kate, my thoughts and prayers are with you during this most difficult time. I have heard that many parents feel relief when thier children are in jail because they are off the streets and no longer have to worry about getting that dreaded phone call that something has taken place.

I believe that the guards like your son so they will look out for his safety. Do you believe that?

I have no doubts that your son is kind. Most addicts are. It's the drugs that make them a different person. He is drug free in jail, therefore the guards will be on his side. I pray you don't have to worry about his safety.

Does the jail offer counseling? If so, would your son be open to that? Perhaps this is the best thing for him. He'll be clean for a year and can get back in touch with who he was before abusing.

Just keep loving him and building him up while he is in there. Make him feel good about himself. I know that sounds crazy, but it's what he needs. Now that he's straight, I'm sure he has tremendous guilt for his past actions.

I am sending warm, tender thougths to you and your family this Christmas. I know you have a son in jail and that hurts, but try to focus on the fact that he is clean and perhaps on the path to a better future.

katebca, have peace in your heart dear lady.


(((((((((HUG))))))))


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Katebcca since you are having Christmas at your house why not have a buffet and ask everyone to bring a dish make a list of all the things you want and send one to all the guests asking that they pick a dish to make. Eventually all will be taken...This way not all the fnancial burden rests on one person.

There is no better lesson for your son than the unfortunate one he's learned in prison and should be a good deterant for his not going back there again....Hard lessons are rarely forgotten. Have a blessed Christmas, if he's in solitare he's safe there.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I do believe in God and understand that he has a plan for my son. My son also believes in God which is comforting for me to know that he is not alone. I sent him a really wonderful birthday card and in the message inside it read "I am proud that you are my son". I know the choices he makes are his and he is suffering the consequences but rather than judge him I have chosen to build him up as Dotsie suggested. It does not mean that I think that his behaviour is ok but that I think he is ok on the inside where it counts.
He did have a girlfriend and after she dumped him because he got drunk and did something unforgivable, I don't know what, he went into a huge depression and started doing drugs more heavily. He was so happy with her but unfortunately in a very unhealthy place at the time. He just couldn't get over the loss and grieved for way too long.
He won't go for counselling or any programs because he would have to mix with the general population and he is scared for his safety so he keeps to himself in his room all day. He did tell me that he is going to take some coorespondence courses to finish his high school, he sure has the time to do it.
And thanks for mentioning your nephew ladybug this helps alot. I know because he has a good heart that he will eventually be ok. His lawyer says he is still young and there is a good chance he will turn this around and he has seen this happen many times.
Christmas, yes I will take your suggestion Chatty and ask others to chip in. I like making the turkey though and the kids love to help so it should work out fine although I will miss my son.
I pray for all of you too as we all face our own little struggles. May this Christmas season be truly meaningful for us all.
Katebc

Please have hope for your son Katebc because it CAN happen.

Just keep loving him and letting him know it. He needs to hear it.

My nephew felt pretty worthless while he was in jail. My former brother-in-law never went to see him and almost if not disowned him. My nephew first got the marijuana from his own father's home. This man would even offer it to his children's friends (according to my niece, the nephew's sister)!

The best I could do was to write to my nephew and tell him, yes, you made bad choices but it's up to you now to turn them around. I told him he needed to first apologize to his sister. He stole money and a ring from her. The ring can't be replaced because it was given to her by their now -deceased mother.

He and his sister were on very bad terms then. She didn't write to him or visit him in jail. He felt very alone. When a person is in that tiny cell day after day it must drive them crazy. Think then how it must feel to never hear from those you love, closest to you?

Have hope for your son and love him for who he use to be and who he can be again.

Many hugs to you! I hope your Christmas is beautiful as your heart is too!

kate, here's a thought: I bet if you did some Google searches you could find stories or books about people who have totally turned thier lives around while in jail. Why not get your hands on them and give them to him for Christmas? Maybe he needs to realize how lucky he is that he got caught and has this opportunity to begin again.

Thanks, I would love to do that but they cannot receive anything in jail. My Mom sent him a birthday card and they sent it back because it was homemade and could have been used to hide drugs. It's a different world in there. I only hope that they have books like that in jail.
What I have done and will continue to do is send articles I find on line not sure if they will let him have this at his new facility. The only thing you can send them are letters, and money for the canteen. They get to buy stuff once a week. I can't even send him self addressed envelopes. Very strict. He said that there are 20 books on each unit so I hope at least some of them are inspiring.
thanks though, especially for thinking of me and continuing to be helpful, much appreciated.
Katebe

Katebcca, we haven't heard from you so how did your Christmas go? I hope it was happy and worked out well for all of you. How is your son doing?

Have a very happy, healthy new year!

Thank you ladybug. Yes my son does need my love and emotional support but I cannot enable him and have stopped this as it was unhealthy for both of us. We write to each other every couple of days, well I write to him and he writes back once a week and also calls. It pains me that his father has basically abandoned him but they have to work this out and I hope they do as it will only help my son in the long run. I have told him what you have said more than a few times: "you have made bad choices but it's up to you to turn things around" I think he gets this. Thanks for your concern everyone. I have not been checking in much lately. I did have a quiet Christmas but missed my son. He called on Christmas Eve when the family was all at the house and talked to everyone. I am sure it was difficult for him. Right now he is focusing on treatment while inside and his parole hearing in April. He needs me to show up for this and drive him to a treatment centre where he will be for three months if he gets out. It's important that I am there and I will be as by then he will have done 6 months and will need the support. If I don't show at the parole meeting his chances will be slim to none of getting out and going into treatment. He is on anti-anxiety medication because he wakes up in the night and can't breath. He is in his cell 23 hours a day by choice. He is a tall skinny young man and a prime candidate for being picked on. He has already taken some punches and is scared for his safety so has requested to be in solitary confinement. I sure hope this experience is enough to keep him off the drugs. Hope is not at all lost, it is just taking him a long time to get it. Over the past year I have had to learn to let go and let him face the consequences of his actions. This has not been easy but very necessary.
Christmas was quiet and not stressful like usual so that is a good thing. With my mom and my son (both can be very negative, him on drugs and her just miserable) previous Christmasses have been very unpleasant. So much so that I wanted to do something different this year. Without my son around though my Mom seemed to be less negative this year. So all in all it went well. I hope everyone else had a wonderful holiday. Thanks Dotsie for your email and concern too. Happy New Year to everyone.
Kate

katebcca, we haven't heard from you in awhile now. How are you and your son doing? Is he adjusting to his current situation? Did he write that letter we talked about?

I do hope all is well with you.

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