Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted aro und the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

This was hilarious - I really enjoyed it! Thanks MustangGal!

I'm rolling on the floor!

thanks!

Good one. So good to laugh again. I had to copy paste that one to give to my son who is working nights at Wal Mart. Just gotta make sure he doesn't try any of them:)

# 15 reminded me of something and I am not kidding. One summer I had my three kids and one of their friends with us. We were in the kid's department at Hecht's, a fairly nice department store in Baltimore.

The boys were trying on shorts and smelled something coming from another fitting room. Of course they had to go looking. So they opened the door and sure enough there was what looked like a cow pie in the corner of one of the fitting rooms. NO LIE!

We all gagged and went running. We told the woman and she was like...yeah right. We ditched before she took us seriously enough see for herself.

I can't imagine who they got to clean that up!

The kids still talk about it today.

How gross.

Oh, but that wasn't as bad as the time the kids and I were traveling to a friend's rowing race in New Jersey.

We stopped to get gas. My daughter bought a little can of Pringles. When she opened it, there was a loose load in the can. No lie. We gagged and marched back in the station only to find no English speaking peopel in the place.

They didn't understand me. They put it BACK ON THE SHELF. I FREAKED OUT! they were trying to tell me that's how it came from the factory. I didn't have the nerve to open the can and show them, but I should have.

We returned to the car and washed our hands like we'd never scrbbed them before.

Another thing we still laugh about.

Dotsie, what do u mean by "loose load?"

When my sister and I were potty training our kids, we went shopping at Sears. They had those bathroom displays with commodes and all. We missed her daughter and finally found her sitting on a pink commode. She was so proud of herself. You guessed it. The commode was full. My sister grabbed her and quickly put the lid down.

We were frantic. We absolutely did not know what to do. Finally we decided to RUN. On the way out of the store we told one of the sales ladies to check the pink bathroom display and we ESCAPED.

I admit it. We were cowards.

We still laugh about it. I will see my niece this weekend and I may have to mention it. I know it was a bad thing to do, but it's hilarious even now.

smile