Kate,

I, too, can relate to this. Had to have some therapy years ago due to a very stressful situation. The therapist kept trying to dig into my childhood; especially issues with my mother, to find out the 'root cause' of my problems.

My problems at the time had nothing to do with my childhood or mother--it had to do with what I was going through at the time--a lot of stress in an unhealthy environment with difficult people.

After awhile, I got tired of the interrogations and pressure 'to perform' for the therapist and said, "I'm out of here!"

It is my opinion that some therapists don't want you well---at least not for awhile---they want to keep that precious money flowing in---and they want to be the one to say 'what's wrong with you.' Most therapists 'love' being the one who solves the problem, and then reveling in it!

Just an opinion..but been there..done that...

I'm always telling boring stories on her, but... Toni's post reminded me of when I went to a psychiatrist after a really disgusting divorce.
I had two kids, no support, and money was tight. I knew I only had 50 minutes with the shrink so I went in with a written outline of my life, a list of my current problems, and a calculator.
I gave my life story to the doctor and told him I needed an estimate. He read the story and determined that I was simply recovering from a divorce.
I asked how long it would take. He said two years. I asked what he could do for me and he said he would see me twice a week for a while then less often, blah, blah, blah. I asked how long it would take with his help and he said two years.
I ran the numbers on the calculator for the cost of the entire two years of treatment. The sum was astronomical. When I added the cost of the time off work and travel expense, it went up even more.
I said, "Do you realize that adds up to $??? He said, "Yesss.." I said, "I could educate one of my kids for that amount of money. He said, "Yessss.."

We had a about 10 minutes left, but I decided it was his kids or mine and I thanked him and left. When I tried to pay, the receptionist told me he had written "No charge" on my record.
Later I met him at a party and asked why he didn't charge me. He said he got more than his fee in fun telling the story at parties. Then he added that everyone should write out their life story and get an estimate.
Hey, some minds may not be worth saving. Mine inclded.
smile

Dots,
Actually knowing there was an end coming pretty much did the trick.

On a practical note to anyone considering psychotherapy:
I would highly recommend taking a brief written outline of your life and a list of how you see your problems to the shrink. Some might think you're nuts, but hey, that's their business. And after all, you are paying them, they're not paying you.
Since my psyche experience, I have told that story to a few psychiatrist friends and all agreed it would save time and money.
Also, it might be quite revealing to you as well.
smile

Smilinize~ I LOVE your approach.

I sort of tried that with her the first couple of sessions. I didn't have it all mapped out like you did though. But I wanted to give her the drive-thru version of my life so I could hit the highlights and maybe she could circle 'round and hit the hot spots.

But geeze, do they really get people who just have absolutely NO insight whatsoever? Because that's what it sounds like.

And last week when I told her something .....I don't know what but it was something where I stood my ground... not really a big deal, I thought she was going to break out the pompoms and do a cheer. Okay, CALM DOwn lady!

I just get frustrated sometimes. Life gives you plenty of situations and you have a certain set of parameters that you have to operate in.

For instance, my irritating co-worker being... well, I'm not going to quit over her checkbook thing, of course she's not going to quit, we're both 50 so it's doubtful either one of us thinks we're doing anything wrong, and it's doubtful that either one of us is going to change. She'll be annoying and I'll be annoyed... *HAHahahahahhahahah*
But really, it's all workable.

And Merry~ thank you for your insight. I think that's nice that you noticed in that bried of a time, I never though about it like that, but really ... you're right, I do. I have a spitfire temper too. But I get riled and then after I vent, I feel better.

I like who I am. I just wouldn't know how to be anyone else, even with all my insecurities and my strengths, at the end of the day, I'm just a person, just a regular person. I have to shave my legs when I can actually see the hair , just like everyone else.

[ July 06, 2004, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: DreamrKate ]

This discussion is so interesting; like many here I've had some strange connections with therapists.

Why is it some of them seem to be in worse shape than the patient? I truly believe that many therapists and psychiatrists have issues they need to address before trying to help someone who is struggling...

"What About Bob?" was a wonderful and funny example on a therapist so self-absorbed that he quickly became the patient and the patient became the therapist!

You know, we're remodeling, I spent almost a week deciding what color to paint the walls. I've spent months deciding on flooring. I look and compare. I research cost, quality, appearance, and durability. I get estimates. And that's just for paint and flooring.

When I choose a doctor with whom I will trust my mind or even my life, I go to someone the cleaning lady recommended or maybe like when I went to the shrink, someone I picked out of the phone book.

At least I got an estimate on my mind. I can't even do that with my body. I put my life in the hands of someone not knowing a thing about them. I keep going if they are nice to me. I have no concept of their competence.
Even referrals from other doctors mean nothing. I had dozens of doctors working for me at one time and they covered for each other. Even referred people to those who were friends, not necessarily competent.
There is no way to compare quality. No way to compare price.
Somehow the boomer society, which has improved the world in so many ways, has to fix this.
smile

Hear! Hear! What a novel idea SMILES...

There is a list (several of them) online for prediators and editors, why not a list of bad doc's?

It could be organized first by STATE, then by towns within each state. I bet women everywhere would participate in that list! Course....you would have to have someone who would/could vouch for the input...hmmm...

JJ
You're right. The internet would be the way to go. Whoever owned the site would have to either be too poor to sue or very well insured though cause the liability would be pretty high.

In our state and most others, I think, there is a website that lists doctors disciplined by the Medical Licensure Board. Most of the ones listed have been disciplined for either drug use or having sex with patients and that may or may not reflect competence.
The ins. companies for hospitals and doctors who commit malpractice almost always settle out of court so it is never a public record.
During Ronald Regan's administration information was collected about the morbidity and mortality rates for different diseases in each facility and for different doctors. With that information one could make decent decisions, but George H. Bush dropped the ball and now the information is somewhere, but it is almost impossiible to get.
If we could track it down and publish it on the net along with personal experiences, we could do a lot of good.
Maybe we could lobby for a law to release that info. at the same time we start a website to pass the word on the bad guys and the good ones too.

JJ, you're thinkin'!!!
smile

we all have issues from the past -- not one of us made it to the age we are -- no matter what that age is -- without having good times, bad times, HORRIBLE times -- but I have to agree -- digging into the past does just that -- it brings up the past ----

you dont need to put a shrinks children thru college to figure out that you can either GROW from your experiences or you can let them suck you under

and as an optimist -- i'm here to tell you that YES !! YOU CAN JUST BE A HAPPY PERSON !!!

if there are issues that you NEED to bring up and discuss and work thru -- then i'm all for it -- but I LOVE your attitude of -- HEY -- that was THEN and this is NOW !!

psychiatry is a profession -- just like an auto mechanic -- if your car just needed a little tune up -- would you want him to tear it down and find out who built it and why ??? -- of course not --

my suggestion to any lady in need is -- COME TO THE FORUM and let all these wonderful ladies support you right into a "cure"