This is probably so telling about me and I'll probably regret this, but it's okay, I'm among friends, right?

As some of you know I've been going to a therapist for several weeks, mostly because I was just so angry. But I get over things and move on so that wasn't long lasting. And then my husband and I have been going to our church's Celebrate Recovery class for a while now.

Here lies my irritation - I'm a happy person, I believe that whatever issues I have in my life, be they past, present of future "issues" God will help me deal with them along with helping me to understand what they are, why they are and how to prevent them or work around them.

In both things today the facilitators were trying to uncover some hidden issues, or anger or something in me that they are sure is there. Well...I am a happy person, I don't choose to be disgruntled most days, some things irritate me and -so- so they do and after a while I move on. Part of our discussion was on gratitude. Well I'm grateful for everything, even the trials in life. But because I didn't have a drug or alcohol issue, wasn't bulimic, didn't have fits of rage or any other stuff.....they think I'm just controlling my issues.

Isn't it possible that I don't have a bunch of issues? Can't I just be a happy person? What's the matter that I can't think of a bunch of ugly things, or angers or some deep hidden past to dig up? I don't hold my thoughts or emotions in. I just can't relate. Why is that?

Kate

Kate, I hear ya! I've been in a similar situation. Let me explain.

Several years ago I was in a car accident. I suffered post traumatic stress syndrome and went to therapy for several months to get through it.

Because I was on an anti-depressant I had to see a psychiatrist too. Prior to this I had never been in a therapists office, nor taken medication.

He was one of those doctors who focused on childhood. He kept asking questions about what I did as a kid, how I got along with my parents, siblings, etc.

I shared that Mom stayed home, Dad worked and I had 3 sisters and a brother. I think we carried on like typical kids. No big issues to my knowledge.

I told him I was a tom-boy and spent most of my time outside. Gave him bits of pieces of information that related to all that.

His comment and what he chose to dwell on was the fact that I was rarely home. He said there must have been a reason I wanted to be outside and away from the home.

Get out! For gosh sakes, I simply loved the outdoors, my friends, the games, activities, and never-ending fun in my nieighborhood. My mom had to drag us in at night. I wasn't escaping a darn thing, just living my life doing what I enjoyed most.

He continued to pry and gave me the impression there was something hidden I wasn't aware of.

I remember asking my older sister if she thought there was something I was missing because he made such a big deal out of it. We came up with NOTHING other than the fact that I love the outdoors and my friends.

Live with your happy self and revel in it. Continue the merrymaking! I am.

Dots~ THANK YOU! I was just thinking about that all evening. Is there some hidden thing that I am just not admitting?

There were a couple of things that I probably won't go into on the board, that happened when I was growing up but they are things that I feel that I've resolved and been healed of, so I don't feel at all pressed to dredge them up. And I have complete understanding that they attributed to how I deal with things as an adult and I understand how they might make me hesitant to forge on ahead and "be all I can be" but I'm so self-analyzing all the time that I'm constantly fine tuning myself.
I know that my hesitance to submit articles to magazines has to do with a fear of failure; the same with my painting projects; and anything like that. So I am aware and I always nudge myself along... and so on and so on.....

I just don't get what the benefit is to dump all the stuff out again, so that I work through it again...why? I don't think much is accomplished dwelling on anything negative... unless there are some really negative things going on in your life, or your behaviors and you have to find the source.

Thanks Dots for the response.

Kate

On the very evening of the day I had the experience of finding a new heart as I wrote about to Sugaree, I went to a single women's thing at my church.
I was full of the joy of my new heart and when they went around the room and asked for prayer requests and praise reports, no one had praise and everyone wanted prayer mostly for a mate. Well, when it came my turn, all I could think of was how grateful I was for my wonderful grandson and my new joy filled heart. Well, they insisted and probed and actually became irritated that I wasn't whining about not having a mate. They finally concluded that I was in denial.
I was so furious I had to pray for patience to keep from whacking one of them. (I didn't mean to sound like I really said that. I just thought it. But I thought it very loud!)

I'm sorry, but sometimes people just want to rain on everybody's parade and there is nothing that gets me grouchier than rain on my parade. (Hey, it's hard enough to get a parade going. Who needs rain?)
If you can ignore the "rain clouds of the earth," you're a better worman than I am.
Onward.
smile

[ July 02, 2004, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

I really appreciate your input!

And that's exactly how I felt yesterday. First the therapist, who, I might add, has her own issues. And then our church thing which last night was only 3 people last night. But the other two women felt that I rushed right over a significant part of my childhood as if in attempt to downplay it/myself. I didn't feel like I was doing that. I just feel like it has no place in my life now, so leave the past in the past. It's so many years gone by now and I prayed to be relieved of anger and resentment (my step-father) and one day it was just gone. I even got to see him before he died and pray with him, so I feel like I was healed.

Anyway, the raining on the parade...! Exactly! People just can't believe that anyone can actually be happy. I figure, as a Christian, I really CAN just be happy and not need to know why. I can blindly accept some things. I can just accept, as a gift, (which I do) the wonderful outlook that God has given me.

Or - I suppose that I could pick it apart and hack away at it until it's pock marked and ruined.

Kate

Therapists are trained to dissect lives the way biologists are trained to dissect earthworms. No biggie, they just keep cutting until they find the appropriate guts (or not). Hey, it's their job.

Periodically we have to remind them that we're not earthworms.

Having met you, even for a short time, I can say this: you're pretty well centered and have an internal calm that you draw upon. That doesn't mean no problems, but... Your faith in God and the universe is based in no small part on your faith in your logic and practicality. I'm not sure how much you see this too.

Heck, now I'm not sure where to post this.

Let's see, Dots ~ My husband was raised in church I suppose, but I think it was because it "looked" good, not necessarily because there was any huge comittment to God or because of any strength in faith; that came to his parents much, much later.

I think "faith" has changed in a sense. (And mind you, I could be WAY off here but this is what I think )

I think faith is different for our generation because we want something real. We want something that we believe in because we really really believe in it, not because you meet the right people there or because it looks good to the neighbors. I went to church when I was younger, but not because my family did but because I happened to always have a best friend who was involved.
Scott went to church because they went every week and that's just what they did, but his mom was/is such an Edith Bunker and his dad(step) SUCH an Archie, smiling and cussing behind the neighbor's backs that I'm sure the family got mixed messages.
It wasn't until years and years later that both parents got saved and really started to change and realize that "it" (faith/belief) could make a difference in your life.
Scott got saved about 18 years ago and although it made a difference in his life, the old ways, the flesh, still was very difficult to shake loose. But it's interesting, when he got saved he quit drinking and quit swearing and he was kind of good at both. Now I can't even imagine it. But the drug thing died hard.
But during that time I got to see the guy that I knew was really in there, and he's a good guy, a kind guy, a very fun-for-me guy so when we spent the last years going through the rough road again it was difficult (to say the least). But I think I have him back now and it's just been swell.

I say we meet in Las Vegas toward the end of the year and I can bring him for Show and Tell!

Kate

Deamrkate, if you and Scott do come to Vegas at the end of the year please call me and Earl and we'll get together. There are some beautiful church's here most folks never see. All some think is here is the strip, not so.

To try to answer the question posed, I wonder whats happening when if you have something good to report in the workplace or in church, you're rushed along, yea, yea, hurry up "BUT" when the news is shocking or tintilating it's "oh, tell us more, more more." Are some peoples lives so boring that they need to live vicariously through others?

Mmmm.... yeah, I think so sometimes. But I think you end up, if you're smart, with the people who mean a lot and elt the others fall away.

We were real involved with our church for a long time. I sang just about every service and Scott drove the church bus every single service for three years. Then we had our 3rd and then 4th child and it was too much. WAY too much. And we tried to do it all but then started to feel 'put upon' and backed off, and we went WAYYYYYY back to the point of dropping out for several years, not completely but out of service. And then, obviously we had problems. I think it was a combination of all of it, lots of pressure. Now I see us coming back, not to that extent I don't think but back into being useful.
Oh, but I had a point...the one thing I found difficult about church was that everyone knew us and knew everything about us. I found that to be terribly annoying and irritating and it kept me out of church. Then I really prayed for a change of heart....and then I went back, because the good thing about our church was that everyone knew us and knew everything about us.

Growth is SOOOOO amazing, isn't it?

Kate