Kate, everything you said was from your heart. I'm not so sure you're looking for answers here, as you are getting it all out of your system. Maybe both? Both ARE healthy.

Burnout can occur in anything... a hobby, a job, a bad marriage, friendships, soccer Mom, etc..etc...

It sounds like you've given 100% to everyone else for many years, and now that you've matured, you're at the point where you realize its OKAY to dream your own dreams (not that it wasn't before, but I don't think you allowed it for yourself) you're experiencing more and more daydreams and fantasties regarding the ideal life you desire. Again I say healthy!

So many people begin building that "new self" and desire it so strongly that they cross the line from reality to dillusional, jumping the gun and ending up with regrets.

You, on the other hand, sound like a level-headed thinker to me. You rationalize and face reality. You ground yourself whenever you find thoughts going to far with your desires. This is not the action of a insane person. On the contrary.

Personally though, I think you combat "going for it" by being soooo hard on yourself which jolts you back to reality with guilt, and causes sleepless nights. Not healthy.

I say ease up on yourself. Keep your focus and know its coming, but allow yourself to remain in the NOW. NOW is all we have. You could be fretting/worrying over something that never comes, and for all you know, somewhere down the line could completely change! Life is like that.

Here's what I think though.

You are a very loving and intelligent woman from the sound of your post and my guess is you will be telling us, step by step one of these days (and maybe even helping other women???), how you accomplished ALL by dreaming, planning, and taking appropriate action at the appropriate time. I'm sure of it.

JJ