If you ever do find this slime and want to pay him a little visit. I am not far from Arizona and would be HAPPY to assist you anyway I can. I have some very large nasty friends....

Wow, Dianne, no wonder she was feeling depressed. So has she permanently moved from AZ to TN? She refused to tell you his name? Wow. How awful for her. LLL

There is absolutely no reason why she should want to protect this jackass by not revealing his name. You say she was sexually abused as a child and now violently abused by this jerk -- maybe when she was abused as a child, she was threatened if she told, and maybe this criminal threatened her too, and somehow she connects the two.

Tell her that by protecting him, she's insuring that another woman will get hurt just like she did. Harsh, but probably true. Abuse flourishes in silence.

I only have a few minutes...finishing packing and flying out today. I have told her everything I know about dating violence and it's a lot given that's what I do for a living. But, as the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water---

I even talked to the police myself for a long time. They sent extra cruisers by the house to keep an eye on her. I worried myself sick but she didn't want me to come to AZ to be with her and so I made her come stay with me.

Yes, she's with me now in TN and who knows where this jerk is. I did an online investigation, which wasn't easy since I didn't have his name. I knew where he attended medical school and that was all. I even went through her address book looking for a name I didn't recognize, trying to find him. Nothing.

I did what most writers do...I sat down and wrote for hours about what happened and how I felt and I titled it: Becoming a Killer in my Mind because that was what I wanted to do to him. So did my husband. He was livid.

I know that someday, somehow, I'm going to find out who this jerk is. I know it in my heart. Beating up my baby like that!

I'll be gone until Wednesday. Take care.

Dear Lynn

Thank you for your lovely words Lynn.

With love
Leigha

Dianne, I will continue to pray for your daughter's self-esteem. God love her!

I returned from traveling (again) and expected my daughter to be at work but her car was in the garage so I drug my luggage into the house and called her name and she answered but didn't come downstairs for quite a while. I had my back turned to her when she came into the kitchen and said, "Mom, I need help really bad. I'm just a mess." She had called in sick for work that day because she had started drinking at 9 am. She told me how she hides liquor bottles upstairs (the bonus room is pretty much her living room for her privacy) and how she would have a glass of vodka that she could tuck under the sofa cushion if I happened to come up there. She said she would try to stop drinking but the shaking would kick in so she'd have to drink again to make it stop and the vicious cycle began. She was crying and begging for my help. We talked for hours and I told her we needed to be honest and she needed to reach out when she wanted to drink and if she wanted me to, I'd go to AA meetings with her for support.

How could I be so blind? Either she is a good drinker and doesn't show it or I'm just stupid. I have always allowed her the privacy she needs but I didn't know she was using it to drink. I think it gets worse when I'm away.

This morning she got up early and said she's beginning a new life and it's going to be a healthy one. I didn't know she was this bad. I thought she was working out but she said she was too hungover to really do anything and would leave after a few minutes.

If she can't do this alone or with my support, which I wonder that it's gone too far without professional help, I'm going to check into an outpatient rehab so she can still work but goes in at night for meetings, etc.

She said, "I'm throwing my life away and I don't want to do that. I want to be clean and sober for my brother's wedding and be able to remember it."

Please pray for us.

Dianne, I know I am new to this topic, but I wanted to chime in. I wanted to share with you a biblical perspective if you don't mind. 2 Samuel chapter 13 is the story of Tamar and Amnon. These were children of King David. Tamar was raped by Amnon who was her step brother. King David had asked Tamar to go and cook for Amnon because he was ill. After Amnon raped her, he had her thrown out of his house by one of his servants. The bible says she tore her robe (which symbolized her virginity and her status as a child of the King) and ran away to her brother Absalom's house and lived the rest of her life there as a 'desolate' woman.

I know that not everyone wants to use the bible as a reference guide for living today but it is so relevant to today and it holds the keys to your daughter's release. It can bring her permenant health and healing and she won't have to rely on drugs anymore.

Tamar is the example of what NOT to do. In that moment that she was pushed out the door, she tore her robe and ran away--she laid the blame for the rape at the feet of her father as well as at the feet of Amnon. She didn't realize she had done it, but she did. Why else would you run to your brother's house and not to your daddy? Why not run to the King of Israel and ask for his help? Because consciously or unconsiously she also blamed her father.

We do the same thing, even though we don't realize we do it. When something bad happens we lay blame on God--He doesn't cause these things to happen in our lives but a tiny seed of anger is planted and becomes bitterness and that can literally destroy a life. It eats away at someone from the inside out and they don't even realize what is causing it.

The bible says she ran away to her brother's house--how many times do we run away from our problem or from the pain of crisis and seek solace from friends, drugs, alchohol, shopping, food, etc? When all we really need to do is run to our heavenly Father and allow Him to take the pain and problems away.

On the flip side, go to Mark 5:21-34. This woman is our example what we SHOULD do. She has been sick for 12 years. The bible says she has used all her money to try to get better. It says she has lost everything. I believe that during this illness she also lost her husband and children. The bible says she pushed through a crowd of people and stretched out her hand, just barely touching the hem of Jesus' cloak, but when she did, the healing power of God coursed through her body and she was healed. Later Jesus says to her "go in peace"--at that moment not only was her body restored but her mind and emotions as well.

I hope this is helpful and encouraging. I could go on and on--sorry--this is all part of the book I am working on--helping women walk through crisis to total restoration--I feel very strongly about restoration. I know not everyone wants to hear about God's amazing grace and His desire to heal, but I know God can do the same healing in your daughter's life and that's what it's about right? Finding a way to LIVE and not just exist.

This is a very short, but I hope gives you a glimpse of what I am trying to convey. I hope you can get her to talk to your pastor or priest and that healing comes to her. I will be praying for her restoration. I will also be praying for wisdom and strength for you during this time.

starting over, thanks for sharing this insight. I know exactly where you are coming from and I appreciate the time it took for you to post!

Dianne, I'm praying your daughter will allow you to take her to AA. I'm a firm believer in community during traumatic times. She needs to feel support from others and know she's not alone.

I feel equally as bad for you. Parenting never ends, does it? I'm praying can be patient and continue to guide her on the right path.

The fact that she opened up to you is a HUGE step in the right direction. She's asked for help. Now let's do our best to give it to her. My part is praying for both of you... consider it done!

Thanks ladies. I appreciate how hard it was for her to tell me and she said she was scared and didn't know where all of this would end. Also, in a drunken stupor, she had taken what she thought was two Tylenol PM's but she threw up and saw all of these blue pills in the toilet so she'd taken much more than she'd realized and what scared her was she could have died and I would have always thought she meant to commit suicide when she didn't, that it had been a mistake. Poor kid. She's been through so much.

Thanks for the prayers. They are needed badly.