving relationship.

If we do not learn to love and fully forgive we can't be in a productive relationship.